DB Bootcamp - NASCARDaddy, ericsmant2 and various

[sgctxok]

Requesting a Vet/mentor for NASCARDaddy.


NASCAR-
Please briefly post your story and what you would like to work on with a mentor (eg, setting goals, specific DB skills, etc).

[NASCARDaddy]

Briefly my story is this. My wife and I have been married for fifteen years and have five amazing kids. I came from and abusive home and I have had my struggles with anger over the years, and this and a few struggles with pornography over the years eventually pushed my wife to her limit and she filled for divorce. Currently we have been separated for about a month, but because of a change in the divorce laws in the state of Utah the earliest the courts will consider the divorce petition is October 22. A more detailed account of my story can be found here.

I guess that there are three major areas that I want to work on. The first is goal setting. I have one really big, and probably somewhat unrealistic goal, which is to be back together with my wife by the end of September. The reason for this is that my second oldest son turns twelve at the end of September and that is a major milestone in our religion. In our church all men play some role in the priesthood of the church and 12 is when you are first ordained to be a member of the priesthood. I am not really sure what to compare it to in other churches, but I guess it is kind of like first Communion in the Catholic Church or a Bar-Mitzvah for Jewish young men. However, recognizing both the enormity and the possibly unrealistic nature of that goal* I would like help learning how to set more manageable and realistic goals.

The second area I would like to work on is keeping a positive attitude. W is completely closed off from me right now and I have to admit to thinking at least once or twice a day that things would just be easier if I threw my hands up in the air, gave up, and walked away. However that is not what I want, and I would like to have someone work with me to help me to develop the skills to keep going and keep positive.

The last thing that I want to work on, and what has proven to be the hardest for me so far is Do Nothing. The reason this is hard for me is because my basic personality is that of a Builder or a Fixer. When things are broken I want to fix them. I have always been service oriented and driven to help other people and the hardest thing in the world for me to do is to simply do nothing. So I need help learning to do that as well.

[NASCARDaddy]

Keeping a positive attitude and and developing and maintaining positive self esteem has been the biggest problem for me, at least this week. So right now this is a big thing that I would like to have someone help me work on.

[ericmsant2]

Keeping a positive attitude and and developing and maintaining positive self esteem has been the biggest problem for me, at least this week. So right now this is a big thing that I would like to have someone help me work on.

Why don't you have a positive attitude? What is it that you feel?

In terms of self esteem...what don't you like about yourself? Be honest...looks, smarts, sex...what is it dude?

Eric

[NASCARDaddy]

Well as far as what I feel, I pretty much feel sad and afraid. Sad because my relationship with W seems to be steadily deteriorating in no small part thanks to my inability to detach and let go. Fear because I am afraid that I will never get her back and that I will never be able to find someone else. And I am afraid that I will be stuck in this rut that I find myself in for the rest of my life.

Smarts and sex are okay. I was able to pass law school with a C+ average and barely opened a text book the whole time I was there. I'm sure I could have done better if I had tried. Unfortunately the D means that I don't get to go back. Sex is not happening but I believe that sex should only be between husband and wife so with W out of the picture it is not something I am focused on. As a man I do think about it sometimes but not often.

Big problem is looks and ability to make friends. I have never really been happy with my appearance, and the fact that I have put on over 60 lbs since we got married hasn't helped much. Of course over the last few months a healthier diet and steady exercise have helped give some of it back, but I still look back at old photos and wonder if I could ever be that thin again.

I also struggle with meeting new people. I was a pretty geeky kid growing up and my family moved around a lot and so I never really had many friends or learned really how to make them. So I have a hard time getting out and meeting new people.

[ericmsant2]

The problem is that I don't know where to begin. I think that one of the first things I need to change is my self talk.

Honestly dude….where to begin is sitting in front of a mirror with yourself and being honest about YOU. I also think that TRUST is a key component….trusting YOURSELF that is.

On a personal note….the biggest thing was in one way the smallest thing…….I made myself a promise….a promise to be the BEST that I could be. That is how is started dude.

Well as far as what I feel, I pretty much feel sad and afraid

I know these feelings well man. Chit I huge out with FEAR and SADNESS for a LOOOOOONNNNGGG time. So please know that you are not alone buddy.

Sad because my relationship with W seems to be steadily deteriorating in no small part thanks to my inability to detach and let go.

(((hugs))) dude…but look that line up there ^^^^ sounds like it is coming from a defeated man. And Dude YOU and defeated!

I want you to know something…I want you to sit back, crack open a beer and thinking about this……

YOU NASCARDaddy….saw when “it’s over”. That’s right buddy…she can serve you papers, leave the house, move all the way across the country but YOU Nascar and ONLY YOU…say when you are done! Yep – you have that power buddy. I know you may think I’m crazy right – I’m not.

Fear because I am afraid that I will never get her back and that I will never be able to find someone else.

FEAR buddy is a FEELING…. It goes and it comes… Ya know I used to feel the same way..I’ll never find someone, I have three kids, who will want me, I am nothing, blah, blah, blah. F*CK THAT! I did find someone…they love my kids and the best thing that happened NASCAR….was that I learned to FACE FEAR. I learned man, that I only can control me! That something are out of my control and that….THAT IS OKAY and really is a part of life.

“fear I may not get her back”……Hmmmm…you will NOT if you have that attitude. YOU will not UNLESS you can learn about YOU, UNLESS you start to peel back the layers of your soul that are holding you back, UNLESS you learn how to face the fear. Let me give you an example….

YOU FEAR that you will lose her – YET you have not.

YOU FEAR that you will not find anyone else – F*ck dude ya have not even tried yet (not that I am suggesting that).

YOU fear Nascar what you do not control – a lot of us did/do….guess what though…change how you look at things and accept your feelings.

I was able to pass law school with a C+ average and barely opened a text book

Damn dude…you must be smart. My GF was going to go to law school (and trust me….she is smart) but decided instead to go for her MBA. She said law school was too hard. So KUDOS to YOU man!

Big problem is looks and ability to make friends.

All things that are fixable! I was 238 when I heard the BD…I am now…205, after initially going down to 175. So if you do not LIKE your looks what do you want to change?

I also struggle with meeting new people

So did I man….guess what….allow me to introduce myself, My name is Eric XXXX (don’t want the mods to get mad at me), I am a 42 year old Puerto Rican male that lives in CT. I have three wonderful kids and a great gf. I am a kick as* dude and some of the best people in my life I met on these boards. I love to watch basketball, cook and have now become a winery lover. So…nice to meet you Nascar. What else can you tell me about you?

[NASCARDaddy]

Well lets see My name is David. I am a 39 year old transplant from California living in Utah. I have five kids that are the most wonderful part of my life right now. My oldest is starting football this year and playing wide receiver. Obviously from my username I am a big fan of NASCAR. I like cooking, basketball, and football.

[NASCARDaddy]

And yeah, I am afraid of losing control. I feel like everything in my world is spinning out of control and I don't even begin to know where to start to make sense of it.

[NASCARDaddy]

Here are the other threads I have going on right now:

Thread #2
Thread #3

[ericmsant2]

I like cooking, basketball, and football

College basketball or pros?

Here are the other threads I have going on right now:

Can you please try and stick to one thread. It is a little easier.

Let me know which one you want to keep.

Keep posting and let us know what is going on.

Eric