actually...i also realize that I am very appreciative to H as well for not being a jerk financially, and grateful that he has found his way back into our kids' hearts. I understand that this is what he can give now.
Do i think things would be different if OW was out of the picture. I think they definitely could have been...at least we could have had a chance to try and see.
But yes, I am appreciative, and I am grateful, and I am with no expectations, expect that I am confident more and more that I will be ok from now on.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I will never like him, I will never have him over, I would walk by if he was hanging off of a cliff...
And with that being said.
I am strangely grateful that someone was there for my wife when I could not be that person.
I know this sounds really really bizzare.
I'm glad it was someone...temporary, and expendable giving her the type of attention she didn't want or need from me.
IF your husband is indeed having an MLC....then an OW is highly likely and the OW is very much a band aid. Until the MLC goes internal? Looks inside? all their fixes will be external this included exteranl validation, whispering that their pain is the fault of someone else. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
this is the third time i have read your post. i get you. if i have truly forgiven him and if i am truly moving forward. i get you. i see what you are saying. and i guess i can say yes to this as well. at least he wasn't alone during his darkest times.
i have been out tonight and the last place i ended up was a good friend of mine's but she is BFF with the OW as well (OW was not there...she is with H out of town). but i couldn't stay. i came home. some of the people there were my dearest friends. some were not. the ones that were not were the ones that have been enabling H for the past two years. i couldn't sit there. even though we are all friendly.
so i see what you are saying, but the reality is going to be hard to deal with . i left. maybe next time i won't. right now these people make me feel anxiety. because they support my H's PA. or they bury their heads in the sand. but they know.
Its the first time you mention that IF he is in MLC. i don know. he seems to have dropped me from his radar that even if he is MLC i wouldn't know anymore. j3b i am just standing still.
IF H is having MLC if he is not. either way i have to deal correct?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm glad it was someone...temporary, and expendable giving her the type of attention she didn't want or need from me.
IF your husband is indeed having an MLC....then an OW is highly likely and the OW is very much a band aid. Until the MLC goes internal? Looks inside? all their fixes will be external this included exteranl validation, whispering that their pain is the fault of someone else. : )
I have been thinking about this bit more. yes, i can see how i could be grateful if is it a temporary, expendable fix to help him through.
I understand that if he is indeed MLC that I all be the focus of his pain for quite awhile.
I guess we will know more in the future when this can all be viewed in hindsight.
thank you j3b for keeping me thinking :-)
((((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Today i finally asked H about Winter break holiday plans. I asked him from a financial point of view. Made it clear i was speaking for me and the kids..i did not want him to think i was overtly or covertly trying to get him to join us, commit or even consider that I was hoping he might join us. No pressure, no expectations, He knows where we will be and if he wants to join I am sure he does not need an invite from me.
Do you think thats ok? Or should I have said something like 'i don't know what you are thinking of doing, but of course join us if you want' ??
Sometimes i feel i pull away too much out of fear of rejection and therefore stop showing any sign of keeping the road home smooth and paved....
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi j3b, i just wanted to say hello. i hope you had a good weekend.
have a great Monday...
busting ((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I made a decision the other day because of my kids. The decision positively affected my H and actually resulted in me having to compromise my own plans. But because i was focused on how it would affect my kids, not him, not me, it felt so right.
He thanked me and when he did i realized i was thinking that i hadn't done it for him. i don't need/expect his thank you.
other than that...its been ok. had a bit of a tough time yesterday emotionally--it was Hs 40 bday and he is in Dubai with OW celebrating. It was a bit hard but i got through it i suppose.
Have been doing a lot of reading on MLC and continue to work on my detachment.
thats about all for now.
I hope you are well :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
