I don't know what to do and I'm trying to remain hopeful but I'm running out of steam. Several months ago my husband received a call from a woman on his cell phone. I asked him about it and all he said was, it's nothing. I grew very suspicious because this woman's name came up a few times throughout our 10-year marriage. After a few days of him still not wanting to talk, I left and went to a family members house. We had very heated arguments while I was there and I said some nasty things.
After two months he told me he was going out of town and asked if I wanted to stay in our home. We have a pet that needed to be taken care of. I did and when I came home I found something that was a huge clue to his indiscretion. He was cheating and going at least 3 hrs away from home to where she lives to do it.
I decided while he was gone to come back home. Up until that point he made me feel like he didnt want me back because of all the bad times we had in our marriage in the last. But I didn't want to be further inconvenienced by not being home. He wasn't happy that I came back but he didnt tell me to leave either.
The first month was really rough. He barely spoke to me and we mostly avoided each other but after a while he started to talk a little more a d more. He continued to take trips out of town every other week a d lying about where he was going but I knew exactly where he was.
He went to see her for his bday and then he took a vacation. Since he came back from his vacation (a month a d a half ago) he has not gone back to see her. Our relationship has gotten much better and we talk and watch movies and we've been intimate several times. The problem is that he is unsure about working on our marriage and he still talks to this woman although he hasn't seen her. He admitted to his affair but doesnt feel that he was wrong because I left and he said it was over when I left. He's known her for several years but not longer than he knows me but he claims they never had an intimate relationship with her prior to me leaving, which I can believe because he was never gone on out of town trips for the weekend before. I think it may have been an EA before I left but he says it wasn't and they've just been friends for years.
I told him recently that we cannot heal our marriage if he's still in contact with her but he's unsure about letting her friendship go, which pisses me off. We have a child together. I don't know what to do. Wait it out? Hope that he doesn't decide to take his weekend trips again? If he does it's over but I hate even wondering if he will.
I am sorry you are in this situation. If you just wait it out, nothing might change. But if you start changing what you are doing and how you react to him, he will take notice that things cannot continue the way they have been. Have you read DR yet? Are you talking to a coach or marriage counselor? I suggest that you get help asap to get yourself on a track that is best for you and your child and more likely that he will want to keep his family together. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
no. haven't read it. i'm working part-time and money is super tight. i've changed how i do things a lot. not argumentative and defensive and i believe that's why he's been responding positively.
