Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2399861 11/01/13 05:51 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
I have a question regarding 180's. I do a lot of things for my husband. Especially his search for a Fire Fighter job. Applications etc. Do I stop this? I want him to get a job smile They are always time sensitive and require a lot of work.

Things I don't do now: he does his own laundry, not a great house keeper which REALLY bothers him. Stop picking on him (his words) Stop arguing and over reacting. Listen to what he has to say and stop talking! These things I am working on daily.

Thanks for any help!


Here is my latest post and there is one before that on there as well.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2397589&page=1


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
Originally Posted By: NotAgainPlease
I want him to get a job smile


WHY do you want him to get a job?

I mean I would like all unemployed people to get a job, and their to be world peace and harmony.

Would you fill out the applications for someone you met at the unemployment office?


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
Part of our stress has been 3 years ago H needed to change careers. He decided to become a Paramedic/FF. He has been in school and training all that time. Money was very tight and we sold 2 boats, horse trailer, tractor, etc to live. H was working part time I was working as a Realtor as I have tome for 8 years.
No I wouldn't fill out for someone in the unemployment line. We have sacrificed so much as a family it is important to start this career.
H was offered a job as a medic/ff last month and was ready to start but the city put a freeze on it for now. Again more stress.
I have always helped/done this for him. I am just afraid to stop because I want to make sure it gets done. He is capable (I think) but not always available.

H came home from work in the morning after his 24hr shift. I sent H a halloween photo of the kids otherwise no contact. He called on his way home to see if I submitted a job app for him? He went to do it and said it was submitted already. I said yes because it need to be ASAP and new he couldn't do it in time. He thanked me and said one of the certification is expired. I reread the job announcement and it had to be turned in by 11/13. I called and scheduled an appt for Sat. He thanked me.

Husband came home from football game with son late last night. He was really tired because he didn't get any sleep on his shift.
I know he is tired but he is so grouchy. He said he thought he was being nice?? I just said I would appreciate if e would not talk to me in that tone. As nicely as I could.
Maybe it has to do with giving up the EA. He was the one who volunteered to do it and said this am I pressured him..I simply said if he wanted to stay here though January he needed to end it. I guess that's pressure? Before this he was still somewhat affectionate, talkative and nice. Now not so much. I guess it is part of all of this.
I also made it clear due to the history of telling me now 4 times he has ended it I really don't believe it. But I will try my hardest to believe.
I have been trying NC as much as I can. He is just so cold and I have to really bite my tongue and go with it. Not much tongue left!!
We are going to my daughters cheer completion today. We'll see?? I will just put on a smile and be happy!!
_________________________


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 502
Since he lives at home, I will start my 180 by: leaving the room or house when H comes in. I will not wait on him for dinner, I will be pleasant and not initiate conversations. I will not be doing all the things he asks or needs me to do for him. Since I do all these things he will notice. The other day I said I was going to leave the room when he came in. H said you don't have to do that. Oh, yes I do! I am sure he will notice these things.
I know NC with OW was part of the deal for him to stay in the house but I will leave it alone for now!


M15 T19
D13 S13
BD Affair 9/13
S 11/13
D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together.
Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 22
J
New Member
Offline
New Member
J
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 22
I'm new and so feel free to ignore my advice in this situation. In the past, I've also done job applications, internship applications, and other things to further my husband's school and career. However, as part of my 180, I'm letting him take care of him. I'm not reminding him about deadlines or letting him know when he needs to do something. I know this seems counter-intuitive to the interests of the family unit, but if I continue to do all the things to support him that I've always done, he'll just be comfortable with the status quo.


M: 26 H: 30
no kids
M: 4 T: 6

BD / I moved out of in-laws: 10/9/13
Changes mind from divorce to MC (never went): 10/15
Conflicted/ambivalent but more positive: 10/26
Doesn't know what he wants: 11/7

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard