just two thirds of a day into working on my goals and i wanted to share what has really helped me stay on track.
Oddly enough, it isn't the goal itself that is keeping me following what I set for myself to do - it's what I wrote in the" I will feel..." sentence that is making me do it.
The "allure" of feeling good if I did it, is very very attractive, and when I start to slide - especially on goal # 3 , the thought of feeling relaxed pulls me back to where i should be.
this morning had a real bad trigger and was shakey and teetering bad for about 2 mins, but the thought of feeling good made me literally stop and put it away entirely. I was amazed at the effect
so make sure you add those second and third parts in - to me they are beginning to look even more important than the stated goal
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
just two thirds of a day into working on my goals and i wanted to share what has really helped me stay on track.
Oddly enough, it isn't the goal itself that is keeping me following what I set for myself to do - it's what I wrote in the" I will feel..." sentence that is making me do it.
The "allure" of feeling good if I did it, is very very attractive, and when I start to slide - especially on goal # 3 , the thought of feeling relaxed pulls me back to where i should be.
this morning had a real bad trigger and was shakey and teetering bad for about 2 mins, but the thought of feeling good made me literally stop and put it away entirely. I was amazed at the effect
so make sure you add those second and third parts in - to me they are beginning to look even more important than the stated goal
zig
Great lesson, thanks for sharing and for being the new goals guru
Meant to post this yesterday - it was from Denver to me on my bootcamp thread and I wanted it here:
About goals
They need to be short term and attainable IMO. Begin small. A wise man once told me... "how do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time" ... LOL... funny the things that stay with us.
There's quite a visual for all of us:
sitting on a blanket, Turtles slowly moving around , each of us with an elephant in our laps, eating, one bite at a time
bring up that pic when you're struggling and see if it doesn't make you just start giggling right away
((((to everyone))))
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
1. I will value myself by taking bette care of myself physically. Signup fee for triathlon goes up at end of month. The next two weeks will help me decide if my back will hold out enough to compete this year.
Action: run 3x weekly (3 miles each), swim 3x weekly (20 laps each), bike 1-2x weekly (11 miles 1x weekly, 30+ miles 1x weekly). Eat healthier (no junk.)
I will feel a sense of accomplishment that I gave it my all before making the decision for the tri. I will know that I am being a good friend to myself.
2. I will meditate daily.
Action: complete 10 - 15 minute guided meditation each morning.
I will feel more calm, centered and able to manage my life.
3. I will go on an overnight trip by myself.
Action: make reservation for overnight stay at lodge known for, and in location known for, meditation and spirituality. I will bring Pema CD's and books. I will write and hike and enjoy art and nature.
I will feel more confident that I can enjoy my life no matter what. I will feel happy that I can travel on my own, like I used to, and have fun.
4. I will be the person I want to be in communications w/ W. (present, full of grace and letting go.)
Action: I will continue to do the forgiveness meditation. I will read a few pages of Pema daily. I will work on listening and validating more.
I will feel happy and confident that I am becoming the person I want to be. I will feel proud that I have handled my sitch with grace.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
so, i had written that also. when i saw it on your list , i thought - hmm, that's too general, for both of us and I'm sure others will have it on their list too
so let's take the bull by the horns and get a discussion going, if possible, about the action of listening and validating better
Vets - what did you learn along the way. others what are you learning?
links and resources that others could read up on?
I've read some stuff on Al Turtle's site. i will say, that in the moment when it is time to listen, it's not always that easy to put in practice.
We "hear" so much through our own emotional lens that too often it distorts what the other person is really saying. What actions can we take to overcome that?
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
1. I will work on my stress relief & physical fitness on regular basis again.
Action: I will run 5 miles 3x per week (short term-goal to get back into it)(used to run 25/week b4 termoil).
2. I will stop saying I Love You/Initiating contact/Worrying about what she is up to. (been good at this for about 5 days now; trying to perfect the Detach/LRT lessons).
