Hi, I haven't posted in quite awhile. Was previously on a different board. Well....after 5 years, my husband moved out tonight. It was heartbreaking. He cried. I cried. No fighting, it was all very civilized. We even drank some champagne toast what "we had". He never admitted to his affair(s) but he did tell me that he is truly sorry, that he wants to start being a nicer person, etc. Honestly, he has been so nice to me in some ways (just today he replaced my computer keyboard that was broken, and bought me a new TV for my home office), but I honestly knew it was coming. He has been paying bills off, taking care of our house issues (termites, drainage, etc...). During our conversation he said that this is our family house and he never wants me to worry about that or money. I told him that I wish I was more savvy and had all of my ducks in a row like him.
After I found out that he was secretly paying rent $700/mo, I figured something was up. Not to mention that he hasn't been affectionate for months. Very unusual for him. He says he is leaving because "he wishes he was different, but he needs to be independent". And this is true. I found out that he has a trailer on a big piece of land in the neighboring town. Similar to where he started when he moved to CA from CO. Also close to OW. Not sure if they still see each other, but I'm guessing yes. We'll see. He told me I deserve better.
So sad, his side of the closet was cleaned out, his office drawers, his nightstand (including his wedding ring). He did all of this in 3 hrs while I was out.
So just have an aching head from crying. He said he would tell our D19 who is away at college and our S22 who still lives at home but is housesitting this weekend.
The one good thing that came out of it is that I told him that I knew that he was paying rent to someone (he said it wasn't until April, but I know it was before January and I told him I have copies of checks - which I do). And I told him that I knew all about his "secret" P.O. Box and "secret" cell phone, both of which he denied. Got that off of my chest....finally!
I have no one to talk to but this board at this point! haha. Tomorrow, everyone will know. Thanks for listening.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
My husband did the same,said the same that I deserved better,sounds like it's the usual on here,it's like a script. He has been gone 2 years but still comes over a lot , still heartbroken and don't understand why, sorry not much help to you but I'm still standing and hoping but I do get on with my life
Thank you for your thoughts! I like to hear that folks that have gone through this are moving on. I know it's a process. Argh! My H actually moved back in on the Sunday after the Friday that he moved out. Damage control? Perhaps. The jury is still out. Hugs and best wishes to you
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
It's kind of crzy that our H's just walk away bc/ they want to be "independant" etc.... and we just have to sit there, "understand" and wish them well.
For you to have been married 24 yrs, you seem to be handling this very well.
All the best to you on this journey.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
I have been married 24 years as well and my children are about the ages of yours. My H moved out to live with OW a year ago. OW is 17 years younger than he, is divorced and has 3 children all living at home. My son lives at home but will be moving soon and my daughter moved out 3 months ago - she didn't want to be around here any longer. She rarely speaks to her father. I believe that my H's affair started over two years ago. They work in the same building. OW's divorce became final after they started their affair.
My H also talked about independence when he told me about OW. Then he said he wanted me to move on. We would be roommates and help the children financially. But then H moved out.
I haven't been able to move on. I am standing for my marriage. I cry almost everyday. Not only have I lost my H, but I have lost my D and my S because they want to be far away from home now.
I worked very hard during our marriage to raise our children, and worked outside of our home which was for at least 10 years of our marriage the stable income. My H had an affair 10 years ago too and he came back after 2 years. We didn't deal with our issues at all.
That is why we are where are - I believe.
If your H is back in your home and you want to save your marriage and your family - consider looking into a program by Mort Fertel. I found his program a few months into my ordeal and although my H's affair continues, I believe the program has helped me handle my actions. My H and I are cordial to each other and at times we flirt and even are intimate.
Living in limbo like I am (and did 10 years ago) is quite difficult. I know most people would tell me to give up. But I can't give up on my H or my family.
