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A Message from Michele
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LRT when wife's complaint was not enough pursuit. #2169665
07/20/11 04:30 PM
07/20/11 04:30 PM
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 108
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dearme Offline OP
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dearme  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 108
I've made some major 180's over the past month, but they don't appear to have had much effect on my wife's desire for a divorce, although she has commented on the changes I've made and the "major transformation" that she sees me going through.

My dilemma is this: it appears to be time for the LRT, but complicating things is the fact that we still get along great, talk, and hang out with each other when we're home together. In fact, to an outside observer our relationship would probably appear pretty d@mn good. Some of the people who know what we're going through have even commented that we don't seem like/behave like 2 people on the verge of divorce. But be that as it may, my wife still says she loves me but is not in love with me.

In one of Michele's Q&A youtube videos, she advises a man on how to do the LRT but also tells him to think about what it was his wife felt was missing from the marriage and to start doing those things. Well, I know now that what was missing for my wife was my pursuit of her...making dates, setting aside quality time for just us, taking charge of getting a sitter so that she and I could be alone together. If I were to take the same advice that Michele gave in her video, I would start doing these things...but that seems to run counter to the LRT, which seems to suggest creating distance between onself and the walkaway spouse, and advises against any "pursuit" type behaviors like trying to make dates and schedule future plans--which are the very things my wife said were missing from our marriage. As a result, I'm very unclear on how to proceed.

The 180's I've made are for me, and I'll continue with them regardless of the effect they may or may not have on my wife's decision, but I don't know how to go about doing the things that were missing from the marriage when those things would make it appear that I am still pursuing my wife. Suggestions? Advice? I'm sort of at a loss...


H: 41
W: 35
M: 9 years
T: 10 years
S: 9
D: 7
ILYBINILWY & "I want a divorce": 6/22/2011
Piecing: 10/2011
Still going strong as of 4/2013
Re: LRT when wife's complaint was not enough pursuit. [Re: dearme] #2172800
07/31/11 12:24 AM
07/31/11 12:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 15
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Lvmywife Offline
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Lvmywife  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 15
Hi dearme. I can totally associate with ur thoughts. One of my wife's complaints was I didnt plan time for us together, although being considerate of her work schedule and my sons need was a big reason. I would like to know how to do a 180 on this also when a I hear is "I want a divorce" and she doesn't want to spend any time with just me. Thanks for the post and hope for the both of us that you get some good responses

Re: LRT when wife's complaint was not enough pursuit. [Re: Lvmywife] #2239566
04/20/12 10:48 PM
04/20/12 10:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 22
California
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LeafTurner Offline
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LeafTurner  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 22
California
I would like to understand this as well.

Re: LRT when wife's complaint was not enough pursuit. [Re: LeafTurner] #2252974
06/11/12 08:59 AM
06/11/12 08:59 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
USA
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dscl Offline
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dscl  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
USA
Having the same issue.


M-41
W-41
D-7
M- 10yrs
I still love you, but 4-25-12
Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12
Confirmed PA 6-9-12
Re: LRT when wife's complaint was not enough pursuit. [Re: dscl] #2318341
01/28/13 05:46 PM
01/28/13 05:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
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LBH_LC Offline
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LBH_LC  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
Ditto


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