"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
H started working yesterday. Tonite and last night he lingered to tell me about work. More like to say, wow H you are so good at what you do, good for you! -Stuff I didn't do before. He eats it up! I am reading Love and Respect. WOW! that's all I gotta say!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Negative thoughts are creeping up again today. I'm losing hope.
What would you tell me? Detach. Use this as an opportunity to detach and lower my expectations. Disappointment only comes with expectations.
I'm sad. Things have been great and I notice he's distancing himself. I should blame it that he just started working on Tues and he is constantly busy BUT my LL is quality time so I'm already not getting my other LL from him, physical touch.
My plan of action- Go to an al anon meeting tonite. There I get hugs and attention from others.
I sound a lot better than I am. I feel like my fuel is low and I'm going up a mountain. I told myself I would DB til Dec, but that's just giving me anxiety. So I changed it.
1 month from today I will reassess our sitch. If it's better, I'll continue DBing. If it's not then I will make plans to exit then.
So there you go. Sept. 16 is a Sun. The day after my brothers wedding. If I don't see progress in MY goals to improve myself and if I don't see progress in my goals to improve my R with H then I'm pulling over. How's that for evaluating my sitch??
THAT ALSO MEANS I MUST DB MY HEART OUT!!!!!!!! for 1 month!!!!!!!!!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Is one month enough time? Just asking, because I don't know.
But I do know that you are really trying hard. I do know that setting that short of a timeline with the expectation to exit if the expectation of things don't improve seems to set you up for disappointment. Not because expectations do that, but becuase the timeline is short.
Drop the expectations because you can't control the outcome. Not to protect yourself per se. There's a difference.
I think your plan is a good one. I also think he may distance himself if he feels he is getting too close to you. It's like a dance. You move one way, he moves. He moves, you move. And so on.
I think he is noticing the changes and it may make him scared. That's a good thing really. It means you are being noticed.
It's a long road though. Don't be the one to walk away too soon.
Good idea to recharge. Do it more often if you can.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
YOUR ABSO-F-LUTELY RIGHT! This is what happened in the beginning of DBing. I wouldn't see any change in 2weeks/1mos and I would fall apart!
I feel myself detaching but not intentionally. For ex. tonite he came over and I was uncomfortable, hoping he would leave. BUT when he left I was sad that he left so soon!!! I'm a MESS!!!
We have had some very Emotionally intimate conversations lately which would explain his distancing. I've made some huge milestones in my behavior lately (things he has always hated about me) and we talked about it.
Makes me wonder...
He brought up us going on an overnight trip soon. He mentioned it a few weeks ago and said it again. I listen. No expectations.
AJM- I'm not much of a caretaker, as you may have noticed, HOW ARE YOU DOING??
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I am not too sure that's what I would label as detaching if you feel that level of emotion. Would you feel that way if it were the mailman that stopped by to chat? Or a neighbor? Perhaps, but still more to go if you ask me.
I think that's normal, by the way Being scared and emotionally all over the place is part of the ride.
Try to keep your expectations to a minimum and just "be" and let things happen vs. worrying about it. I assure you, no matter what you think up, you can't predict accurately 100% of the time. Give yourself permission to just "be".
Me? I'm doing great. Just got back from a great vacation with my son, my ex is getting remarried meaning she will hopefully stop pestering me and intruding in my life (I hope it works out well for her and OM; seriously), the weather is great, work is going well, and I just started back to finish my first of several college degrees. I have a party to go to tonight, the housework is mostly done (enough for now), went for a run this morning (finally made the time), and I'm gearing up for a trip to the beach with my chuch family and son over labor day.
Life is great if not really busy
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hi AJM, Hope you're enjoying your weekend. The weather here in Los Angeles is beautiful. Not too hot, not too humid. perfect weather
Things have been very mellow on my end. I have not stirred the pot with H. AS a matter of fact, that's the last thing I want in my life, drama.
Today H went on a hike with some friends. I seriously don't believe him but I'm just numb about it. I was angry this morning when he said he couldn't call us because he didn't have reception. (this is a BIG trigger for me because he did this before when he was out with OW). I left it at that. He hasn't come back yet but I don't even want to hear about the hike (even if it is true). I feel like everything is B$. However I just don't want to bother thinking more about it.
I've been thinking, I think he doesn't want to come back but he doesn't want to tell me. He's afraid of the consequences. Our current arrangement would drastically change. He really likes the way things are now. I'm not saying I plan on telling him about my thoughts. As I said before, I don't want drama. Discussing our sitch only creates drama.
I'm a sailboat, remember? Letting the wind take me wherever it blows.
I hope your kids and you are well.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I'm feeling the effects of letting go. It's so hard. Now I know why I held on for so long. To accept that I have no control leaves me powerless over him and I so wanted to be able to manage this.
I've come to accept that i can only work on myself and since I started doing that I now find little interest in focusing on our sitch or H. There are moments that I get angry but it washes over me and I feel sad. Just sad because I know I have no control and I need to let go. It's actually a much more serene feeling to let go. It's sad but serene.
How am I doing?
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
