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#2423585 01/16/14 03:37 PM
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ye21 Offline OP
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Hello people, I am going to let you know at what point we are....we married 3 years ago and being together 4 1/2 years.

My W left this last thursday the house and 3 days later she asked me for divorce and said she doesnt want to be with me anymore and that its a final decission.
Also she said that she doesnt want me to grow any hope of being back together because its not gonna happen ever.

She said that we will go to couples therapy to discuss the divorce terms with a moderator and to also say goodbye in a friendly way.

And we started this wednesday, she seated in a chair and when i tried to move my chair closrr to her one she said: no, I asked for that chair to be there I dont want you close ti me.
everything was so cold, she was talking like she felt nothing at all and like she believes its really a definitive decission.
she started by saying the reasons that made her leave the house...she was tired that we kept fighting, that I am so insecure and inmature, that I never supported her in her dream of become an actress, that I basically never trust her and that I manipulate and contro her to make her be a different person.

And well it was my time to talk....the therapist was asking her if she can separate instead of divorce but my W said that she is very clear that a year ago she stayed in the relationship because she felt sorry about me but she didnt see me changing so she wanted to divorce. 

So when it was my time to talk I was calm and numb I had no feelings at all, it was freaking weird, but I went and told her and the therapist the reasons why I was behaving like that (a problem with my father when I was a kid) so I explained that she was right and that I felt trully sorry about it and I will respect her decission whatever it is, so I confessed my W hoe I lied to her exagerating the reality of storyes about me when I was young.
I told her once that I was a good cyclist and a proffesiinal team wanted to hire me when I was 14 to compete with them......
I always tried to do that with everybody so I can be admired for others and feel myself more strong, its a narcissist trai.
Well so I got very emotional while I was sharing all that and my wife the same way she was...not feeling nothing, almost not looking at me, and once I finished she said:
- i had no idea which one was the issue but thank you for letting me know, again I have to tell you that no matter how much you change and improve, this decission its a final one and we will never be together again...
And then she started asking who was gonna keep the cats, wich cat will be for who ( we have 3 cats) that she doesnt mind I keep the apartment, she asked me if I was gonna bring a rommate and I told her I didnt knew yet, she said just wanna to know because half of the security deposit its mine so I will appreciate if you can pay me that money soon.

She also said that for the next 2 weeks she doesnt want no contact at all and that she will be back on the therapy in 2 weeks, when she said that I told her why do you wanna keep coming, and she said she wants to know a little more of what I did to her and if I lied to her about more things to be able to let me go in peace.
i asked her if she love me and she said, with a very cold expression and voice I do and I will always love you, I still have feelings for you but that doesnt mean I want to be with you anymore, this is over as a couple and thats my decission.

So guys here I am working with my therapist into fixing all of my issues and also not contacting my now ex and trying to assume that its over and writting here to see what do you guys think. I know I have to let her go and I will exactly do that and I will completely respect her choices but I love her and once I recover myself and love myself I would love to start a new relationship with her.

Please some opinions and advices if possible. Thanks


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
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Hi, I am sorry for the situation you are in. I know it is very painful. It is good that you are dealing with the individual issues that have been difficult for you. Right now everything seems to be on her terms. I would suggest that you talk to a DB coach, as they can help you make a plan of what you can do and say that could stop this 'run away train' and give you an opportunity to be able to work on the relationship. I wish you the best and would be happy to discuss the coaching further with you.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
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ye21 Offline OP
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I will but due to this rush with what she left I have not enough money to do any movement right now, I have to pay my $1700 rent at the end of the month and lets see if I am lucky enough and with God help I can make that amount. I bought the book The divorce remedy today, I will appreciate if you guys could keep posting because I want to hear your opinions about this. Thank you so much


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 634
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ye21 Offline OP
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well we have news....she sent me this email this morning:

I would like to come pick up my stuff next week. Can you email me the times you will be out of the house so I can know when I can do that?




Also, the car needs to be transfered to you. Can you leave the insurance card that shows the address of ...... so I can take that to the DMV and have them resend the title to the right address. I will pick up the card next week when I come get my stuff.




I also would like to know if you think you are going to be able to return the security deposit of $775 to me soon?

And the last part is regarding your papers in this country. I would like to sign the divorce papers soon. Please let me know if you need me to wait a month or two until you get your permanent greencard or what.

Thank you.

I am devastated and even if I religiously read this book, when I received this email I started to realized that she is really finishing this for good, I don't see a way back and I am believing that this dumpster doesn't really love me anymore or have any kind of feelings for me, specially since she left me to pay all the bills by myself and also wants the deposit back as soon as possible.

Also why she is in such a rush to get the freaking divorce?? we had been together for 4 and a half years, I don't understand the rush to divorce in a month or two...

Please somebody post something because I am getting crazy!! I haven't respond her email yet. I am still digesting all of this and I am not gonna do any movement without asking you guys.


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Joined: Aug 2013
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Ye21,

I'm sorry your going thru this, but lets get you moved to the proper spot to get you some help.

Repost in the "Newcomers" section, after your post has been started there, link back to this thread so people see that you moved.

This area is for the spouses who WALKED away, so it doesn't get much action, you'll end up talking to yourself.

Try to keep posting in just the new thread you start and stay with it, you'll get a LOT more help there.

I just want you to understand, for now, that a lot of what your wife is saying is what we all "script", like they're following a role. They don't even realize they're doing it. We need to get you the tools to understand how it all works, and what you need to do for yourself right now.

If your on moderation still, post on other ppl's threads, read up as much as you can so you understand what your up against. And others will chime in on your thread. Moderation ends fast if you posting enough. In the new thread I want you to be as detailed as possible on why you think things have happened. No detail to small, it will help us give you better advice.

AND GET THE BOOK DIVORCE REMEDY, it will help save you, I promise.

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Y has moved his thread to newcombers.

Here's the link:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2424265&#Post2424265

So consider this thread dead plz.


Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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