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Hey T, yep, letting go is a process and is different for each of us.

The hope is that we all get there in our own time and in our own way.

I know how much you love him and how much you want him to get through this.

And I believe the only way he can is with this next part. It is going to get hairy, no doubt about it.

But I also know, without a single doubt, that you will get through it. I will be there every step of the way.

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Happy new year DB friends!

Let's make 2014 great smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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Happy New Year TVS.

Since you always seem to get the best advice, im just throwing out as much karma I can spare for you and your family.

Your right, MAKE it a great upcoming year, don't ask for it.

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Hello All smile

Was reading through some of my old threads, and came upon this:

Read this in the archives from M Go Blue ~

"You will experience a roller coaster of emotions. There will be times when you want to get off the train. Be PATIENT. The experience you are going through has great meaning. You may not understand it at this time, but eventually you will cherish having lived through this. Remember, that which not kills you makes you stronger. God will challenge you to grow and evolve during this painful crisis. You are never alone. Pray and ask for God's help.

Right now, you cannot see the big picture through all the pain you are experiencing. Please have faith. This too shall pass.

There are many friends on this board that can help you on this journey. They can be your guiding angels.

Focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, in mind, body, and spirit."

Just wanted to share this with everyone. Keep on keepin on my friends smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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He was so right about being patient and seeing the bigger picture later on.

How are you and the family doing these days?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Job! Thanks for stopping by and asking about the fam smile

This winter has been a difficult one with everyone trying to stay healthy. We have battled colds, the flu, eat infections, some strange virus that knocked me around for awhile, and an ER visit for S5. Finally - everyone is healthy!

I will be glad when spring gets here smile

Besides that, the boys are doing great. Such a blessing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for things at home...well....I can only describe H as a bizarre spinning top, constantly in motion.

His moods change often, more frequently than in a long time. He seems confused at times. It can be about the smallest of things. One morning, it was about microwavable soup. Go figure!

He also seems to be beginning to have some understanding of things that he doesn't remember. He will ask me questions - and say things like "I totally don't remember that" or "where have I been?"

My first thought is "the mothership", but I keep that to myself. Lol!!!

He still comes up to bed, and continues to be great with the boys and helping out around the house. I always thank him for the things he does. I do really appreciate it.

At the same time, I feel like he has hit a wall as far as making an effort to be more of a husband to me. He is still sneaking around with her, still not making an effort to be physically affectionate with me or spend time with me.

So to borrow a saying from T^2, my "sitch weariness" grows each day.

I'm tired of doing the whole "roommate" thing.

Job, you have told me in the past that opportunities do find a way of presenting themselves for things to happen. Doorways seems to open when it's time. I have found that to be very true. So for today, I'm waiting patiently. wink

One more thing-

H's family has planned a week long trip to the beach this summer. His parents, siblings, their spouses and children, and yep - us. The house is already booked.

This happens to be where we got engaged. No, I didn't pick the spot - lol!!

I came home one day from grocery shopping, and his parents were over talking about the trip.

H seemed... Excited. Was pulling things up online, and kept bringing up places we went when we were there years ago.

A lot can happen between now and then - and probably will - lol!!


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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T,
I'm glad you posted today. I'm sorry to hear that you and your family have been sick this winter, but I'm glad to see that everyone is doing much better now. Boy, I'm right there w/you...spring's not coming fast enough for any of us. It's been a long, cold, rainy/snowy winter and it's time now for the sun to shine and the blue birds to sing!

How are you doing? Are you finding time to do some things for yourself?

I'm not surprised to read that he's starting to ask questions and admit he doesn't remember some things. Yep, the Mother Ship called depression really had a hold on him and still does.
He'll continue to ask question for quite some time and he's going to be baffled by all you reveal to him because his memory during that time was mush or Swiss cheese. As for the moods, this is normal. They are still struggling w/feeling comfortable in their own skin and yet, the inner child is still struggling to stay in control. This will eventually fade away and his moods will stabilize.

There is going to come a time when the door is going to open for you to have a chat w/your h about his "friend". He's been "back" into the marriage for a few months now and Twinkle Twat needs to start fading away this spring. I do understand being tired of the roommate scenario because it does get old and very quickly. The marriage can't be worked on w/three in the picture...not healthy at all.

The vacation plans sound interesting and I do hope that everything goes well so that all of you can enjoy yourselves.

Continue to sit quietly and the answers will come. Doors will continue to open when the time is right. Continue to dig deeper for patience because your "oldest child" is still fighting his inner child and doesn't want grow up completely...just yet.

Please take care of yourself and your two little ones.

