Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 18 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 186
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 186
What exactly do you need to do with the taillight? Is it just a burned out bulb or is it a replacement of the entire taillight?

I am sure there are enough people on this forum that can walk you through it, plus you get the satisfaction of doing it yourself.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
You are an adult with internet access. Google it. You're a big girl.


Best,
Oldtimer
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
J
jks Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
You are an adult with internet access. Google it. You're a big girl.


Ha! Seriously didn't even think to google it. I don't know why, I google everything else. Thanks, oldtimer... I will be doing it on my own. smile


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
J
jks Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
Accuray, you said that group on FB was still there? I was wondering how one would be able to join such a group?


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
I have not been easy to live with and easy to love. But he did stick by my side for a very long time. So I intend to do the same. I need to remember this. Even though he is making bad choices and they hurt me greatly, I know he has to go through this journey in order to find himself.


Hi jks, it's good to see you back to your positive self. You inspire so many on this board.

I love what you said here above. Again another inspirational and motivational POV that I will subscribe to.

Good luck with tail light. How cool to do it yourself.

:-)


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
J
jks Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
Ok, what a crazy, crazy night. I went to our therapist appt and had no idea what to expect. H and I sat in the waiting room together alone and chatted for bit before we went in.

Wow, were we in for a rude awakening. The therapist asked us if we had anything we wanted to say before he got started and I just mentioned that the reason I wanted to do this is because neither one of us has gone through this before and we both don't want to say or do things that will negatively affect our kids. And I want us to both be able to be honest about what our concerns are and I want to hear what type of guidance he may have for us.

So he starts going over all of these awful statistics about children with D'd parents. I mean, it was A LOT of negative things. From being sexually abused to becoming a juvenile delinquent to committing suicide. It was awful to hear.

After he read off all of these statistics he said, so you want to know the best thing you can do for your kids? You can work on your M. I know the two of you loved each other at one point, enough to have children together, and from my POV the biggest reason couples fall apart like this is because of lack of communication.

My H started nodding his head in agreement. The therapist then said, so we work on the communication and we work on this M. And that's how you make things better for your children.

I was in tears. I felt like my H was just hit with several 2x4's and it was exactly what he needed to hear... I just didn't know if it was too much. He then said, so let's meet again next week... you guys think about it and then we'll decide where we're going to go from there. I started to chuckle. Like it's really going to be that easy for my H to just make up his mind in a week when its taken him 10 months to get to this point.

We then walked out together and my H said, what's on your mind? I said, a lot of things... what's on your mind? This started an hour long conversation where H basically told me that he is really trying to find the best way to end things with OW. He feels emotionally connected to her and has a hard time just cutting it off. (Nice Guy Syndrome) But he knows that he wants to move towards making our M work.

I told him that I just don't understand why if you think that you don't want to be with her and you're trying to end it, but you still continue to sleep with her? He said, it's because at times I still think that maybe it is what I want. I'm not just sleeping with her to sleep with her. I do care for her.

But hearing those things tonight, he said, he needed to hear it. He says he keeps telling himself that HIS kids will never be part of those statistics because he will always be here to protect them but, really, he's already exposing them to so many of the things the Therapist was talking about. And he realizes that now.

He said the other day, his aunt and uncle came over and OW was over at his house and he was kind of ashamed of her. He said, that is just proving to me that I'm not proud of her and what we're doing. Plus, I walk around my parent's house and see all these pictures of you and I together and it just reminds me that you are still a part of me. A huge part of me and I'm not ready to let that go.

He said, one thing I've always been concerned about, though, is that we will never work because I've messed things up between us so much and that you may never really be able to forgive me. I told him, if I didn't think that I could forgive him, I would have been gone a long time ago.

I also told him that the more he continues on with her, though, the more it pushes me towards anger and resentment and wanting to file. I told him that everyone we know is telling me to just end it. What am I doing waiting around for him? And I told him, because I think you're amazing. I stick up for you and tell people that you're a good person. You're making bad decisions right now but you are still a good person. He said, I don't feel like a good person and he started to cry.

I told him, you are. You went through so much with me and you were there for me when I was awful to you and I feel like now it's my turn. I hate that this happened but I will stand by your side because I believe in us. I always have. And our family is so much more important than all of this crap. He agreed.

He said he felt so much better about our situation just from having that talk and knowing that I could really forgive him. He has been really worried about that.

I told him that I did not like myself before, but I like myself now. He said, I can tell. You have this confidence about you. You seem so much more put together. He noticed that I look more in shape too, which he liked. I told him that it was sad that something like this had to happen in order for me to wake up and start living.

