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Originally Posted By: sgctxok
oh, you mock me smirk

grin

Now I have to wait for hbsd...

heeeelllllooooo!!!!!?????

lol

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sorry kd.. i was at aa and then put my kids to bed. idk if you read my latest posts. my sitch has went even further south. my wife has filed a protection order against me. on what grounds i have no idea. i havent been served yet. my sitch is looking bad. really bad. so i guess my dining pleasure would be goal setting right now. the rest can wait. i need alot of help in this area. i need to set goals for ME. so i can make it through this insanity. she has effectively cut me out of her life as of now. i have no control over that. i do have control over what i do. right now my head is a mess and i have no idea where to start. any help is much appreciated.

oh, and in my earlier threads i had a "big gun" you didnt mention. you must be being modest. lol


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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hbsd, modesty / humility is a virtue to those of us whose LL is words of affirmation. cool That way we get what we need without having to appear to be asking for it... wink

Yeah, I had a chance to catch up on what's going on for you. You really are getting great support from those I mentioned as well as bug and others so I haven't felt the need to add anything, there.

I can help you with your goals and encourage you to stick with them, but like your aa sponsor, I place the responsibility on you to commit to and achieve your goals.

Sound fair? cool

For you, I commit to once per day to provide feedback and directives. If I can, I will pop by your main thread as well.

So, you are a mess. I totally get that, so focusing on what you might set as goals is likely going to be difficult for you. And too many goals or too lofty a goal may set you back and deter you. So we need to keep this simple and small for right now.

Some key areas to consider where you might set goals:
+ physical
+ intellectual
+ spiritual
+ relationship (caveat on this one, nothing to do with your W)

Of course, none of these goals will have anything to do with your W.

So, lets start with just one of the areas I listed. Which would you choose and what are some items / ideas within that area you would like to work on?

Give it some thought. Please respond by tomorrow, noon.

.....

.....

........

Hey! I said give it some thought... smirk

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sounds fair. i will think..thank you


m:31 W:32
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D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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ok.. i like the small reachable goals. i need to be able to feel like i am progressing. i also like that none of this will have to do with my W. right now, i think that is best. i dont want to think about her right now, as it drives me batshit crazy.

so i was thinking about physical goals. i have been working out and running quite a bit. my goal is to have a six pack again. im 1/3rd of the way there.

i think what i would really like to work on is mind control..lol my mind. positive thinking. consistently. keeping my mind from what ifs or future things.. i need to get my head in check so i can get back in the game, so to speak. maybe detachment is a big part of that. i dont know.

hopefully you can make some sense out of my ramblings. any ideas you have i am willing to try. i will put in the work, dont worry about that. thanks kd.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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smile

OK, refine the two goals a little more.

What exercises will you need to refine your abs to what you want?

I'm guessing you used abs as an example and it is also the rest of you that you'd like to tone more. Or are you happy with the rest?

How is your cardio routine?

I'm probably not where you are, but I can be your virtual / remote work out partner, I go twice a week and do a full routine.

Regarding controlling your thoughts, etc.

Are you working now?

How much time in a day are you working?

Is your mind (focus) busy when you are working?

How much down time do you have in a "normal" day, when you aren't working or at meetings or working out?

What do you do with that time?

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as far as abs go.. i need to do more situps etc.. my workout is pretty good. about every night. workin on toning all around. making progress. i run at least 4 times a week. 1.7 miles. best time is 12:19 right now. would like to get it to around 11 mins. all in all i would like to be in the best shape of my life. i am confident i can achive that. i am putting in the work.

i am working. 8.5 hrs a day when i have the kids. sometimes i am focused on my job. mostly on my sitch. which can be dangerous because i am an electrician and work on live power alot. when i have the kids i dont have much free time. what i do have is spent trying to figure out how to best get thru this. im having a real hard time ith that. i dont have any hobbies or "friends". i am new to town and i have always been happy just being with my family. my W is trying for a 5 year PO right now. got served today. now my free time has to be focused on protecting my kids.

i am having problems keeping my mind calm. i am constantly worrying. i feel like an empty shell most of the time. the only joy i have is seeing my kids smile. then i pretty much cry. not in front of them. i walk away.

hope you can make sense out of this. i do well with blunt questions. the more blunt the better. not very good at riddles.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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That's OK. While being specific means you are clear with your goals, the truth is that you are not, and that's OK. That's part of what needs to happen. By writing out your thoughts, you are painting a picture of who you are and what's important to you.

