DB Bootcamp - Jessica M with JackThreeBeans

[Jessica M.]

GabbyMom I read some of sitch yesterday. Very similar to some of mine.

I think I may have gotten my husband to agree to postpone finalizing the divorce till I can get a probono attorney. He still wants to go to the hearing next week though. I think it's mostly for child support and we just need to fill out a form online. We both have the day off already and it's a bit late to postpone a Monday hearing date especially because he works when the courthouse is open.

I got a little emotional last night because we were talking about custody stuff. I can't stand the thought of being away from my daughter for a whole weekend. I'm not opposed to my husband getting our daughter, he's her father of course, but I have always seen her every single day except one day a couple weeks ago and I missed her soooooooooo much.

We've been fairly pleasant with each other. I've made some changes appearance wise, trying to take care of myself better and he seems to like them. He is still very sexually attracted to me.

We won't see each other much the rest of this week because we are working opposite shifts but I may see him when I get home from work if he's still up. He's going out tonight after work so I'm not sure when he will be home. I did get a little upset about that and should have caught myself. He didn't see our daughter at all yesterday because he went straight to his parents house to see his daughter (she's staying with them for the week) and he came home after our daughter was asleep. He was going to stay out there and go straight to work in the morning but he forgot clothes. Well he tells me last night that he may go out for drinks after work tonight and don't know when he'll be home. I unfortunately started guilt tripping him about not seeing our daughter at all for 2 days straight. He said they had lots of time over the weekend. He just doesn't get it. She was asking about him all day yesterday and doesn't understand. She wants to see daddy everyday. Stuff like that is hard for me to hold in because it's affecting her not just me. But I still need to stop.

Advice?

[adinva]

I struggle with that too. My kids are 12 and 14 and my H can go a week or 10 days without seeing, texting, or speaking to them. But, would it be any good for their relationship if you manage to guilt trip him into an obligatory visit instead of the super-fun drinks he wants to go out for?

You cannot control this; it just won't work.

You've got to make it as easy as possible for him to have a relationship with your daughter. Then let him make his own choices.

[Jessica M.]

I agree with you Adinva. It's just so hard because she doesn't understand why she hasn't seen her daddy. Guilt tripping won't get us anywhere though. It won't get us a better relationship and it won't help his relationship with our daughter either.

I appreciate the support, especially from someone who has been there!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Jessica, I think these ladies speak your language better than
I do. I am around however if you have anything specific, ok?

[Jessica M.]

Thank you Jack. You have been incredibly helpful as well and I appreciate all the support you have given.

I'm still trying to figure out my goals and what needs fixing on my side. I'm working a day at a time but I can't tell if I've made any progress. Make sense?

Should I keep a lot of my reactions and our conversations. Figure out why I get set off and when. I need a game plan and a good one. I just don't want to spend all my time discussing my problems, I need to be a woman of action!