DB Bootcamp - NASCARDaddy, ericsmant2 and various

[NASCARDaddy]

Both college and pros.

[ericmsant2]

Nascar...

Are we gonna stick with this thread?

How are you feeling today?

Eric

[NASCARDaddy]

Yeah, I am gonna stick to this thread. Mostly today I feel confused. Confused as to whether I should stick things out and try and make things work with W or just move on and try and find another relationship. Confused as to whether I believe W when she said that she would take me back after I got myself together or when she said that she will never let me back into her life. I just don't know which way to turn right now and it is making me crazy.

[NASCARDaddy]

I guess I just don't know whether to believe her when she says that it is over and begin looking for someone else or if I should keep trying to find ways to fix things with W and continue to look towards R.

[ericmsant2]

Mostly today I feel confused

Normal dude…your actually probably still in a little shock. Add to that FEAR has a grip on your emotions right now…

Confused as to whether I should stick things out and try and make things work with W or just move on and try and find another relationship.

The choice to stick it out can only be made by YOU. What I will say is that whatever you decide make sure you have no REGRETs. As for another relationship…I think you are crazy to even consider that. It seems like you cannot be ALONE and that you are RUNNING into the arms of someone else – not much different that a lot of the other WAS. Is that what you really want?

Confused as to whether I believe W when she said that she would take me back after I got myself together or when she said that she will never let me back into her life. I just don't know which way to turn right now and it is making me crazy.

Dude, I have to run to a meeting and then pick up my car at the shop so I want to give you a few things to do….

1) Take a step back for a second and POST…what kind of MAN YOU WANT to be. Be as specific as possible.
2) Ask yourself the hard question….what does a committed R look like to YOU.
3) What do YOU want in your life to make you HAPPY.
4) What goal other than you W do you really have. BE VERY SPECIFIC.
5) Outside of sports….what else do you want to do in your life that is fun
6) Finally, what is your W like….write down 10 GOOD qualities she has.

NASCAR….marriages are not fixed in a week or so…nor are the destroyed in a week or so. Give yourself time.

.....In sickness and in X
.....For Better or for X

God Bless,
Eric

[ericmsant2]

I guess I just don't know whether to believe her when she says that it is over and begin looking for someone else or if I should keep trying to find ways to fix things with W

Do you ALWAYS do what YOUR W says?

NASCAR....right now you have an opportunity to stand up for what YOU want in YOUR LIFE. Your W does not decide that YOU DO.

[ericmsant2]

One more thing to consider....

S 14, S 11, S 9, D 7, D 5

Okay....gotta run..

[NASCARDaddy]

Dude, I have to run to a meeting and then pick up my car at the shop so I want to give you a few things to do….

1) Take a step back for a second and POST…what kind of MAN YOU WANT to be. Be as specific as possible.
2) Ask yourself the hard question….what does a committed R look like to YOU.
3) What do YOU want in your life to make you HAPPY.
4) What goal other than you W do you really have. BE VERY SPECIFIC.
5) Outside of sports….what else do you want to do in your life that is fun
6) Finally, what is your W like….write down 10 GOOD qualities she has.

NASCAR….marriages are not fixed in a week or so…nor are the destroyed in a week or so. Give yourself time.

.....In sickness and in X
.....For Better or for X

God Bless,
Eric

1) Honestly I have not given much thought to that. I have been so focused on changing what she says that she doesn't like about me that I have not ever thought what I want for myself. I guess what I want is to have peace in my life and in my soul, to have a career that I can feel proud of and help other people, and to make enough money so that my wife doesn't have to work and can stay home with the kids like she has always wanted. As far as what I want to be like, I want to be kind, wise, compassionate, happy, and hopeful.

2) A committed reconciliation to me is one where we are both happy, I have moved back home, we spend time with each other and we feel love for each other again. My children are happy and feel secure, we spend time doing activities as a family and we have a happy life together.

3) That is an easy one. I want my family intact. That is what would make me happy. However, personally losing another 30 lbs and getting back into school would make me happy on a personal level.

4) I don't really have a lot of things that I like to do for fun. Listen to music, watch movies, cook, and read mostly.

5) She is kind, independent, friendly, strong willed, spiritual, generous, compassionate, patient, hard working, loving, a great mother, and a great friend.

[NASCARDaddy]

Confused as to whether I should stick things out and try and make things work with W or just move on and try and find another relationship.

The choice to stick it out can only be made by YOU. What I will say is that whatever you decide make sure you have no REGRETs. As for another relationship…I think you are crazy to even consider that. It seems like you cannot be ALONE and that you are RUNNING into the arms of someone else – not much different that a lot of the other WAS. Is that what you really want?

It is not so much that I can't be alone; it is more that after fifteen years it feels weird to not have anyone in my life. I have gotten used to having someone that I could talk to or even someone to just be there in the same room with me.

[NASCARDaddy]

I guess I just don't know whether to believe her when she says that it is over and begin looking for someone else or if I should keep trying to find ways to fix things with W

Do you ALWAYS do what YOUR W says?

NASCAR....right now you have an opportunity to stand up for what YOU want in YOUR LIFE. Your W does not decide that YOU DO.

That's the problem, I don't know what I want to do. On any given day I wake up wanting to get back together with her, spending half the day wishing I could just talk to her, and go to bed never wanting to see her again. Honestly I do want her back but some days it just seems like too much work and I am not sure that I am strong enough to do what it takes.