M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Job!!! It's been a while since here.....I've been busy, and just doing my stuff, and trying to get through this mess.
S19 is doing well. Hates school, I don't think he actually does, but, the drama of saying it. Lol. Still working and volunteering with the fire fighter academy. S14's perianal abscess is back. Took him to the dr and started off with warm baths, which didn't help much so now he's antibiotics and I'm scheduling an appointment with a gi specialist as this is the second time, I have Crohn's and I have a family history of people with ibs, I need to confirm that this is not the reason for it. I had decided to tell H about taking S14 to the dr after I visited with him and his response was "oh sh!t, really" to which I replied yes. It was a "s's abscess is back. I've taken him to the dr and scheduled a gi consult. I'll keep you posted to his progress". Got a "I asked him and he said he was fine" I didn't respond although I wanted to ask when he had asked. Early the next morning he asked how son was as he had not heard anything. I wanted to say you didint ask anything but just elaborated a bit on drs orders and got an "ok" in response. Haven't heard from him since.
I did hear, via 6 page letter, all about his demands though. He wants his stuff (furniture and tools), he wants to give me spousal for 5 years when I'm entitled to 16, wants to share custody, wants to split S14's schooling, only wants to give me 150/month for S19, wants me to give up any rights to his cpp (Canadian pension plan) so I guess I'll be on the street in my 60's, wants me to look into other mortgage options as they think that I can find a lender that will grant me a mortgage for less money than I need from H now, and I have until feb 4 to decide or the offer is off the table and he wants to put the house up for sale. Needless to say I'll be responding after the 4th. Try and make me sign my name to sell the house. The mortgage is in good standing so it won't go into foreclosure and I highly doubt a judge will force me to sell it with a minor child in residence when I've secured a mortgage on the basis of money from h I'm entitled to......haven't discussed it much with my L but I spent 1.5 hours on my rebuttle. Including that I want sole custody as he's a crap dad. He's also trying to say I had no right to make a unilateral decision in regards to lowering tenant's rent in exchange for work around the house as I did not ask H to complete the jobs first. I laughed. Then listed 4 differnt times I had and his response to each and then asked at what point do I get to say "he's not interested" and get the work done. He's still crying poor me about having to pay the visas, support, and rent. I pretty much said I didn't care that I also pay family debt and continue to support my kids and do it without complaint to H so I suggest he do the same.
I am wanting the space in the tool shed for some reorganing I'm trying to do and am thinking of sending H a text along these lines
"Hi H. Just wondering if you'd be able to come get your tools and camping stove w/tank in the next week? If you can't i understand I'll place everything at the side of the house, covered in plastic that you can pick up at your convenience".
I'm sure he'll have a fit but I need the space, he wants his stuff, and so anyone have thoughts??
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
And H sounds like a d*ck. Demands, demands. I am sure you will come up with the appropriate response along with your lawyer. In my jurisdiction, if custody isn't agreed to be "shared", then the only option is sole custody (separate from visititation). One S is an adult, so does not count (again, support is a separate issue) and your other is over 12. Can't see a Court forcing him to go with dad, if he does not want to.
The only thing that concerned me about what you said above was: "The mortgage is in good standing so it won't go into foreclosure and I highly doubt a judge will force me to sell it with a minor child in residence when I've secured a mortgage on the basis of money from h I'm entitled to."
WR, does this mean you will depend on the support your H is supposed to give you to continue to mortgage? Have you actually secured the refinance? Different jurisdictions, but mine does not consider support as part of the ability to pay. Yours may. It's too risky, you see. More often than not, support is simply not paid or cannot be counted on. You would be very wise not to count on it overmuch. there are limits to remedies available when H does not pay.
I am sure your L will go through all this with you. I don't at all mean to be gloom and doom, I am just familiar with what happens when people rely on spousal or child support only to never see a dime from it.
Otherwise, you sound like you are in a good place mentally and I am glad for that. Life does go on, doesn't it?
I have a loan secured, with a separation agreement agreed upon for a certain amount, and as soon as he agrees to it I can assume the mortgage and pay him out. I'm asking for what I'm entitled to and not any more. If he decides not to pay I take my agreement to family maintenance, government agency, that takes over and will go to his HR and say taxes first my payment second and whatever is left at the end will be his.......they don't screw around. Legally I don't even have to wait for a missed payment I can set it up now but then his HR would know and it would make him look bad so I'm just leaving it as is.
I have to rely on spousal/child support. Don't most people? I'm not independently wealthy and have children to care for. I do understand your train of thought though.
Life does go on. I have better days than others. Still have a finger on the rope, as it were, the "just maybe" hasn't truly left me yet. Coming up on a year to BD in April. It's been a ride
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
So here's a question. H has pretty much been silent for the last few weeks, last contact was about S14's medical issue, and he's not contacted me since about seeing how as is doing. Is complete NC a good idea and allow him to make the moves? I will be asking him to come get his tools, which I guess is me initiating contact, and not really making anything up as I do want them gone as it need the space. S14's parent teacher is on Tuesday. I had no plans to mention it to H as he's made no move to appear to want to be involved, and he can look at the school website just like I did, of do I initiate contact about that as well? Too much contact? Leave it be??
Thoughts
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Does H know he can look at the website to find out the information? Would he have known this irregardless of the sitch ?
I think if it were me- I would send a brief text about the conference time and date and give H the opportunity to mKe the decision on his own. I just think that when it comes to things like this it's ok to give the information and leave them to decide what they want to do.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
There's no specific time set up BO it's all the teachers in the gym and parents wait in line to talk to the teacher they need to see. High school so multiple visits to different teachers. I guess I could say "s14 has parent teacher Tuesday. I plan to be at the school by 6 for if you would like to attend"?
The school has run via website for years and years, our older s went through it as well, so he should know.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Any thoughts on the "pick up your tools" conversation?
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I think leave the tools convo. And for the parent conference maybe just a text along the lines you suggested. Then it's up to him what to do.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
