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It’s been a little over 3 months since my W and I have agreed to reconcile.

My W moved back to the Bay Area at the end of July and things are going relatively well thus far. We have disagreements, however our communication is much better.

During a disagreement about a week ago she brought up some issues in regards to how I handled certain things during the divorce proceedings. Specifically that I had several mutual friends and church members write declarations to rebut everything that my W and her attorney wrote about me during our custody hearing. She didn’t and doesn’t understand why I did what I did given that statistically, custody is awarded to the mother.

My response was that I am their father and it is my obligation to fight for them. It wasn’t about her and I’d fight for them no matter who or what stood in my way. It was about doing what was right for me as their father. I told her if I lived my life based on statistics, I wouldn’t be standing in front of her at that moment.

There was a lot more to that convo, but that is the gist of it. We hashed it out and moved on. Different perspectives.

This weekend we are attending Retrovaille, which I am really looking forward to.

All in all, I am happy with where we are today and the path we find ourselves on.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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That is awesome LITB! I'm really happy for you.

Sounds like you handled that conversation as well as you could. My W and I have had similar conversations since we decided to R, albeit about different topics. Sometimes, we just agree to disagree. It's WAY more important to me to be happy... rather than right. And it seems that my W has learned that lesson as well.

Take care. I look forward to reading more about your progress.

Denver


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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Oh! I meant to mention another fantastic marriage retreat that I would really recommend. It's called "A weekend to Remember" put on by a group called "family life" (I believe). My W and I did it in March, before we had gotten to R, and it was really, really good. We plan on going again in the near future.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 186
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Little bit I am happy to see that she is back in the bay area with you but as we are all happy for you, just like Denver please keep up your progress reports. I really do feel that it is sort of therapy for us that did not R. Reading what happens when some WAS come to there senses and all of us LBS that have taken a hard look at ourselves during this marathon or ultra as Jbanti says. Anyway keep a PMA and it seems like everything will fall into place. Take care and best of luck

Scott







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Thanks Denver and Scott, I appreciate it.

Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Sounds like you handled that conversation as well as you could. My W and I have had similar conversations since we decided to R, albeit about different topics. Sometimes, we just agree to disagree. It's WAY more important to me to be happy... rather than right. And it seems that my W has learned that lesson as well.

Take care. I look forward to reading more about your progress.


It’s amazing how different we come out of the other end of this hell.

You are right. It’s better to be happy.

I remember right after my W and I reconciled, we were having a convo. While her and I were separated, I became really close friends with one of her cousins and her cousin’s H. Anyhow, my W didn’t appreciate our friendship and she said something about it, but she was indirect. I replied to her, this is what you said, and this is what my interpretation is.

She was trying to say that she didn’t like the fact that I had become close with them without saying it. The point is, she stopped, and realized how unclear she had just communicated to me. That’s the same way she would communicate her displeasure before the bomb. In her mind, she thought that she was clear about her unhappiness.

Now I’m just rambling. lol

Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Oh! I meant to mention another fantastic marriage retreat that I would really recommend. It's called "A weekend to Remember" put on by a group called "family life" (I believe). My W and I did it in March, before we had gotten to R, and it was really, really good. We plan on going again in the near future.


I’ll have to keep that one in mind. Thanks again.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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Hi LITB-

Am so very happy for you and your family. I wish you all the best at Retrovaille.

(((((( )))))

Busting


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Hi LITB, Thank you for sharing your R with us. It is inspiring and it also makes me so happy to see good things happen to such a nice person! smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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How was the M retreat?


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,656
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LITB Offline OP
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Thank you for your kind words NG. I appreciate them.

Denver…..Retrovaille was quite an experience. It helped my W and I learn to communicate in a different way and a different level. Apparently I can express my feelings better on paper than I can verbally. Lol

It was some serious work. We came away from the weekend emotionally exhausted. The platform and methods of dialoging are simple, yet eye opening. We touched on things that aren’t part of our everyday conversations, which helped us learn things about each other that we otherwise wouldn’t have known. Hell, I learned things about myself that I didn’t know.

If you and your W ever entertain the idea of attending, I’d highly recommend it.

There were a total of 19 couples in attendance and 3 presenting couples. The presenting couples shared their experiences, which says a lot about how much they believe in the program. Their situations made my situation look like a walk in the park, so it was quite inspirational.

On Friday night when the program began, I could feel that some couples had little to no hope. At the end of the program on Sunday, you could see and feel the transformation in some of their relationships. It was profound. To be clear, this didn’t happen for every couple. All things considered, it was an overall success for most everyone in attendance.

We have our first post date this Saturday. I’m looking forward to it.

Hopefully you didn’t notice that I told you a lot without telling you anything.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
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LOL! I did NOT notice! I think that was the best description of it that I've read. Sounds like a great experience. I'm really happy to hear that it was useful for you and your W.

Take care LITB. I look forward to your next update!

Denver


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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