Thank you HP. I appreciate it. I will try to catch up on your sitch.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Hi! I have been following several posts about the retreat referenced in this thread, and would love to ask for positive thoughts/prayers as my husband and I are going January 16th. I know some of you have had positive experiences with it. I am looking forward to it, and praying it will put us on a path toward piecing. Right now my husband is DONE, and is only going to give me closure, so he says. However I absolutely cannot believe he even agreed to go, so that alone gives me hope.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Hey 25, just wanted to let you know how much you, and many of the other vets are appreciated. For me, it is you, Starsky, Bond, LaBug, Sandi and some of the BITS (Denver, 2Step, CountrySong, and JBNatti).
For the vets who stick around helping complete strangers is admirable.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Long time no hear...so glad to read this. i'm ever the cautious one b/c too many reconciliations happen too quickly, if at all. But YOU already know this. It's hard to imagine too much care handling this, so I'd advise you to take it slow, yet I know you are already.
Completely agree with this. The first recon, this was the case. Things are completely different this time around….thus far.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I'm sending you prayers and light and love. Sorry about the GF (for her sake, not yours) and have to say I really believe SOME WAWs need to see their h's in the rms of OW to wake up. Not that she wouldn't have anyway, but it's good for YOU and her to know that you have options.
I know your post to me is from awhile back, however the prayers are always appreciated. I felt really bad about the GF, and it certainly wasn’t a way to awaken my W, even though that is exactly what it did. Uncertain if my W was coming out of her fog or not. I suppose it really doesn’t matter.
Like you said, there is a lot to be said about knowing you have options, and it is empowering.
Thanks again.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
It's been awhile since I last posted an update. Things with my W continue to go relatively well and in a positive direction. It is definitely a work in progress, as it should be. We have learned that it is okay to agree, to disagree. There are topics that we may never see eye to eye on, and it is all good. Choose your battles wisely.
To all of the newbies. I realize how difficult it is and how hopeless things look. I can assure that things will get better, no matter the outcome of your sitch. The beauty of these situations, is that you have choices and it begins with change. That change begins with you.
The below applies to both WASes and LBSes. We all have areas to work on.
“Everywhere you go, there you are” means to me that change must ultimately come from within. I used to think that if I changed my outer world––moved, got a new job, a new relationship (especially!)––something fundamental would change as well.
Mostly, I ended up reading from the same script, but just on a different stage in a different theater. No real fundamental change had occurred just because I changed my outer world. It did not automatically create any significant change in my inner world. Indeed, it was amazing how quickly I would re-establish old patterns, re-energize old habits in my new environment. Essentially I was decorating my new abode with the furniture from my previous one.
Eventually, tired of not creating the change that my conscious mind said I wanted, I spent a lot of time thinking and feeling it through. Before long I had a blinding flash of the obvious: Everywhere I went, there I was. The same old me. In new clothes perhaps, new surroundings, but still me, re-enacting the same behaviors, thinking and acting the same way that had created my circumstances in my old surroundings. People being pretty much the same the world over, others were reacting the same way to me and the same old, same old dynamics were occurring over and over. Everywhere I went, there I was.
The problem wasn’t other people, it was me. If I wanted change, I needed to change (“Become the Change You Seek…”). And even if the existence of the problem wasn’t entirely my “fault,” even if I had not created it, if I was the one who wanted change, then certainly the fastest way to get what I wanted was to accept responsibility for creating it.
If I wanted to create real, lasting, meaningful change in my outer world, I needed to start with my inner world. Once I did that, once I started thinking, acting, and being different, once I started seeing others and myself in a different light, I was amazed how much change seemed to happen automatically. Things that before seemed to take so much effort, frequently appeared to come about on their own.
Yes, different circumstances and surroundings can create the space and opportunity for change by removing many of the old cues and support for behaviors you wish to change. New people in your life, with no expectations of you based upon your past, can create a honeymoon period for you to try out the embryonic changes you are creating. However, these change opportunities can be squandered more quickly than you might realize and are far from self-determining.
Because for better or worse (as always, your choice): Everywhere You Go, There You Are.
Work on you. Work on your happiness. Work on changing your world.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
