Yes. What do you want? What short term goals can you set right now that may help you get there?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I found this thread that many of us may have come across already, but I am posting it here if anyone wants to go peruse through it. It was started my Michele many years ago, and just reading through the first couple of pages,, gives a good concrete idea of how to go about setting goals.
There's a great post by calystra on pg 1 that is a good example of how to set the goals.
couple of things i pasted here from Michele's replies
"Your goals aren't specific enough. Ask yourself, "What will I be doing when I ______(Fill in the blank with your goals)?" what actions will you be taking? If I were a fly on the wall, what would I see you doing."
"If you're here for the first time, read the books and the articles on this site as well as people's advice and then set your goals. It's said, "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." So get going. Michele"
As a start, I was thinking that we could state our goals in an "I will..." format. This has been used a lot on that thread and I think it works wonders to state it in those terms as it sets us straight on the path of going about it.
So, set the goal (be very specific), state our actions towards reaching that goal and most importantly what Michele says above "What will I be doing when I ______(Fill in the blank with your goals)?"
and let's not forget the follow-up - to report for ourselves whether we achieved our goals or not, why we did or didn't, what worked and what didn't. the more specific we are in this process, the more we will learn about finding the correct solutions towards reaching our bigger goals.
One of the first goals I am planning to list is to commit myself to setting goals and monitoring my progress, no matter what is taking place in my sitch. I see now how I started out, and then veered off-track, because I hadn't consciously make that commitment to myself.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
1. I will commit to setting new goals every 2 weeks and monitoring my progress.
The action I will take towards this goal is to start a personal journal where I jot down everyday what I did towards each goal and if there were any results that I could see.
I will feel focused, consciously committed towards my goal setting and feel a sense of achievement
2. I will do at least 20 mins of yoga and then my meditation every morning before starting my day
The action: set my alarm earlier so I have more time. put on my favorite music (Shivkumar Sharma) so that I look forward to it even more
I will feel more centered and grounded at the start of my day
3. I will practice thought-stopping and focus only on the present, and not get caught up in the details of my sitch
action: when i start to react emotionally, I will recognize it immediately and turn my attention to things that make me feel good. if i can't do that right away, i will do it as soon as i can
I will feel more relaxed and able to focus on the things that are important for me and feel happier and more positive all the time
4. I will give s more quality time when we are together and nurture our relationship to a new level
action: I won't get on the computer to do my own stuff in the evenings when he is home, only after he goes to bed I will encourage playing more games with him which he loves I will get us out for walks together now that the evenings have cooled off I will encourage him to come in the kitchen and cook together We will go on a dinner date once a month, as I promised him last month and we did
I will feel less guilt about being distracted around him. I will feel like I am actively involved in his time at home, instead of passively letting him do is own thing in his bedroom because it is easier for me. I will feel that we are connecting and becoming closer
5. I will continue to see H from a loving place within myself, no matter what the details of our sitch are.
action: learn to understand where he's at better, learn to listen better, be supportive of what he wants even if I don't agree with it, keep working on my inner fears and misguided beliefs and learning to know who i truly am
I will feel more confident about understanding H. I will feel good about myself and stay honest with my own feelings. I will become more and more the woman I wish to be - warm, inviting, confident, serene, funny, relaxed, non-judgemental, tolerant and very very audacious - with a delicious strawberry in my mouth!!!
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I will set my goals later this evening because i am at work now (!) and need time to think.
Love you girl!
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am going to post my goals here too! I think it's great to have a central place to monitor and keep each other on track. And Zig is a great person for that...She did start the picnic afterall!
GOALS: 1) I will do my lists of gratitude each day and night. I've slipped a bit and I want to keep that up!
2) I will run at least three times a week and do crunches on opposite days. I SERIOUSLY want to lose that last 18 pounds!
3) When negative thoughts about H slip into my mind (mainly about how he is living his life and relationship choices he's making) I will be mindful and refocus on wishing him the best and accepting that can not make his choices or know what is best for him.
4) career - in the next two weeks I will hopefully have secured a promotion. if not I will have done my best in a presentation and will be happy for whatever the universe has in store for me if it isn't this particular role.
Hi brit - I think you're right that doing this in a central place will give us a chance to encourage each other and keep things on track.
Great job on stating your goals - you're really clear about them. Next step is to get a lot more specific - and that's where I come in
For each one of your goals, let's take it a step further, and add what specific actions you will take towards achieving each one, and really important - how you will feel when you know you are achieving them.
and add a time line - what you expect to achieve within 1 or 2 weeks, as well as how you are going to monitor your results
on #2 - can you break it down so it's way more specific - how much weight in each week? how you'll do that, how far will you run, how many crunches etc
glad you're here
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
i have been so excited about it this morning and have started setting goals for the next two weeks..
but want to wait till i have time to think more and write it all down here..
AND, spoilers alert...
it includes an overnight retreat that i already booked for next weekend.. an actual solo trip.. to a place with no TVs or activities...and I am EXCITED about it which is a huge step on its own.
love you, zig!!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Zig- I have a few in mind but want to try and think of the actions I will do to support them. Will be posting more later.
Keep it up my sweet friend.
A shot for you!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
