Not sure if my 180's are backfiring

[AM2012]

I have a long post in the newcomers section regarding my issues with my H. Long story short my spouse is a WAS who wants everything on his terms.

This is where my current issue set in. We currently live in a rental house and its very $$ so I want to move out and purchase my own place with the proceeds from the sale of our house. H wants to move in because he still hasn't made his decision if he wants to be with me.

So I just received legal advice that if he moves in with me even though I am paying for the house that if we get divorced he is entitled to half. This is the last thing I need.

So I told him that 1. I don't buy this house or 2. I buy it and he can't move in explaining to him why.
He said fine I will get my own place. I say great but I want a seperation agreement because I don't want to be paying for 2 Houses.

He thinks I am doing all of this out of anger and forcing him to make a decision when in fact I am sick of being strung along.

What do I do in this case? I need this house but I don't want him thinking I don't want this marriage to work but I can't continue in this uncertain path with him.

[Cadet]

Sounds like you need the separation agreement before you use any marital funds.
I believe whether he moves in or not he would be entitled to 1/2 since you are using marital assets.
Consult with your lawyer about this again, IMHO.
Protecting yourself against finacial loss sometimes goes against DB priciples but protecting yourself is more important. DB would normally advise you to put yourself first!

Just quickly read your other thread.
Depression is tough to deal with.
You did not break him and you can not FIX him.
He may need to get divorced or separated before he decides to FIX himself.
Sorry you are having to deal with that but my suggestion is to look deep within your self and see what parts you played, most people that are depressed have spouses that are enablers.
Those are the things that you need to fix within yourself.
Read up on depression, and codependcey.
The MLC board has some good resources for that.

You are getting good advice on your thread.
Keep at it.

[AM2012]

Thanks. I just spoke with the lawyer and he mentioned I can get an agreement that just states no matter what happens the house will be mine. H will obviously be required to sign it.
I feel that this is in the best interest. H is very upset with me that I am getting an agreement but divorce can do crazy things to people and I don't want to be in financial trouble if things don't work out.

[AM2012]

Is asking my h not to move into the new house going against DBing? Currently he lives with us but I find it makes the relationship worse. He says he's trying but won't commit. He rejects everything I do with regards to therapy. Won't attend retrouvaille follow ups which is fine but him saying his trying but not doing a thing is making things difficult.

He agrees that living in the house is doing nothing for us but doesn't know what to do.

[MrBond]

Is he still adamant about getting a D? Go ahead and do the follow ups yourself and to to IC for you. Continue to get strong and not let his moods or feelings affect you.

[AM2012]

He's not Adament about getting a D but he says its inevitable. we can't work he says. He says he's hopeless but is "trying" but he's not trying. He's Just sleeping at the house but nothing more. Him sleeping there is making matters worse.

[AM2012]

Cadet

I realize the role i have played however he doesnt. He blame me for everything. I don't know what to do..
Long story short
6 mths ago WAS
4 mths ago decided he wanted to "try", but still lived away
1 mth ago moved back in out if guilt
1 week ago- went to retrovaille. - he thought it was useless and refuses follow up sessions
right after retroV - it's over he's getting his own place
6 days go- taking it one day at a time according to him
Today - I am putting an offer on a house with my $$ At this minute H will move in. he thinks I am doing ths as a Threat to get him back but in reality I just want to move on.

I still want my marriage to work but him and I agree that him being in the house is doing nothing. His trying = sleeping in the same house as to girls.
I think the only way this could work would be for us to get a separation agreement and h live on his own for a bi to figure out what he really wants.

By me initiating this separation agreement and asking him to get his own place am I going against DBing.
I am trying to GAL, bu finding it hard in the situation I am.

Thoughts. ?

[Cadet]

By me initiating this separation agreement and asking him to get his own place am I going against DBing.

It is not against DB to protect yourself!
YOU are the most important person and if you do not take care of yourself no one else will.

A separation is not a divorce.
And a divorce is not necessarily the end either.

Take care of YOU!