My 180

[Guitarist]

A 180 is supposed to be about personal development. But she left me after I'd done so much personal dev...

I'd made great progress in martial arts, music, and self control.


Now, I am stopping personal development. I quit playing music and developing any music career. I am going back to being a corporate slave.

I think she will like this, as it represents personal sacrifice.

[Cadet]

Guitarist

180's are for YOU.
They are not to win her back.
Thats not going to work.

You have to detach from her and look in the mirror and make yourself into a person that only a fool would leave.

What changes do you need to make so that can happen?

[MrBond]

We need more of your background if you're looking for help.

[Chrispy]

I feel like my 180 started last night. After she told me, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to be intimate with you...the only thing I'm interested in doing with you is raising our children.
So not only does that rip my heart out...it motivates me to absolutely 180...

I can't just be a standing target for her blows, even if it is the truth.....

[Guitarist]

Me: 40
She: 41
Married 15y, together 18y.
I had MLC around age 33, cheated, was mean to her.

Feb 2012, she asked for marriage band. I didn't give it to her. (regret).

She took job at at a mobile tech co, started speaking at tech events worldwide with her former boss, now teammate (they two are a team). Apparently he helped her career a lot.

After she started that job, the relationship took a nosedive. She got abusive started lying, rewriting history and making up crazy stories, wouldn't go outside with me. I suspected an A, but did not know any of divorce busting or anything I was clueless.

Things were bad at her prior job, where they also worked together, but in between jobs, it was awesome.

Her big complaint: I never work. So now I am returning to tech.

She will not talk to me anymore. Won't return calls or emails. Trying to get me into trouble with others.

She was always the relationship caretaker. Now, she's a walk away wife.

How can I plant seeds of intention; to show her that I love her? I want to fix all the bad things. It's not as if I can't find any girl, but my wife is my life partner and I love her. Please help me save my marriage.

[Guitarist]

So now you know.

I guess the 180 could include buying her the wedding bands and engagement ring she never had.

She won't return any calls of mine, though.

[KarenR]

I would hold off on buying the bands, etc at this point. However there are things that could work and make a difference. I suggest you speak to a DB coach, as they are experts in looking at what has happened to bring you to this point in your relationship and what is the best way to interact with her, so that you are most likely to bring her closer and not push her any further away. Your coach's expertise will help you come up with a very specific plan (that may be counterintuitive to what you feel like saying and doing)on how to best turn things around. I wish you all the best and would be happy to discuss the coaching with you.

[angel61]

HI Guitarist, found you!