When part of the problem has been keeping distance, not being affectionate, etc.... Coach has been told all this, yet says to maintain no contact BUT search for the balance. U see, tables have been turned on me & I am now the one who craves it to both give & receive. I've such a strong feeling that I'm going about it wrong by not giving hugs or anything unless she asks for one...which she has done a few times in last week or 2. Wouldn't a 180 from where I WAS be to SHOW more?????
I've such a strong feeling that I'm going about it wrong by not giving hugs or anything unless she asks for one...which she has done a few times in last week or 2.
Sounds like your changes are working. Be greatful for small signs, you cn not expect big ones.
I know this thread is a bit old, but my situation is very similar to nderoo's. My husband has separated from me because he felt I wasn't attentive and affectionate enough. He was definitely the "higher desire" spouse in most ways. Now I'm devastated and so committed to changing the way I show I love him. I've learned so much lately about relationships (reading, listening to podcasts, etc.) Not sure I'll get the chance to apply what I've learned, but I hope so. So far, I've been following DR strategies (GAL, not initiating hugs, not calling, etc.) But I'm concerned. Given that my not initiating was part of the problem, is acting detached an effective strategy? He got tired of feeling like the pursuer all the time. I do believe he still loves me. I'd love any advice! Thanks!
Separated 1/15. Three young children. Hoping to reconcile.
I know this thread is a bit old, but my situation is very similar to nderoo's. My husband has separated from me because he felt I wasn't attentive and affectionate enough. He was definitely the "higher desire" spouse in most ways. Now I'm devastated and so committed to changing the way I show I love him. I've learned so much lately about relationships (reading, listening to podcasts, etc.) Not sure I'll get the chance to apply what I've learned, but I hope so. So far, I've been following DR strategies (GAL, not initiating hugs, not calling, etc.) But I'm concerned. Given that my not initiating was part of the problem, is acting detached an effective strategy? He got tired of feeling like the pursuer all the time. I do believe he still loves me. I'd love any advice! Thanks!
Make sure your messaging that you don't want the divorce. Depending on how you're going about being detached, he could interpret that it's just more of the same.
You're detaching your emotions (your emotions are your own, not his), not your love.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
