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TV,
I'm sorry to hear that "she's" at it. Do not allow her to rock your boat just before the holidays. She's absolutely not worth the thought...but I do think that if she's got something up her sleeve, you'll find out about it some time during the holidays. She's not content to be put on the back burner for very long, especially with this time of year. Well, whatever it, let's pray that one of the elf's puts her in the empty sack and takes her back to the North Pole.

I agree w/rH, you have a lot of fortitude to be able to put up w/this affair as long as you have. My hat's off to you.

Please take care of yourself and those darling little boys.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I do too TVS. Merry Christmas to you and I wish you and your family all the best in the new ywar


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Uurrgh!! I wanna jump through my computer and give that FT a punch in the face. Not very DB. I'm only human.

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GAL, the ow aint worth the trouble. She is nothing and could not shine TVS' shoes.

T, I know that if she has something up her sleeve, you will be one step ahead of her and act in your amazing TVS way.

I pray that she does not do anything to ruin your holidays. If she does, then all bets are off. GALbaby will have to get behind me. smile

Enjoy those wonderful children. Make new memories. Remember who you are, what you are made of.

You are an incredible woman - with enormous strength, a huge heart and a wicked sense of humor, with a depth of love for your family.

I wish you peace in your heart, laughter on your lips, a burst of happiness and love this holiday season.

I am honored to be able to call you my friend.

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Ditto URW. No worries.. I'm there. Have a wonderful Xmas. It will be loads of fun with your little ones.

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Hello DB friends smile

I hope that everyone had a good holiday, and had at least a little bit of peace and happiness with your loved ones.

Thanks rH, Job, Busting, Gal, and UW!

You are all right - ol' FT isn't worth me getting upset over. If I try to see her from a non-emotional POV, she is actually pretty sad and pathetic. There are times when I see her that I feel sad for her H and kids. I knew them. I am sure they have been hurt through all of this too.

How low of a place must a person be to have sex with a friend's husband? I'm thankful everyday I'm not her.

I will keep you all posted if anything happens. I have been sensing some desperation from her, so who knows what could be going through her mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas was good, very good. I felt that H was actually connected to what was going on around him. He seemed happy and comfortable, wasn't texting.

Christmas Eve we went over to my parent's house for dinner. H was in a happy mood. He took pics throughout the evening of me, my family, and the boys.

When we came home, he was sweet - he took the boys outside to throw their "magic reindeer food" in the yard. We left cookies and milk out for Santa. He fell asleep in the family room while I was putting the presents out. He did not come up to bed that night (he's been on/off with this)

The next morning, he was up super early. Put my breakfast casserole in the oven for me. Wrote a note to the boys from Santa smile He told me he didn't sleep well, that he was up at 4:30 am.

He filmed the boys opening their presents, and helped with opening their toys. This is a big contrast from last year where he sat comatose while I tried to take pics, video them, and help them open presents.

He had S5 pick out a charm for me for my charm bracelet, and got a deluxe sleep mask for me from S3. I got him a tool box that he wanted from the boys, and inside I put a mug that I had ordered that had a pic of the boys from our Christmas tree trip this year. He seemed to really like his stuff, and has been using his mug smile

We had both of our families over for a nice dinner on Christmas Day. It's a tradition we have done for about ten years now. H and I worked well together cooking and cleaning and entertaining. It was a fun day, the kids had a blast and the adults seemed to enjoy themselves as well.

In the days following Christmas, we have been doing various activities with family visiting from out of town. I was curious to see how H would handle this, as this has seemed to be a trigger for strange behavior for him in the past.

He's been seemingly normal, interacting with both of our families. I feel like his happiness is genuine - it would be a lot to fake or put on a mask for. It has been nice to see him be at ease instead of strange and anxious.

I've been kinda struggling though, struggling with sadness.

While it was very hard to see him be angry and miserable, I'm finding that it's hard in a different way to see him be so normal, yet not have a R with him.

I'm missing him more and more.

