On Saturday, the 8th, my water broke around 9:15 pm and he was here before 11:45! It was fast and furious (I got the epidural just in time, but it was still much more intense than my labor with my D), but uncomplicated, and he's perfect.
I love him so much. And I am so happy.
I have some sadness about not having this overwhelming sense of happiness and love with my D that I am having with this baby boy. I wouldn't call it guilt, because I feel like my fear about my situation at the time justified my lack of happiness last time. It just makes me.... sad.... that I didn't have these feelings with D.
But that is not enough to damper how I feel about this child. And D has been the sweetest big sister so far. She has been patient and kind. And pretty well behaved, even for a fiercely independent 2 year old.
I will never be able to fully express my thanks to you all. Because without you all, I definitely would not have this sweet baby boy. I seriously doubt I would be alive, much less have another child with my H, and one that I love so much.
So thank you. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the guidance. Thank you for pushing me. Thank you for challenging me. And thank you for not giving up on me and on my family. This child would not be here without help from you all. And I am so grateful and indebted to all of you for that.
No. Rephrase.... I can have sex with him, but I'm a hot mess afterwards (and not in the sexy kind of way).
We were intimate for the first time since my S was born. The actual act was just fine. But today, my mind has been flooded by images of him kissing OW, the pictures that I saw, the messages I read, the condom receipt I found.
I had a full blown panic attack when the kids went down for their afternoon naps.
3 f@cking years. Does this sh!t ever go away?
I told H the kind of day I was having. I told him it's a major issue that we can't be intimate without me being flooded. He said we'd work on it in therapy. Other than more EMDR, I'm not sure what we can do... but trauma was never my field of expertise.
Thank God I have the kids around. They make me contain the crazy a little bit.
Does anyone know of a support website for people who are still married after an affair? I'm just really struggling lately.
Don't get me wrong, I think this forum is great (clearly), but it feels like most folks here are either preventing a D, surviving alone after a D, or avoided the D without an A.
Maybe it's just that I'm postpartum, but I really do love being a SAHM. I think most of my struggles lately are because I have nothing else to focus on (hear me out...). I've always made myself be overly busy, even since early childhood, and later in adolescence I just turned that into a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with difficult things.
As an adult, I've done the same thing. So now that I only have my children to focus on, that's great and all... but when they're napping... and I'm alone with my thoughts....
I know, I would love to be doing other projects in my house while they sleep. There's always something to clean, organize, craft, whatever. But 1) my S is having a harder and harder time not sleeping on me (I am counting the days to sleep training age...), and 2) the problems will still be there whether I think about them or not.
So even if I do busy myself, I'm just suppressing my feelings.
My T has requested that I double up on my sessions to do more intense EMDR. Seeing as I don't go back to work until August, this is doable. We start next week.
It would just be nice to talk to someone who's been on the other side of this. Because right now, I cry every day when my H leaves for work and when my children go to sleep.
So, like I said, if anyone knows of anywhere specifically for people who have stayed married after an A, I'd really appreciate the resource. Thanks.
mmayre, I can understand what you are saying. I think the imbalance of people who are surviving after D and those managing to prevent divorce is just the statistical result. Most relationships that come to this point don't work it out. I think the whole point of DB though is to make sure you do the work to be okay even if the WAS is unwilling to change directions. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but I don't know there is a place you can go and find mostly couples that worked through it all and got back on track. Anywhere you will find the mix and the larger portion will be those that could not do it.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I dreamed that I was, essentially, a fly on the wall in H's work during the A and that I'd see random people saying, "yes, his wife is pregnant and doesn't even know he's f@cking OW all over the office" and then OW laughing about the fact that she knew H was married, and I was pregnant, and didn't care.
I just feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside.
My H didn't have a PA, but he had EA's...multiple ones.
The hatred you feel...wow. I'm glad you expressed that because I can empathize. I really disliked H. I really dislike him now for what he's doing to this marriage by filing behind my back...again. And using it as a control measure.
The only person I've ever hated in my life is his mother. However, the feelings I have towards H, even though I want to R, are eerily similar.
You've made me realize that him moving out and getting his own place gives me some space to deal with these emotions. I have been unable to control my anger the past two months. Not to the point of being physical, but to the point of being fed up and just treating him like sh**. I start anger management counseling next week.
Thank you again for sharing.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
Mmayre16...... Can you give me some advice on how to deal with an A / H leaving while you are pregnant? I am having a really hard time and could use any advice.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
LongRoad, I'm glad I could be of some help in someway.
Twin, what are you struggling most with? Is there a thread you primarily stick to? I'm not very good at following other threads (even my own these days), but I'll try to help in any way I can (although I feel pretty messed up these past couple of weeks). For me, GAL and being away from H as much as possible was most healing.
