Thanksgiving was nice, albeit difficult and a little odd. First Thanksgiving that both of W's parents were gone. W's mom's b-day would have been on Thanksgiving day this year. And first Thanksgiving spent without W in 18 years. But many blessings to be thankful for and glad to have spent the day with my family.
I sent W a Thanksgiving card...not a mushy "wife" card, but just a "Thanksgiving Blessings" card. She worked from home on Wed and sent me an email (at work) that she had got it and thanked me for the card. She asked me to pick up some food and things for the cats and said I could come over Sunday after Church to see them and drop the items off. I went over on Sunday for about 2 hours. W and I talked mostly about the changes here at work and some things about the cats. No personal discussions about Thanksgiving or anything like that; and no mention of the D. I did notice W had the card I sent her displayed on the table with her other cards. Other than the email Wed and the visit on Sunday, no other contact from W.
Called SD on Wed and got voice mail. Left a message for her to have a Happy Thanksgiving.
That's a good interaction. Slowly increase the positive interactions and drop little hints about what you've been up to. Personal tidbits to help show that you trust her with your info.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yesterday leaving work, W asked about where I had gotten our big desk calendars and small calendar refills last year...I told her where I got them. Last night, I was in the plaza where there is one of the stores that carries them, so I picked up a big one for W as well as a refill for her.
Told W this morning at work that I had picked them up for her since I was there. She thanked me and wanted to pay me for them (cost was approx $15), I just said it was no big deal. Made a "Merry Christmas" joke out of it and she (i think) smiled a little.
Also, yesterday, W emailed me and asked what I wanted to do regarding my AAA membership. She said I could get my own or she would renew me as an associate member under her's. I asked her what option she preferred and she said it didn't matter...she said she was fine keeping me under her's as an associate member for now and that it would be cheaper for me. Kinda surprised me that she didn't just tell me to get my own membership. She just asked for the money to renew it, which I gave to her today.
Quick update....W just sent me an email that says she really wants to pay me for the calendars and if i don't tell her how much, she will have to find out on her own.
i emailed her back that it was no big deal and it was around $13 and change.
not sure why she is being adament about paying it back. if she does, do i just accept it and not say anything further?
Just wanted to drop a note and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
I know we all have our situations, and sometimes it seems hopeless or futile. Hang in there...may the Grace of God be with you all not just at this time of year, but everyday.
Thank you MrBond (and the others) who have commented on my situation and offered insight. May your holidays be blessed.
Met with W this past Sunday...she is still intent on D. Said that she didn't do anything with the D since it was holiday time, but that she has not and will not change her mind. She has the papers filled out and just needs to submit to attorney.
Christmas was tough as was New Year's. One phone call from her on Christmas morning, which lasted about 10mins. On Sunday, she said the only reason she called was because the week prior she told me she would and she didn't want to be a liar...so she called out of obligation on Christmas. No contact over New Years. Nothing from her family or from SD.
When I was over there on Sunday, I said I missed her and I loved her. Said that I respect her decision to Divorce, but that I strongly believed we could work through it. She shook her head and said her heart was no longer in it. That she wasn't going back. I said it wasn't about going back but moving forward. Talked about some articles that I've read in regards to couples who have made it through affairs. She just said she would never trust me again and it was over.
She did say a couple times that she has moments where she is sad and moments where she hates my guts. That if she had an affair on me, I would want a divorce too and not want to try.
There was no arguing as we talked. It was more her stating she was moving forward with the D.
I've been very sad since Sunday. Wishing there was something I could say or do. Not sure where to go from here. Just wait for the papers, I guess. Seems like I should be doing something more for the M and for W. But it seems like it is just giving up to do nothing.
