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Joined: Sep 2005
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HI All,
My H left in September and moved into an apartment. We have had problems since the beginning of our marriage. We have been together for 18 years and married for 10. We started dating right out of high school and were very much in love. I was everything to him until we got married. We always bickered about unimportant stuff and have had a very unbalanced relationship. I have always been the bread winner and I think that has been hard on him.

We now own a company together with multiple offices. And although we are separated we continue to work together but it's the hardest thing I have had to do. We have 4 year old twins that are hurt and confused and I want to make the hurt go away for them so bad. I love my husband very much despite feeling angry and abandoned. We were each others best friends and I feel like he has betrayed me.

We separated once in 2006 but got back together when I decided I wasn't abandoning my home and returned to the house. We brushed things under the rug and really didn't discuss it. A few months later he sent me text saying how sorry he was and that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. Obviously he forgot that because 6 years later we are right back there and now with two kids.

When I say unbalanced life I have always taken care of everything. The bills, the house, the kids, the business. Everything. I got tired and frustrated and would complain. He got sick of the complaining and would say this is all he could do. We got into a fight in July and he started sleeping on the couch. I asked him to come upstairs a few weeks later but he said no. Then he started staying out more and going to the bar with his friends. One night I had enough and sent him a text saying I am tired of always waiting home for you. The next day he moved out.

At first he was depressed and said he wants us to rekindle what we have and that this is the only way it will happen. He wanted us to date while he were separated so that we can find each other again. Of course I was so angry that it wasn't a good idea so our first date within a week of him leaving was a disaster. I used it to tell him what I thought of him and how angry I was.

We tried couselling but that was a disaster too because it led to a huge fight when he said he felt refreshed to be out of the house. I stormed out and we haven't returned since.

We went away on a trip to a wedding with my family. This was planned long before the separation. He got drunk and wouldn't leave me alone. He looked so in love but then the alcohol wore off the next day and he was back to himself.

I am lost now and hurting. He has been gone for over two months and I am afraid it's too late. I wish I had used the dates to rekindle our relationship because I know we love each other and we have a lot to lose. We have two kids, a business, and 18+ years of history.

I have been doing the 180 and although I feel a little better I am afraid it has pushed him away further. He says he doesn't want to get in my way. When he sees me he calls me honey but I am sure that is habit. I know the 180 says not to date him but I want this to end. He has another month left on his lease and his original plan was to try to move back after the lease was done. I pushed him further away with all the fighting when he left. What do I do now? Do I start to be nicer and ask him out to dinner. Use it as a time for us to reconnect?

And no I don't think he is seeing anyone but anything is possible. Please give me some advise. He has spent the night two nights last week because he had to be here early to take the kids to school. He may do so again tonight. I just don't know how to act. I usually leave the room to give him space and do my own thing.


M12
Kids 2
ILYBINILWY 08/05
Reconciled 05/06
S07/12
Moved back 03/13
Separated Again 06/24/13
Back Again (his choice) 02/14
Leaving again 03/23/14
DIVORCED 02/15
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
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Me-70, D37,S36

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

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