When you say more situps, give numbers. How many are you doing, now? How many do you think you need to, in order to reach your goal?

For me, I simply do not do any ab work when I am not at the gym, I just have to set time aside to do the things I can, like sit ups and push ups, every second day. We know that there are diminishing results if we work out every day. In the same token, push ups, sit ups, and running are things that are just easy to do as often as possible, if we just put our minds and commitment towards.

What do you think is currently preventing you from being at 11 min? Is it your pace? Your stamina? Your strength? Remember, it could also be your mind, but lets rule out physical, first.

On the focus part, I want to strongly remind you that you DO NOT need to focus on your sitch nor your kid's protection. You DO need to do what needs to be done. You can do nothing more but get yourself electrocuted because you are focusing on the right things, at the wrong time.

Are you just working with household, 110V or are you working with commercial electrical, live? How many amps? Really my friend. When you are working and stressing over your sitch, put into your mind all those graphic pics and vids they showed you about the dangers of electricity... because your kids won't have a dad if you are not focused on your work...

How's that for changing your paradigm. Thinking of sitch while working means kids lose their dad.

Are you a contractor or do you work for a company?

Name me two things that really interest you, that have nothing to do with family nor work.

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abs are a new part of my routine. i thought diet and running would take the beer belly away. while it helped tremendously, i need to put in the hard work. i now am doin them every 3rd day. i did 60 front lifts and 60 side lifts tonight. i do them hangin to focus on the lowest part. i think i need to get up to 100 each a time.

as far as the 11 mins.. i think right now it is a combination of pace and strength. i have been feeling good lately and need to push harder. i believe in 2 weeks i can be there. i need to push myself harder.

i very rarely work on 110.. i do mostly commercial and industrial. voltages and amps vary. i got hit pretty bad in feb. ironically i was working in a hospital. they made me take oxygen and hooked me up to a heart rate monitor. they said i was lucky i didnt have a heart attack. i work for a company wich carries 500,000 life insurance on me and i have a 500,000 dollar policy. that is good because accidents do happen. i need to focus. my kids wont have a dad if i slip up at the wrong time. usually i work on 277-480V anywhere from 400-3000A. plus secondary side of transformers. it is dangerous. i know. like i said, i need focus.

i've been thinking about that "you are already dead" thing for about a week. i think i am starting to get it. my M is dead. way dead. once i totally accept it, then i can do what needs to be done. i have been in denial and havent detached as much as i wanted to believe. im not sure how to do all that, so i am open to suggestions.

2 things that really interest me? he11 i dont know. i loved shooting my bow. that was a sore spot W wife and now i cant possess it due to probation so thats out. i want to learn how to dance. i mean really dance. i was never taught, and have never really danced. W used to try to get me too, but i was embarassed and wouldnt. i really like music. alot. im crappy at guitar these days. i was never great at it. i would like to go back to school for some business stuff as i am eligible to take my contractors test next year. my goal all along was to open my own shop. i have good work skills, need business skills if i am going to succeed.

keep asking me stuff please. i need to "learn how to fish". =)


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Mar 2011
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holy crap, man... re: the electrical. Yeah, do you not have grounding wires and mesh suits? I know sometimes it is a pain to use the safety equip, I was a climber and sometimes it just wasn't feasible to put on the harness... too many close calls... I don't climb any more... but it was the business and I eventually handed it off to the new owner... just prior to my M breakdown.

n-e-how... smile

Yeah, play safe... and glad you have the insurance...

lol, fishing is good. We will refrain from asking you to build your own rod and hook at this time, though... lol

Let's play with your interests in a sec, I think we can set some clear goals for your physical at this time.

I mean, break it down to:

+ you know what you want to achieve
+ pick a date when you hope to achieve it
+ break the growth into smaller steps along the way

So post that here in this thread and we'll review.

Then, we'll get to your interests, because I think that might be worth using as a catalyst to help you control your thoughts. Ultimately, starting with the crutch of distraction...

The "already dead" thing is appropriate and really, don't worry about that. It is true, and it pairs well with being able to focus your thoughts.

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