Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 12 of 12 1 2 10 11 12
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
I am a believer that we create our situations.

My Grandfather left my Grandma for his secretary when I was seven. He moved to Florida with the OW and never came back. I saw him once after he left. He sent me $5 when I graduated from high school. Those two times were my only contact.

My Dad left my mom for his secretary when I was 13. Turned out he had been lying for years and having serial affairs. He tried to stay in my life, but I was full of rage for a decade after.

My husband deserted us around December of last year. He is now a phantom.

So, ya think I need to work on abandonment, rejection and betrayal issues? Hmmmmmm...

H told his mom he was going to marry me someday when he was 14 and I was 12. I think i partly married him because he adored me and I thought he would never, ever abandon me. Surprise!!!

Reading a lot of Louisa Hays and doing affirmations. "I am willing to let go of my need to feel rejected in my marriage."

Take care,
Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
hey hi - just reading around here- stumbled on your comment:

Quote:
The MLC person is finally taking control of their lives. To others, it comes across as being selfish and repudiating friends, family and loved ones. To the MLC person this is done to protect themselves and save them


i swear - today i feel like this and i'm the lbs. between mlc & family junk- i feel if i don't do something here to stop the emotional drain of my life * & people in it- i'll just be an empty skin.

maybe this is what my h feels. he's been successful and done anything he's wanted all his life=-. things have been easy for him ($$ wise) maybe not so much with parents & family.

i've loved him without stinting- he has always been the guy mortally in charge of his emotions, etc.- real staunch control of self person. maybe he is "saving himself" - an interesting insight. are you having a mlc - ? or do you think you are?

based on your interpretation - maybe i'm heading there. i surely hope not. i do feel i need to somehow get a grip on relationship issues and take charge better of how othrs treat me & relate to me. i'm DONE HERE. doormat no more.

i am not afraid of being dead - i'm afraid of getting dead. dad died at home slowly of lung cancer. i fear it- no doubt of that.

maybe my h feels he's lost hmself and life is passing himby- i am not willing to be the total blame for everything in the universe wrong with his life & him. i still can't believe such a rigidly in control guy like him has gone down this road. he had success on several fronts (law & tennis) a star at both - he had unqualified love & companionship- what he feels he's missing i cannot guess - except maybe youth & vigor.

i'll read on-

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
hiya-

Quote:
Sometimes I wonder if I am just a masochist, and that a sane person would have walked away, and then I remember what an amazingly nice, kind, and good person my h used to be, how much I learned from him, and how I know he would have stood by me in bad times.


me too. if not for the people here - i don't think i'd be still standing. i wonder why i do also - i remember the wonderful person he was for sooooo many years (30+) it's hard to balance so many great times against several terrible years.

where i land in the end - no one knows. i know now what a few women i know went thru. i never fully understood- hard to imagine all that pain out there every day and stupid ole sitcoms still make fun of divorce & mlc-

geeez- thanks for input- it helps us all- it fortifies us- makes it possible to keep trying.

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,535
hi lois -

Quote:
Reading a lot of Louisa Hays and doing affirmations. "I am willing to let go of my need to feel rejected in my marriage."


i'm not understanding this. do you feel that you want to feel rejected? i read your post about grandfather, father- what the heck is it??? is it that kids mirror their parents? could it be as simple as that - they think it's "what people do".

my h's father & mother both cheated on each other and took off for prettier people with lots and lots of money. in ft.lauderdald, it's allllll about money and beauty.

what the heck he was doing with me for 35 years if he wanted beauty & money i don't know. what he wants now, i do not know -

i was between two sisters - one 1.5 yr older and one 10 months younger- i'd say i don't ever remember being anything to anyone in the family- my parents liked other kids better maybe - BUT IT NEVER MATTERED OR i never noticed because i had this great younger sister who was my constant companion in life- and i didn't need them really. oh well huh?

maybe i picked a "hard" "undemonstrative" unyeilding h because that is my mother. she tells me daily how much like him she is- SCCCAAAAARY. MAYBE i want to be rejected too? hence my interest in your comment.

wtf is up with this???

nero #2317818 01/25/13 09:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
A
AJM Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
Hi Nero. Still watching from time to time.

I think the concept of letting go of the need to feel rejected is part of letting go of all of it. That's a victim mentality and letting go of that is important to all of us. We are not victims, because that idea keeps us stuck. What happened, happened.

As for you, do you feel attracted to people that are "hard", "undemonstrative" etc because of your family history? Maybe. Probably not, but it's something only you can discern.

In some ways we do pick people that seem "normal" to us. Normal to us is what we are accustomed to. We grow up with and see "normal" modeled for us. Part of us growing up is figuring out if "normal" is what we want. It's a strong pull though not always what we want nor need smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Page 12 of 12 1 2 10 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard