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AJM, HELP! I'm getting really depressed and it's not going away. I'm remembering things and it's hurting all over again. But this time I feel withdrawn and sad (before I would be angry).

Help!

I feel sleepy, short of breath, almost faint, and just plain down. HELP!


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Feb 2012
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Vero, you are thinking too much. Focus on your breathing, and breathe deep. Do that for 5 minutes, maybe even 10 minutes. Focus and think about your breathing only.

Then see yourself in the present, whatever you are doing or you are, and see yourself symbolically taking one step at a time. Putting one foot forward and then the other. Slowly slowly.

Sleep if you want to - sometimes the deep breathing will make you want to sleep too.

It's ok to feel depressed right now. It is a difficult situation you are in and it is ok.

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Sweetie, take it easy. Have you talked to a therapist?

You need to take care of yourself. This is tough stuff, but, you can get through it.

Concentrate on yourself and your children right now. Be sure to eat, rest and exercise when you can. Pray if you are so inclined.

I know it feels like you cannot do this. But, you can. You will get through it.

Take care.

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I think now is a good time to consider a therapist. That kind of panic attack is not a good thing to have to go through alone and therapists can help.

Keep in mind pressure is tough. It has that affect. Also keep in mind that you can and will get through it all.

I don't think what you're feeling is out of the ordinary considering what you are going through. I've been through that as well. So have many on these boards. But get some local help and see if that helps. Don't be afraid to try some different therapists if you aren't getting help from the first one you try.

Let us know.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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I work with a therapist that practices behavior


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
2
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I'm a lot better today. I dedicated time to writing it all out (automatic negative thoughts) and contradicting them. It also helped to reflect on my abandonment issues. I think that's where my depression originates.

I feel sad but not as bad as yesterday. Thankfully I was able to snap out of it.

It also helped that my aunt took me shopping for my bday and bought me a couple dresses. Total boosted my ego cuz I look GOOD!


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Very nice to hear. You took some very positive steps and I hope that you realize you need to keep doing that!

Happy Birthday!!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Hi AJM,
I had another trigger today and my reaction was stronger than the initial reaction. Let me explain.

I saw Hs overnite bag in the trunk. I didn't look through it because I promised myself I wouldn't snoop again. However this time I got a migraine. It started with blurred vision. When I used to snoop I didn't get like this. I would get upset and tell him about it. This time there was nothing to talk about since I didn't snoop, but I reacted worse than before.

So... I looked up PTSD and I think it describes me. The event was so traumatic especially because it was days after D1 was born. I couldn't GAL because she was newborn. I didn't get out of the house for a few mos since I nursed.

I looked up how to treat PTSD and it recommends working with a cognitive behavioral therapist, which I already do. Yet these reactions just started a month ago and I noticed they are getting worse.

I read that I need to talk about what happened. Honestly, I never talk about the day my son or daughter were born. My son almost died the day he was born and H was so emotionally withdrawn I hate even remembering it. Last night I posted on another DBers thread a little about my sitch and it really affected me.

Any ideas? thoughts?


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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From what you're going through and what you're saying, I think cognitive therapy might be helpful. Have you considered anti-d's as well? Just asking, not a doctor...

I overheard a conversation once about the psych ward. The woman worked there and was saying that she felt that if everyone would accept reality vs. what they wanted it to be, there wouldn't be anyone in the ward...

Stress is a real pain, both mentally and physically. Personally, I find that facing my fears and acceptance keep my stress level down better than anything. Exercise helps to relieve the stress as well.

What's the therapist say to you about it?

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
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I had my session today. She said that I need to stop the thoughts (memories of the affair). I need to create messages that I say to myself. At first I won't remember to say the messages til after the thought but as time goes on I'll be able to do it between the thought and just when the thought pops into my head.

She said it's the same with rape victims, war veterans, etc. I experienced a trauma and I'm reliving it but it's more vivid than when it really happened. Scary...but she's right. I react in such a way that I can't function. I can't take care of my kids which is what worries me.

She told me to make a list of people I can call to help me. I should ask them people not to ask questions or bring it up again. I'm having a hard time creating this list because my family will bring it up again. I might have a couple people in mind...(friends).


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
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