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Originally Posted By: needgrace

is that addiction or what?


Well, it's definitely grief. I find the same thing as Brit. After (any) contact, I feel the loss much more. I find myself having to manage the "after contact" feelings.

You've been doing this long enough, well enough, that you have enough perspective to step back and analyze what's going on. And learn from it. All good. Just painful.


Me - 54
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I do the same thing, ng.

Just don't do anything to prolong the contact.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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I have noticed in these past few days since I have seen H that I almost feel 'high' after having a good/ positive contact.

It sounds harsh but I have been reminding myself of the email stating he wants to be with OW to bring me down to reality.


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Thank you, all. I feel better again. Time and distance is healing.

SD, you have much more contact and hence much more pain. I admire your strength.

Bug, I find myself doing the opposite, I have been making every effort to avoid prolonging contact.

Bustingout, that is a really good strategy to avoid having expectations based on positive contacts. I am so proud of you for how you are dealing with your trip, amazing.

I head out to see family today for the next week. I am so excited and feel truly blessed to spend this time with them. This experience has really deepened my relationships with them. When one door closes, others really do open...


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Quote:
This experience has really deepened my relationships with them.


It's wonderful to find positives about the sitch that also have nothing to do with the sitch.

Have a great week!

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Have a great time NG. I will be thinking of you. Enjoy every moment for what it is. Let your mind be free for awhile.

((( )))


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
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Back home!

I had 9 days with family and friends who are like family.

I realized a few things:

That I am more confident and stronger... I did not allow myself to get emotionally caught up in family drama.

I spent a day helping my niece get ready for her wedding day and we had the most incredible time.. my family unfortunately has a great deal of disconnected relationships and she had it tough growing up. i wish i could have been closer both geographically and emotionally then. we spent hours talking about family and she brought up the unconditional love she always felt from me... i felt so honored to be the one to share the pre wedding moments with her. it was magical...

and i realized that i was glad my W was not there, that this moment would not have happened the same if she had been on the trip.

in her list of my faults after the BD, my W said that she felt like she had to take care of me on my trips to see family bc she felt that I was anxious about the family drama.

she was partially right and partially wrong. i did feel more confident this time but i also realized that she misinterpreted...that I just wanted to vent at times or wanted her perspective and she felt like i needed her to fix or take care of me..

i also went out partying one night and had a great time dancing and bar hopping. i had my palm read and first she told me to be more adventurous and to flirt more. smile then, she told me that my W and I would get back together... but you know what, I found myself focusing more on the first part than the second... that is growth, I believe.

and i am glad to be back here, i missed you all!!


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Welcome back NG I have missed you and wondering how you are!!! And I see you are doing GREAT!!! I was very happy to read your post.

Welcome back again and in look forward to catching up :-)


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Apr 2012
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Glad to see you're back and that you had a lovely trip! It sounds like you had a really positive experience!

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Welcome back! I'm glad you had a good time. It's very encouraging to be able to notice changes to old patterns. Yeah!


Me - 54
P - 59
Together 5 yrs
She left 4/2012
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