I'm going to see how things are once the holidays are over and things settle down a bit. It's been almost two months since we had our talk. I want to give him time, but not too much time. I meant the things that I said. I'm not going to live a life where I don't have a real R with my H.

I wanted to share a devotional that I have found to be really helpful to me smile

"Until the new normal is normal

When humans face major changes and crisis in their lives, the root of their unhappiness is always the same. When someone we love dies or we face financial ruin or we find ourselves now living with a life- altering medical issue, we just want things to go back to normal! But that's not going to happen because we can't undo life. We can only learn to live within our new 'normal'.

We can longingly gaze back to the past or we can choose to forge ahead and explore all the wonders God has in store for us in our new normal. Healing takes time - it doesn't happen overnight and the first step is to let go of what was and take hold of what is."

Have a great Saturday everybody smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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^^ The new normal^^

I like that smile

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Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious

I've been kinda struggling though, struggling with sadness.

While it was very hard to see him be angry and miserable, I'm finding that it's hard in a different way to see him be so normal, yet not have a R with him.

I'm missing him more and more.


I understand exactly what you feel TVS. My W is also often "so normal", yet we do not have a real H/W relationship, and I really miss that.

You've seen some progress since issuing your truth nuke. Is it enough for you, for now?

I think you are wise to wait until after the holidays to see how things are going... and to hold firm on your requirements and expectations.

It sounds like your H may be ready to step up to the plate.

Here's to a Happy New Year for the TVS family!


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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My sweet friend, you and I have talked about some of this.

You know, I think in this life, some people think that one should not be sad. And I dont think that is right.

You had a great lifestory with this man. You love him deeply. So, it stands to reason that you are sad from time to time. He looks the same, yet he is not.

I would be worried about you if you didnt feel this way at times.

All this is counterintuitive to what you want to be doing. You want to be holding him and kissing him and feeling him close. You want to have a real marriage with the man you love. You dont want him to be in crisis or have an ow.

Just as the holidays wreak havoc with them, hence that many BDs happen around them, they can cause some turmoil within us.

I like your devotional about the new normal. And yes, we have to embrace what is. But it is also ok to mourn what was. Just so long as we dont get mired down in it.

So, my friend, I see some positive stuff happening. And that is a good thing. I also agree that you deserve to have what you yearn for. And that might mean letting him go completely in order to have the best chance to get it.

I know that you will do this in your own time, in your amazing TVS way. And that is ok, too. smile

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Hi FY smile

It's tough, isn't it? Seeing them normal, yet not with us?

Seeing my H interact with our families over the holidays filled me with mixed emotions.

My H had an awesome sense of humor pre- crisis, he always knew how to make me laugh.

But that sense of humor up and left town at bomb. Didn't leave a forwarding address either wink

This Christmas, he was like his old self. Joking around with everyone, including me. He was even teasing me and being playful.

Yet... I feel like I always have to watch myself and be on guard. Don't want to do anything to spook him or scare him. It's a crappy way to live, certainly not meant for long- term or a lifetime.

Time will tell if he is truly ready to step up to the plate or not. Because truthfully, this girl is about done with this game.

I hope you have a great new year too, and keep on busting! smile

Hello dear friend smile

Yep, we've talked about this. No matter where we are at in our journey, it's tough stuff. It's inevitable for emotions to surface and cycle.

My H and I do have an incredible life story together. We have been through so much together, I feel like this crisis is really just another pit stop on our journey. Even now, after everything that he has done to hurt me and our family, I would be lying if I said that I didn't still love him deeply or feel a strong connection with him. I do.

But loving him doesn't bring him through the crisis or make him face his issues. Only he can do that.

For me, and it may be different for each person, the "letting go" has been a slow process... Kind of like giving him more and more slack on that rope till I get to the very end. Then, it gets dropped completely.

I think we both know that time is coming soon.

You have told me many times that you believe my story with H is not over yet. I believe that too smile

But this next part might get a little hairy wink

Thank you for being there with me each step of the way, guiding me along, cheering me on, and picking me up to keep me going.

As you would say... I am honored to call you my friend smile


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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