oh good! you got it. was worried about being too obscure!!! GRIN
I think he uses this self righteous I'm in a relationship now and we have to have very very clear boundaries to keep his blinders on so he doesn't have to look at his feelings...I think that's why Cheryl said to flirt and seduce..it's just coaxing him into spending time together. from brit
did want to explore this a tad bit more.
so i'm wondering - is it a good idea to call him babe?
that's what we called each other. that's what he fell back into calling me all night last week, without hesitation - in fact i never heard him say my name once in that weird way he's been doing all these months.
that's what i called him a few days later when he was showing off his gorgeous cooking for the party - and i got a pleased smile.
so i've been sort of waffling around with the idea of just slipping back into calling him babe, casually, and see what happens.
that's audacious!!! heck he just told me what he was planning to do = the last thing he would expect was me showing affection. otoh - i bet the last thing HE expected to do was get together an hour after he announced that
thoughts anyone?
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
My thought is that it would be better as an occasional surprise. A little salt and pepper rather than the main dish. If you go back to it entirely, the novelty will wear off pretty quick and then he might get uncomfortable with it.
The general DB a philosophy is to keep them wanting more, not less. So, give him just a bit...
thanks stubborn - i guess i forgot to say that - it would be just once in a while - catch him off guard. grin!!
besides i couldn't do it all the time - there are lots of times when i don't think or feel like that about him - i could only do it honestly
The general DB a philosophy is to keep them wanting more, not less. So, give him just a bit..
can you explain your thoughts some more on that - like in the face of a lot of resistance , how does one go about that? often i back off because i see him pulling back and fighting so hard. any suggestions?
salt and pepper - i like that!
also like it that you stopped by - so nice to get your input. how are you doing these days? good, i hope?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Sorry I don't have any suggestions. I just know that I have to remind myself that it's more effective to be a bit "hard to get" than "hard to get rid of." Just another way of saying "don't pursue", I think.
I'm plugging along. Too tired to update my thread tonight. Maybe tomorrow...
hope you feel better. i'll keep reminders in mind:) good way of putting git.
sorry you're so tired - hope you feel better
so i did do the little flirt thing on the phone - was in a great mood - couldn't see marigold hotel,because friend couldn't make it that early, so went to see Moonrise Kingdom - it was great to laugh so much - what a sweet sweet movie and i love that sort of tongue in cheek style. came out with a few tears but a big smile in my heart.
called my boys to say goodnight to s, but h picked up the phone. i just said hi babe how are you - and the result was pretty good - very warm voice in response, we chatted and i told him about the movie and how good it was and how it put me in a great happy mood (i could hear slightly mixed feelings in his voice as he tried to be enthusiastic).
asked how their day was and he told me how great s was doing at swimming. then he asked what i was doing tomorrow. good positive- he usually never asks! so i said i hadn't planned anything, and he said that a mutual friend had invited them over just like every year, but he didn't know and left it open, sort of hinting that we could talk about it tomorrow. i just said yeah fine.
so the babe thing did sort of work - usually when i call to say goodnight to s, he immediately says here's s, or gives s the phone.
i was definitely flirting a slight bit, and he didn't seem to respond negatively, but will keep in mind to do it only once in a while.
i'm going to the movies again tomorrow afternoon with same friend so we can see the afternoon show of marigold hotel.
finally got to the point that i can do other things than read r fix it books and be on the board!! well i haven't been that bad - been going out much more recently with friends and that's helped a lot. also having the intern here almost everyday has helped tremendously for me to be at home and not focus on the sitch non-stop.
so a good day today - am getting ready to play on the machines for the rest of the week - to design new patterns for the fall/winter "collection" and that will be a lot of fun for me
oh btw, met a new turtle while hanging out with the others - she's called audacious and she's my twin!!!!
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
DBing is "do what works". Seduction (as recommended by a DB coach) is a matter of giving a little and holding back some.
So if that works, then give him some so he wants more.
In the same token, if calling him babe works. Then keep doing it. If it stops working (like my W told me to stop getting her stuff because it made her uncomfortable) then stop doing it and try something different. If it doesn't seem to matter one way or the other, do it because you want to. Or don't.
i like the way you put it KD - am going to just test it a little bit here, a little bit there. i was sort of wondering whether he would get uncomfortable or outright tell me not to say that - but i could tell he noticed and seemed a bit surprised but then went with it.
so just going to watch and see what works.
oh btw - i went to check out that thread of 2t squared - and couldn't really find what you were talking about - was it in the most recent thread, or further back- or did you think i should read the whole thing?
how are you today? well? i hope so
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
