Moving forward

[Mimi00]

I don't know your entire sitch, so forgive me if I am off base, but as an outsider reading your thread... though your wife BD'd and didn't want to to the work for a better marriage, you were the one who ended up filing and I'm sure that is a big part of her anger and resentment....

I feel that you may have to step back, see her point of view (though divorce was initially her idea, her mind was probably not wrapped confidently around what that would mean [hence why she didn't follow through] and how her life would change. Now that she has the new life she thought she wanted it's probably not going as smoothly as she thought it would and she's frustrated and since you were the initiator, you are to blame in her mind.); then learn to come from a place of understanding in your approach with her to start changing the dynamics of your relationship.

For example, when she dropped you D14 off on the side of the road: (which I don't agree with what she did but...) since you were already on your way to the concert picking D up immediately to unsure her safety, then going to the concert w/out responding to your W would've probably been best at that time and you may have made it in time to see D6 as well.... you have to choose your battles wisely.

Then later, after you're calm, your response could be talking in person or calling W to say "I know D14 can be difficult at times and I am sorry if she's been disrespectful towards you. This is a tough time for us all. Dropping her off on the side of the road could have ended in tragedy and I would hate for anything to happen to any of you. Maybe we can all sit down with her together and talk this over w/ D14? I was able to be there to help today, but this may not always be the case we the kids are on their scheduled time with you. So we have to figure out a better way to go about this...What are your thought on this?"

I suggested you all sitting down w/ D14 to handle herbehavior, b/c you and W still have to be one the same team for your children and not act as enemies....your kids still need to see mom & dad are one the same page when it comes to them/their behavior etc...because they are what matters most. Once there is an understanding, and W feels that general support from you, hopefully W's behavior will change and she'll see it's not realistic to call you to "fix" things every time there is a simple issue w/ the kids or they are behaving in ways she doesn't like during her weeks with them.

D14 also needs to know from you it's not ok to disrespect mom.
They also need to see you respecting mom in the way you communicate and deal with situations.

Your W seems to be struggling right now and her decisions may not be the best, but unfortunately you will have to deal and continue to be the stable minded parent in your interactions with W and the kids.

Don't let your W's poor words and actions have so much power over your emotions...it's annoying and difficult, but you will have to be the bigger person time and time again.

As time goes on the way would handle your wife (w/ understanding and respect, at the same time not being a doormat) will rub off and she will begin to do the same.

Hope I am not too far off base w/ my advice.
And I hope your sitch becomes easier sooner than expected.