Halloween is tomorrow, so I'm performing our family's traditional and annual "Dad has been so busy juggling so many different balls in the air that he forgot to get a pumpkin and will be carving it tonight with the girls Halloween-eve Extravaganza"!
With the busy weekend I forgot about Halloween, and then Monday rolled around and I remembered, but I don't see them on Mondays or Tuesdays because I have class in the evenings. Doh!
So a little pumpkin carving tonight, some devotions, some homework checking, some praying with and tucking in. I am thankful that XW and I have a relationship that has facilitated a fairly good initial transition for the girls and that I am able to see them more frequently than the divorce decree states.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
PM, thank you for posting on my thread. I see you're a man of faith, and your spirituality has helped you and is helping you now. These are tough times, so I'll be praying for you and your family. Enjoy the pumpkin carving. I haven't carved a pumpkin since college but I've been eating a lot of them lately! :-) (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))
I am thankful that XW and I have a relationship that has facilitated a fairly good initial transition for the girls and that I am able to see them more frequently than the divorce decree states.
Yeah. That's a lot to be thankful about.
I'm glad my W or STBXW does not restrict my time with my kids although she's a real pain right now.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
PM, thank you for posting on my thread. I see you're a man of faith, and your spirituality has helped you and is helping you now. These are tough times, so I'll be praying for you and your family. Enjoy the pumpkin carving. I haven't carved a pumpkin since college but I've been eating a lot of them lately! :-) (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))
Thank you very much.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I was reading your post before that about the "dating" scene.
I'm around young people a lot with my job...and it truly is disturbing how freely many of them "hook up"...definitely a different generation. But, good to see you are getting out some.
I agree with uR. You're an "ok" guy. Lol. Your advice and perspective is invaluable on these boards. Thanks, again, for your insight and help!
Had "one of those" evenings yesterday. Was just ticked off at XW in general - not for myself (really, NEVER for myself anymore) - but for the kids.
I don't like what they're going through.
I don't like how often they're left at home unattended so she can work (which is a half-hour away with no traffic - I'm 45 minutes away without traffic).
I don't like the lack of attention they get from her because she's scrambling all the time trying to just scrape by.
I don't like the how D3 treats XW and how XW is allowing the D's (in general) to get away with more than they should because she feels guilty about all of the above points (W tells me problems with kids behaviors - I used to offer solutions, which were met with "I feel bad so I allow..." - well, THAT attitude is leading to THIS behavior, but I guess since you won't do what is needed to correct it, you just want to complain about it to me.
I don't like the look in my kids eyes when I have to leave...I don't like the look in their eyes most of the time because I can just SEE the hurt.
That's what was going through my mind on my one hour and forty minute commute to the kids' house yesterday (traffic), as they were home alone waiting for me so we could go trick-or-treating because XW had left a couple of hours before to go to work.
All things that are mostly out of my control...I know. Sometimes it builds up and I feel that...indignation. And they have to go through all this because she has to prove something to herself. Well that's just dandy.
It's fine, though, because...you know..."kids are resilient" and "they'll be fine" and all that balderdash today's society accepts.
I will control what I can control, which means the girls will have an AWESOME time with me this weekend.
Some say it's good that XW still reaches out to me to vent. Some say she's using me as a crutch and she'll never get to the place she's stated she wants to go (being "okay on her own") as long as I am that crutch.
The correct answer is: it's both. But since we told the D's, I've been pulling away from her more.
I understand the risks. She's a mess, and she admits that. We'll see if she really works to be okay on her own, or if she just finds another crutch.
And, yes, D's and I had an AWESOME time trick-or-treating.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Also, in general I have become more confrontational lately...more like the version of myself from 10-15 years ago. I would call it "short tempered in the presence of inappropriate behavior."
Last weekend I had two engagements with strangers, certainly above my average. I'm not out looking for fights or to cause trouble, I just have always been wired in a way that if I see something wrong, I feel the call to jump into action to correct it. I suppose that's partly the Marine in me.
And that isn't inherently a bad thing, but - to be honest - with these two engagements that were reactions to the actions of strangers, there was certainly some initial anger in me...that *snap* that occurs when my toleration cup is full/overflowing and it's simply time to square things away. Add in the presence of my kids and my cup fills up that much faster.
But it's the initial acting out of anger part is out of my norm, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
The first instance I handled fine and got the response I was looking for. The second time I ended up handling myself fine, but I shouldn't have reacted that way initially and haven't reacted that way in a while.
Perhaps the events of last Friday night - telling D's about the D - have been affecting me more than I consciously realize. I know I have had a bit of an emotional hiccup over the last few weeks with multiple stimuli (that I spoke to earlier in this thread).
Holding myself accountable,
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
XW discovered on Friday evening that she is essentially out of money and is unable to pay her due bills. I was with her when she figured this out and she was, understandably, very distraught. I offered no financial assistance all weekend, though I felt like she wanted me to offer (mind reading, but just saying that's how I felt). I didn't sleep well Friday night - I maybe got 2 or 3 hours, but I prayed a lot.
It's a difficult experience to watch and not help. BUT, it is an important boundary and I am respecting her wishes. Help from me isn't help. She needs to be okay on her own - "help" from me is facilitating her getting there. In this case, that's NOT swooping in to kick her financial problems can down the road another month.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
PM - I'm glad you feel this way about the money stuff. In about two months, my W is going to be in the same boat, and I'm not looking forward to it. I felt guilty about wanting to help her, honestly.
What would you do if you knew it meant her losing her house/apartment, and disrupting kids' lives? Just offer to keep them with you?