Hang in there and stay positive!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi TVS! It's so nice to hear from you. I'm glad that you all are feeling better.

Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
So to borrow a saying from T^2, my "sitch weariness" grows each day.

I'm tired of doing the whole "roommate" thing.


I totally get this. Answer me this one, T: What does your gut tell you about the outcome here? I'm a big fan of listening to our guts. Take two Pepcids and tell me in the morning.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Hello DB Land...

It's been awhile. A lot has gone down at la casa de TVS.

Thanks Job and FY for stopping by after my last post. It's been difficult to find time to post an update, but here goes...

Spring seems to finally be here, hopefully everyone will stay healthy here. Since I last posted we had a round of strep and some nasty virus. It's been great to open up the windows and get some fresh air in here!

FY, you asked me what my gut was telling me. Good question wink

Let's go back...

Last time I posted, I was really feeling the frustration of everything seemingly being at a standstill. I was getting disgusted by not knowing if he was lying or not every time he went out. I had hit the wall, was ready to have THE talk with him - I was going to ask him to leave. I had enough.

H was in a bad car accident, totaled his car. He was okay, hurt his ribs and back. He was really shaken up and upset about it. Kept apologizing to me for wrecking the car twice (had an accident New Year's Day 2013 as well)

I was very calm about everything - told him I was just glad he was okay. That was what is important. I also did not mother hen him about taking care of everything afterwards - he made all the necessary phone calls, got rental car, etc. I also let him take the lead on finding a new car. Not my responsibility.

Here's where things get real interesting...

Days after he wrecks the car, he comes up to bed in the middle of the night, as usual. Asks me to rub his back because it hurts so bad. One thing leads to another... You can guess the rest wink

This has been consistent for the past month and a half or so.

Neither one of us has said anything about it. Not one word. Still no affection from him outside of the bedroom, though he has been very nice to me. In many ways, this has left me with more questions than answers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days after the first time we were intimate, he springs on me that he's going away on a fishing trip in a few weeks. This is a trip that he used to go on legitimately with his buddies pre- crisis, but I believe the past two years he's gone away with her. Still, I say nothing.

Weeks go by. Neither one of us say anything about the trip.

The week of the trip, I get real sick, leave work early. The night before the trip, he asks how I'm feeling - I say a little better. He then goes on and on about how I will feel like sh!t once the cold medicine wears off and that I should really call off work the next day and that maybe he should stay home so that I can rest.

Very interesting. LOL!

So, I took off work and he stayed home. Did an awesome job taking care of the boys so I could rest. But - there was one point during the weekend where he was texting a lot and seemed irritated. Says to me - since I didn't get to go away fishing this weekend, I think I may go in April. I say okay. I wanted to see how this all played out...

Once again, same routine, he says nothing more about the trip. Come the night before he was supposed to leave, he tells me that the trip fell through. This was last weekend. Instead, he spent the weekend doing yard work, even dug me a space for an herb garden as a surprise. Seemed quite happy hanging out with me and the boys. Hmmmm...

Oh don't worry, ol' FT won't disappoint you. She's as crazy as ever. She has been stirring up quite a bit of drama at work. I've stayed out of it. The few times that I've seen her, boy, she didn't exactly look pleased to see me. I love the logic... She has an affair with my husband, but gives me dirty looks. Go figure - LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been feeling a tidal wave of emotions. In so many ways, I see the man I married. There are old dynamics between us - good ones - that have been resurfacing. Feelings I have stuffed down for so long are resurfacing - feelings of anger and hurt at what he has done, but also feelings of great love. Yet, I know he's not ready to talk about any of this. I don't want to scare him, I understand this is a critical time.

I've been reading through Raine's threads from October on. So much I can relate to, a lot of similarities from that point in time. Also a lot of very valuable advice and information.

So what does my gut tell me? It tells me that this is the real deal. He's reconnecting after some touch and goes. It tells me that FT is still in the picture, though I'm not sure what capacity at this point. I feel that I need to be the stable force here, the pillar of strength, the lighthouse, whatever you want to call it.

She's been showing that's she's all over the place, quite unstable. I have been the opposite.

Right now, taking it day by day. I'm letting him lead with things, but also showing him the possibilities of what could be between us. UR may have mentioned that to me a time or two - LOL!

It was so sweet, she had a shiny new patience back hoe delivered right to my front yard. Good thing too... I'm gonna need it smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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Happy Easter everyone smile

Just wanted to say that wherever you are on your journey, whatever is going on in your sitch, hope you find some comfort and happiness with loved ones today.

Life is too short not too smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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