That's kind of what I read in there as well. The expectations. Those are killer.
She is going to do what she is going to do. Including toward the kids. Trust me. It's been years since the D with my ex, she's remarried and my kids still get similar behavior as you describe. It is what it is. I listen, I validate, but I don't meddle nor offer advice. It doesn't help to offer advice and the kids need to figure out how to deal with their mom in their own way. My place is to be their dad. Not more than that.
I tried for a while to be more. To make up for the lost parent, if you will. That doesn't work, I can tell you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
At one point before the family left, W said that she wished I were coming with them. That actually confused me. Maybe that's what got my expectations up. If she wished I were going then maybe I expected she'd stay in touch while gone.
Either way, the expectations were mine and I based them on what I wish for and not reality. I talked to S15 yesterday and found out they are coming home tomorrow. I knew it was soon but W had never clarified which day and I got tired of asking for details.
As far as life while they've been gone. I've done OK. I went out with a friend the first weekend to an Italian Festival in town and had fun. I started training for a half marathon and played "tour guide" to a vendor who was in town for a couple days. Other than that, I was taking care of 2 energetic and emotionally needy dogs...
Our 22nd anniversary is next Friday. The idea of "celebrating" just isn't there for me. The past couple years we've at least gone out to dinner or something, but it was very mechanic. I may do something family oriented. There is a popular theater in town that does a summer movie series of older movies and they are playing "Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom." It's a little guy-oriented and I think my son will like it. The next weekend they are doing a Mamma Mia sing along, which I think my daughter would love so I may plan that one as well so that may equal things out.
W still hasn't heard anything from the schools for an interview but they said it may be later in the summer.
This thread is over 100 now so I'll probably start a new one. Not sure if I'll post it here or back in newcomers. I think I'm the only one who posts here so I may move back to newcomers and eliminate one less forum to enter for myself and others.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
It struck me reading your post that it seems you expect a lot of details from a not very detail oriented person. She seems a bit fly-by-night, would you agree?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
No actually. She's very detail oriented. She's one of those people who include every little detail in a story and can get caught up on one spot if she can't recall a specific detail. She'll stay there in the story and process it until she either figures out the detail or realized its not truly important to what she was saying and will move on. (Then when she thinks of it later will tell you what it was).
And when she says something out of the blue, she will go back and explain the train of thought that got her to the statement she spoke out loud.
In the past I use to get the full break down of her day, what she did, where she went, who she talked to, thoughts, feelings, the works. She says I didn't hear her but I remember this being part of coming home every day.
Now she has chosen not to share her life with me which includes the details. It seems to boil down to what she has said. She does not want a D, but her actions indicate she is not willing to work towards a healthy M. The facts remain that the only regret she has shared about her PA is that the OM chose to end the PA and stay with his W. We still have separate rooms and her words and actions indicate she does not love me.
What I want (expect) is that if we're going to stay together then we're going to make this a healthy M. That's not happening so again I am back to the same point...Time to move on. I'll be the bad guy because she's being nicer to me and I'm at peace with that. Still no specific timing. The only thing at this point that may delay me is waiting until she knows she has a teaching job so she's not stressed about a D while trying to interview. Not sure yet how I'll play that one.
As for me, I got out last night and picked up a half-dozen cupcakes from a local bakery and dropped them off at a friend's house is in the process of moving. Ran some errands and talked & texted with friends. More errands today (pricing new running shoes for my next half-marathon) and cleaned up the back yard so it looks decent before the rain moved in. I'll clean up the house some more because I want to and get some work done on a new project that came up on friday.
Last edited by ces67; 06/07/1410:56 PM.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