Action: Following the advice of Starsky & others, I will only respond to txts/calls that have to relate to kids & have W initiate all contact.
3. I will continue to feel Happy with myself & restore the Confidence I once had on a regular basis.
Action: I will tell myself continually throughout each day that I am a Good Person & pursuade myself each time I start to think negagtive thoughts about my sitch.
Other than this I am really not sure on how to set short-term goals that are truly achieveable! Never have really been good at short-term goal setting, so all help will be greatly appreciated! Others have been helping me per my thread on how to truly detach, focus on myself/kids, 180's, & LRT.
GOALS: 1) I will do my lists of gratitude each day and night. I've slipped a bit and I want to keep that up!
ACTION: Each morning I will list 5 things that I love about my life. Concentrating on people/things I find difficult. Each night I will list 5 things that I am thankful for that happened that day or 5 ways in which I'm happy I lived my life today.
2)I SERIOUSLY want to lose that last 18 pounds! Get back on track with my healthy eating. I have a wedding in a little over a weeks time. No alcohol or junk until then! I will run at least three times a week increasing my distance to 5 miles by the end of next week (don't laugh Grace and Suppo) and do 50 crunches each night. I used to have amazing abs...they're still...under there! LOL
3) When negative thoughts about H slip into my mind (mainly about how he is living his life and relationship choices he's making) I will be mindful and refocus on wishing him the best and accepting that can not make his choices or know what is best for him. Stop my thinking in the bud and drop the rope sending love!
4) career - in the next two weeks I will hopefully have secured a promotion. if not I will have done my best in a presentation and will be happy for whatever the universe has in store for me if it isn't this particular role. ACTION: complete written work to a standard that will get me a pitch in two weeks time. I have a draft and have asked someone in the field outside the company to look over it and give their thoughts.
You can do this! Losing 18lbs is not that hard if you focus, stay controlled about your eating/ETOH, and follow the advice you have been giving me! I was running an avid 25-30 miles per week & fell off the wagon when Hurricane "W" came through...LoL
Since refocusing my energy & thoughts toward kids & myself per your advice, Starsky, & a bunch of others, I was able to get my running Mojo to slowly come back. In last 2 weeks I am back to averaging 15-20 miles, with Planking (phenominal if you try it-W introduced me to it), Multiple other abs, Push-ups, & pull-ups!
My W was not a runner, and b4 this all went South, I motivated her into running a 5k couple times a week. I am a pretty decent trainer if I do say so myself My kids love when I coach them in baseball/softball, & tennis as well...Pretty good at this too...LoL
Seriously though Brit, if U want some one-to-one training tips etc. I would be more than happy to advise & could tailor a short-term training/nutrition plan that would yield some very decent results. I always tell those I have helped to set a conservative goal of ____. Most times they exceed that goal & feel great about it afterwards. 18lbs is hard generally speaking in a week's timeframe, but very easily attainable over a month or so.
P.S. I would never laugh at you Brit! Especially wouldn't laugh at someone who is trying to better themselves physically/mentally, as well as helping me out in the process!
Oops-It looks like I am getting my Self-Confidence, Mojo, & Overall Caring self back
Suppo that would be great! I signed up for a 10 mile in October!
Happy to report weighed in this morning only 14 to lose! I'd put on 5 living in a hotel for the past few weeks and I've already lost 4 just cooking for myself.
I have done my goals these past few days and I added in a few other exercises it felt great!
I am on day three and have been following through on goals one and two..
no real opportunity to practice goal #3, except that instead of contacting W about condo matter (she is on vacation with extended family) i handled something on my own. she had asked me to call her about it so i just forwarded her an email on the matter and explained that i was trying not to bother her with it during her holiday.
as for learning how to validate and listen better w/ W, I think i will practice the skills more with friends so that it becomes more of a habit and i will be more aware w/ W. what do you think zig?
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
