I found kellyagain under the MLC archives. I didn't see your original thread for a few pages, but you could start here and hunt through till you find it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I found kellyagain under the MLC archives. I didn't see your original thread for a few pages, but you could start here and hunt through till you find it.
There are a 102 of her posts still on the forum out of the 1043 she made, I dont see what she can find by hunting, the rest are purged.
Sorry but I guess you get to start again with a beginners mind. DB 101
IWBF, I can totally relate to so much of what you're posting. I get the private school thing; I get the wanting to go to work or stay at school late; I get not appreciating his doing something "now," when it really no longer matters, when he wouldn't do it when it did; just so much of what you've said, I get.
It really is wonderful of you to post. Not many are brave enough to come here amidst a ton of LBS's and proclaim that they're a WAS wannabe. You don't sound like you're in a fog to me either, especially in light of the fact that there is no OM. This doesn't mean you don't have things to work on, we all do. But it's very nice to hear your perspective on things.
I am curious about one thing, does your H know you're planning on leaving? If he does yet he's still doing the gaming thing, I think you have your answer. If he doesn't, I'm curious why he was helping you clean out the basement?
One thing I see that I think a lot of us LBS's have experienced, at least I did, is that once someone has decided to leave they're almost terrified that things might be salvageable. So the LBS can't win, they svck if they don't change and they svck if they do change because why didn't they change before. It's too hard for the potential WAS to try to drop all the defenses and accept little improvements so they reject. In DB the only solution for that is distance and time. If the WAS can leave and get lots of time alone they can drop some of their own baggage and see a little more clearly what potential there might be to create a better marriage with a changed/changing LBS. It's rare, but it happens.
So maybe you need to just separate for a while and get your space, so you can stop getting more angry at every nice or responsible thing your H does.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