Our conversation was light for a little bit and we laughed together and just caught up on things that have been going on with each other. He said, I like this. I told him that I missed him and he said that he missed me too. He honestly could not stop hugging me tonight. It was crazy. He also seemed like he didn't really want to leave. At one point he said, I feel like things are about to get really good.

Before I left, I said, I feel like I just have more questions... he said, ok, what about? I hesitated because I didn't want to ruin the moment of us having a good conversation but my stomach was starting to feel sick again because I still got the feeling that he wasn't absolutely sure this is what he wanted. I told him I didn't want to get my hopes up because he's done this to me before.

He said, I understand. Just know that things are moving in that direction. So as I was driving home he texted me and said that he had just had quite the conversation with OW and she's pretty upset... babysteps. I asked him what he said to her... and he said, that I miss you. And I can't keep doing this to my family. That I can't keep seeing her the way that I am.

I then said, I feel like she's going to hold on for dear life... which scares me. He said, well this was a huge step for me so let's take it a little at a time.

I did not respond. Seriously, if this is going to take another month... he is asking A LOT of me... do you agree? This is absolute madness. I'm trying to understand this from his POV but, my gosh, how long can he string me along for?

Things have definitely progressed in a positive direction and it felt very different with him tonight. He seemed attracted to me. He did tell me at one point that I was very sexy. I don't know... I will continue on with no contact, once again, until he pulls his head out of his butt.

Wow... am I the best W in the world or what?? LOL! Total joke... wink


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
Wow jks, talk about an unexpected evening!

Don't worry yet about whether this will take another month , etc.

While a baby step, it is a big one for your H. Its not time to Push. Get a feel for things, see what his real intentions are before thinking he is stringing you along. Becaue he very well might not be...he had a conversation with her. He took the baby step.

I know you will get much better advice from others but I just wanted to say that.

Am very happy for you jks. Sending you a big big hug!!! ((( )))


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
jks, i'm so happy for you. you've come so far. you haven't come this far to go backwards.

don't focus on him and what he needs to do. keep the focus on what you've learned and how you have more "confidence", you "like" yourself more now, you're "put together", etc.

use what you've learned for this cruical time in your sitch. show more of what you've been practicing...patience.

hold on to your goal. you are amazing!


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
JKS,

Wow! That wasn't what I expected to happen with a family therapist. It sounds like he did mainly MC with you. There's always a risk that if the MC makes the WAS the bad guy during the first session, the WAS just won't come back. We'll have to see what next week brings.

As you point out, H has said these things before. I would honestly try not to make yourself too available to him. You don't want to be that insurance policy on the shelf!

I am glad that you got some quality time with H, and that he made you feel better. That relief is well deserved, but please don't get your hopes up until OW is completely gone and he's agreed to "no contact", because that's really what it takes. "No contact" is so important, even if it requires changing jobs. It requires "extraordinary measures" to end that relationship and H needs to get to a place where he wants to take them.

Happy for you JKS, did the therapist at least give you some guidance for what to do/say/not do/not say with the kids in the meantime?

I haven't forgotten your alt request, I'll figure that out.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,544
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,544
JKS,

What you experienced last night was an extreme case of emotions. PLease be very carefulwith what your H says to you.

I do think your H is very confused at the present time. He is making excuses why he can't come back:
Quote:
He said, one thing I've always been concerned about, though, is that we will never work because I've messed things up between us so much and that you may never really be able to forgive me. I told him, if I didn't think that I could forgive him, I would have been gone a long time ago.

Reality is setting in on him. Imagine what the reality of you filing for D will have on him?



Quote:
I told him that I did not like myself before, but I like myself now. He said, I can tell. You have this confidence about you. You seem so much more put together. He noticed that I look more in shape too, which he liked. I told him that it was sad that something like this had to happen in order for me to wake up and start living.

Isn't it amazing when we feel good about ourselves other people notice it? keep up the good work here.

Quote:
Things have definitely progressed in a positive direction and it felt very different with him tonight. He seemed attracted to me. He did tell me at one point that I was very sexy. I don't know... I will continue on with no contact, once again, until he pulls his head out of his butt.

Agreed.

May I suggest if you go to FC again to keep it about the kids? until he has no contact with OW you really can't begin to work on the new M.

JKS,
do you know what it will take from him for YOU to commit to the R?

Focus on what it will take for the M to work, not on the ramifications of you two being together.
gr8


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Page 15 of 18 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard