Hi Rosa, Ahh, the elusive "search for happiness" that every MLCer seems to find so necessary but never satisfying! I suppose that if someone is willing to dump so many years of their life, destroy their own families, embarrass himself in everyone he's ever known eyes by running off to Russia with some crazy person he hardly knows, Chile isn't THAT surprising. Until (if?) they realize it's not the circumstances of their lives but what's INSIDE of them where the true key to happiness lies, they will roam the world (in his case literally) and never find it.
You sound like you're doing great. So, glad to hear it and keep living the life you choose!
RL, Never a dull moment w/your xh and his Russian twinkle twat. Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to have any contact w/anyone. This is what a person w/a ND personality does, i.e., ensures that the partner is secluded and doesn't have any contact w/anyone. Oh, well, he's gotten what he wished for in his fantasy land, the Russian, a new country and lots of peace and quiet. I'm sure the Genie in the Bottle didn't plan on him being all by his lonesome like this, but he should have had some inkling what it was going to be like.
As for you, you sound great and I hope that your eyes get better in time. You had asked about my knee...it's doing great. No pain, back to everything that I doing pre-op and I've not regretted the surgery one bit. Thanks for asking.
RL, continue as you have been doing. You don't know what the future holds for you, but you can enjoy every minute of today and know it's a gift and time doesn't stand still for any of us. You did everything you could to try to save your marriage and you can rest easier knowing that you tried.
Enjoy today, for it is a gift.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Linda, I think RT is miscalculating here, about the move to Chile. Your ex will promptly start learning Spanish and skyping again. And, there are a lot of younger competition out there. I don’t think she will be able to keep him at bay with “no friends” rule.
Wonka has a great idea, as always. I’m sure there are lots of kitchens to spackle over there, LOL. Except he has that d@rn rule of no friends. What would RT do if she finds out about him having friends? Send him back to his country?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi RosaLinda, I haven't posted in a long,long time but I read alot of posts of alot of people everyday and the similarities of our MLC men amazes me. I came across you posts and wanted to read about your sitch from the beginning but couldn't figure out how to do that. Reason being; my H is living in Moscow and is having an on/off affair with a russian woman ! We have 4 children, youngest is 16 and have been married for 25 years, he is 56 and I am 51. BD was two years ago, when I found out about his affair, and he couldnt deny it - he was hoping to live in his two worlds, his life in Moscow with her and his life here with me. My storey is long and I
Sorry! sent that before it was finished! Don't want to hijack your thread so if you are interested in my sitch it is in newcomers 'do I tell him all I know'. I am bored with my own sitch by now!
Also if Brightfuture is reading this, maybe some insight?? The Russian woman he is with (mainly) seems like a nice woman, intelligent, independant (aged 42, single, no children) and he seems to have manipulated her very well - she really has no idea who he is, he tells her he loves her but he tells me he doesn't know what love is anymore - I feel sorry for her, he uses online dating sites while he is with her. she didnt know he was married when they met two years ago and was upset, told him she didnt want to be with a married man - but he manipulated her and she changed her mind (in a few days!).
Lots of goings on here on Long Island! My poor ex is still such a lot soul that it sort of breaks my heart. When I last reported in, he and the Russian Tramp were still living together in Moscow, but were considering moving to Chile, because RT has a cousin who was happy there. They apparently decided this might not be such a good thing for them, possibly because neither speaks Spanish. Although not being fluent in Russian did not deter him from moving there! He has been emailing me about once a week. I occasionally replied, not always.
Then he informed me that he was flying back to New York the first week in January, because he needed to leave Russia every 6 months to keep his 3 year work visa valid. This did not make much sense to me but I know next to nothing about Russian immigration rules. When he arrived, he told me, via email, that he had come back because Russia had changed so much from when he went to visit RT in 2013, and he just was not happy there. He said RT is a lot like his mom, very aggressive and assertive and bossy; he described their relationship as a "love-hate" relationship.
Next, ex decided to try to feel me out/guilt me into letting him come live with me again. First he tried telling me that he is a changed man. He said that he still loves me, realizes that he was very unhappy and confused, and regrets running away instead of trying to make things better between us. He apologized for moving to Moscow, but not for his affairs. He sent me roses. I wrote back thanking him for the flowers, and said they made me a little uncomfortable, and I would respond to his email in a day or two. He sent a rather nasty reply saying he could not believe how much I had changed in 5 months, and that our divorce is just a piece of paper, and we are still married in the eyes of God, and that I am still "flesh of his flesh."
That sort of ticked me off, but I wrote him a nice reply, telling him that I have truly moved on and am happy with my new life. I told him that I have changed a lot, but that these changes had not just happened since he moved - they started back in Dec 2009 when he told me he does not love me any more, and most had occurred in Dec 2013 when I got strong enough to give him an ultimatum to choose between RT and me, and he chose her. He wrote back that my email was confusing and erroneous. WTF?
Next I got a few friendly emails, and we saw each other for the first time last night at his mother's birthday dinner. He told me that he misses our old house and town very much, but will be content with just being my friend.
Now today, he told me that he decided that he does not want to be alone, and since I will not take him back, he has decided to MARRY RT so she can get a permanent visa and come over here and live with him. Which, in my view, is what she has wanted all along.
He is actually going to marry that woman. The woman who talked him into eating rotten oatmeal instead of taking antibiotics for his neurological Lymes disease. The woman who had to tell him she had contracted gonorrhea but claimed it was from a toilet seat. The woman who can never admit that she is wrong or does not know something, whom he described as aggressive, assertive and bossy. Double WTF!?
This makes me incredibly sad. I really would love to see him happy, healthy and sane again. To top it all off, my 29 year old son told me last night that he has been blaming himself for our divorce. He was already aware that his dad had a bunch of affairs, so this was horribly upsetting and confusing to me. I reassured him that it all had nothing to do with him, and that we both love him very much. I'd heard that younger kids sometimes blame themselves, but my son is almost 30. I hope and pray that my boys do not develop a crisis later in life due to all of this.
Some good news -- I saw my eye surgeon last month, and he says I do not need any more surgery or laser treatments right now, and only need reading glasses as my right eye seems to be compensating for my left somehow. AND, my fella is taking me to a NY Islander game on Valentine's Day, how sweet is he! Life is good, and I am truly grateful for all of my blessings.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I am very happy to read that your eyes are doing much better. They needed some time to heal properly.
As for your xh, wish him well and just let him go. He wasn't ready to recommit to you and repair things. He would have been right back out the door as soon as RT contacted him. He came home because they may have had a fight, but you see what happened? He went running right back to her and this time, he's planning to marry her.
He's not finished baking and he's got a long ways to go before he is.
I can't believe she told him that she contracted a STD from a toilet seat! That's the same excuse my xh used when he got mono the first spring after he left.
Yes, RL, you've changed. He doesn't realize that w/time, everything changes and your changes are permanent and you aren't a push over and believe everything he says any longer. The rose colored glasses were broken the day he left for Russia. Life is good now and you've met someone new and sound very happy. That is what is important...happiness and being appreciated and loved for the person you are.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
