work is good; H is crazy

[kml]

You should have said they agreed THEY wanted to start with one night a month.

Just tell him look, I'm not restricting access, they just aren't excited to see you. I hope you can work out your relationship with the boys, H.

[Whiterose]

KML do you think that one word is what has caused his anger? well, apart from the crazy MLC anger, it's just that easy to set him off?!?! I should have never gotten back to him.....

I could say that back but then I can imagine the ramifications that would come after that statement.

[Wonka]

WR,

This one line is what H was reacting to: I talked to the boys last night and they've agreed to start with one night a month and see how it goes from there.

To him, it sounded as if you spoke with the boys and said that they only had 1 night a month with H. This is how it looks from the other side. I can see why H reacted the way he did.

I like Ellie's suggestion.

[Whiterose]

I didn't mean it like that......


Should I say...

I've never restricted access to the boys, they're just not thrilled to spend the night with you. I hope you can work on your relationship with our boys, H.

Would this be considered a truth dart? It's going to make it uglier?

[Wonka]

WR,

Let it go. Just keep in mind for the next time. It's no use in "pointing" out things or stating the obvious to H. He needs to figure this out for himself. If and when H texts you asking about the boys or pressuring you to have them contact you, you can say:

H, I am removing myself as the go-between with the boys. I will not be the middleman any more. It will be up to the boys on how they wish to spend time with you. If you have any questions that you want to ask the boys, you'll need to ask them directly. WR

[LoisB]

I like what Wonka wrote above. I'm in a similar situation White. My H says I've turned the girls against him with my "nonsense talk."

Remove yourself, as much as possible, and allow them to sort this out among themselves.

[ericmsant2]

I like Wonka's approach. It will keep you from being in the middle. Both boys are old enough to speak to him directly. It will also help with any response you may have. Right now, you are too worried about what and how to say/respond back to H. IMO, that is not good for YOU.

Keep any communication short and to the point. I remember struggling with this for a while. It finally got to the point where my best response was a "yes" or "no". Anything more than that was leaving a door open for an argument of some sort.


Also, you do not always have to respond to him.

[Whiterose]

I never responded to that text. He did send me one on Friday morning saying he had deposited the child/spousal support. I thanked him for letting me know and wished him a good day.

I sent my L my thoughts on her responding letter to H's L this am (she just got back from vacation this am and H's L is back on the 22nd) and this morning I got a message
"I have been trying to understand this but can't figure it out. Why you chose not to respond to my last letter from the lawyer?"

I don't know if I just say "mynL got back today and from what I understood yours is back on the 22nd at which time you'll have my response"? Or do I leave it? I don't want him thinking it's me that's stalling. Life happens for me and our lawyers and things take time.

Heather, I'm so sorry he's saying those things to you too. You're a wonderful mother and love your girls beyond measure........you are a strong woman!!!

[ericmsant2]

I don't know if I just say

Instead of answering this question...I'll ask you one.

Why do you feel the need to have to respond?

Think about it...

Why?

[Whiterose]

I guess because I was taught it's rude not to......I don't respond to everything. Honestly, I don't.