DB Bootcamp - sweetbaby red with AJM

[sweetbabyred]

AJ, I haven't heard that saying before, but it's a good one.

I have a problem being impatient and wanting things to happen on my time table. Sitting back and letting things take their course just isn't natural to me, so I'm trying to 180 that right now.

I think I'll feel a little less stressed in three weeks when the house is gone and I will have already decided whether or not I'm moving out of my apt in Sept (have to give notice in 11 days).

[AJM]

When it comes to feeling less stressed, it's a matter of mind over matter. Mind less and it'll matter less right?

And there's no time like the present to be less stressed. There's always something that will distract you and allow you to say, "tomorrow I'll feel less stressed."

AJ

[sweetbabyred]

AJ,

Your advice is spot on. I'm always thinking that life will be easier in the future because of some difference in my sitch, but no matter what, it never gets easier.

I am feeling a little less stressed because I'm taking the steps I need to get things done.

I've met with 4 painting companies to get estimates to make the HOA happy when the house sells, and will soon decide which one to go with. I just have a kitchen table and some wall art in the house, so no packing for me.

H will have my SS10 beginning on Monday, so I hope that I'll get to see him soon. When he's around, I definitely spend time in the present and enjoy spending time with him.

It's been a while since I've watched Spongebob and it's hard to be depressed when I'm laughing at cartoon characters.

[AJM]

Keep up the positive steps!! Live in the present as much as you can with as much effort as you can muster!

Spongebob, eh?

AJ

[sweetbabyred]

Yes, my SS still loves Spongebob and I admit that I think it's pretty funny now too. He's growing up fast, so I'm happy to indulge him in any kid's activities.

The last two days I've been able to work with some great people, so that took my mind off my sitch for a few hours and it's been easier to stay positive.

I've also sat down to budget and I then I can stay in my current apartment if I'm extremely frugal. With so many other changes, I don't really want to move right now.

In a year or so, I may decide to move to another area, but I'm happy with where I am right now and don't want to give that up just because I might be divorced soon.

[AJM]

You're amazing, Sweet. You have a very clear head and you've seen some ways to get a break from it all.

Keep up the positive attitude and don't let the good times get by you without enjoying those kinds of moments. Monetary things won't be as long lasting as the moments you described...

AJ

[sweetbabyred]

Amazing? Thanks, but I don't know if I'd go that far.

I definitely haven't felt that way the last few days. Just another 10 days or so until the house is sold and that pressure is gone.

I did get to see my SS yesterday and I'll be taking care of him tonight until H gets back in town tomorrow night. So I'm going to enjoy that time with him and not think about the future.

I'm going to write down some more of what happened yesterday on my thread.

I just need to remember to stay detached and take it one day at a time.

[AJM]

I think it's amazing. You are doing very well. Keep it up!

AJ

[sweetbabyred]

I enjoyed my time with my SS, but it definitely wasn't long enough. I hope that I'll get to see him more over the next few weeks, but I don't know what the future brings. H knows that I'm not busy working this week, so I'm just going to lie low and see if he offers for me to see him.

SS's birthday is August 4th, and I did tell H to let me know if he made plans so that I could be sure not to schedule work if it's something I'm invited to. They may go back to H's hometown that weekend, but H said he didn't know yet. I'm not sure if that meant he doesn't know if he's going or he doesn't know if he's going to invite me. I decided not to ask and just take it one day at a time.

Next Saturday is the big move for the guys and I guess I'll spend Sunday making sure everything is finished at the house before the closing on Monday (I hope!).

I think that having the house sell has finally made the separation real to me. I've been out of the house for exactly a year now, but only lived a mile down the road, so I could be there when needed and was there quite a bit (invited, of course) when SS or MIL were staying there.

And I have spent quite a few nights there over the past year, so at times I could almost pretend that everything was back to normal.

Now we're not going to have anything to tie us together, except car insurance and a cell phone plan. But maybe this will finally make it real to H as well.

H always knew that I was just down the street too, so I think he could play the life of a single man, but then call on me when he was lonely or missed me. It's not going to be so easy for him anymore. Maybe this will make it easier for him to decide what he really wants in life. I'm not going to hold out hope that he'll choose me.

Next Monday will probably be tough on me, so I think I may try to schedule the massage that I purchased on sale a few months ago for Tuesday morning. That'll give me something to look forward to. Or maybe I'll see if one or two of my friends will come to my apt and drink some wine with me that evening.

I sure don't feel amazing. I'm just trying to take it hour by hour right now. I just hope I can keep it together at the closing and not start crying in front of everyone.

[AJM]

Crying doesn't keep you from being amazing, SBR. It really doesn't. It happens because you care.

I think you're doing a great job and keeping things real. It's not easy to do and takes time and effort. You seem to be putting both into it and I applaud that.
Peace!
AJ