My H is planning to go to see the solicitor in about a month's time. He's already delayed it once because he said he thought I wasn't talking to him as I didn't ring him up to ask about his interview. So, 180 is working already! On Saturday, we had a church fete and my H ended up coming for the whole of the time instead of just coming to pick up my son. He offered to run a stall or he got roped into doing this by the vicar. Anyway, however it happened, this is how it was! I was on another stall somewhere else so didn't have the need to go over to talk to him. He bought me a burger for my lunch, a cupcake and a mug of coffee. When he left he said he'll be back at 2pm on Sunday to bring my son back home. On Sunday I went out for lunch with my friend. I didn't hear the phone ring and when I looked at my phone there was 4 missed calls - 2 from my son and 2 from my H. I rang H back and he said they had got back early and just checking I was still alive! I said I'll be back at 2pm as I'm out with my friend at the mo. He said no problem, see you at 2pm. When I got back, my neighbour drew me into a conversation and I was talking to him for about 5 mins. I went into my home and said I'm just going to the toilet. My son wanted to talk to me about something whilst I was upstairs and so after I'd spoken to him, I went downstairs to speak to H. He mentioned about the fact he's seen me get out of the car and talking to my neighbour, looks like he was watching for me. The reason I'm finding 180 hard work is because my H's post still gets delivered here and if it's something important I've to let him know. Also he wants me to ring him to let me know how my son did on his exams that he's doing. So I've had to text him tonight to let him know about some mail he's got. I wasn't going to ring him about my son tonight, I was going to wait until tomorrow and then speak to him. At the moment it is easy to go NC on him as I don't really want to talk to him. It stressed me out when I saw the post and thought oh no that means I've got to ring/text him tonight! How am I supposed to do a 180 on him when he wants me to ring him all the time? I want him to change his mind about the divorce as it's only been 2 months since he left and I've not yet got my head around that! I don't feel I've got enough time for him to notice that I'm not contacting him as much. I know he probably won't change his mind about us, but I'm hoping there is hope one day for a R. I don't think he's thought this D through properly or the impact it's going to have on us both. He still wants us to stay "friends" and be there for each other. He wants half the house, which he thinks my mum will buy him out. I don't think she will, so he could have to wait until I sell the house which I'm not going to. And he thinks that D is not a huge deal and it's going to be over and done with in 6 months. Yes it might be if everything goes smoothly, which I doubt it will! He thinks I'm not going to get myself a solicitor, so he thinks he'll get what he wants and it'll all be plain sailing without any messiness. I think he's living in fantasy land. I read the section about uncommon sense in the DB book and wondered if there's anything that I could say or do for him to have a rethink about this D? Any suggestions or help will be gratefully received, just don't hit me with any 2x4s, lol. Thanks Just delaying this D is on my mind at the moment, I've got so much on I don't need this extra pressure!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hi Cadet Thanks for the good advice My counsellor said the same thing to me the other week about him getting back the control from me. She said that I was the one who always made the decisions in this marriage and now he wants to get back control off me. Yes he does go mad when I do the complete opposite to what he tells me to do. I'm starting to realise that this is controlling behaviour. I have read Sandy's 37 rules and I think I'm following most of them. I will have a look at the going dark link in a min. I've ordered DR so I'm hoping that'll help as well
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
