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My pleasure JKS, you deserve happiness as well. You really have been holding up remarkably well, I honestly admire your strength. I truly hope H comes around sooner rather than later.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 27
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jks, i'm a little late to this thread, but my feelings mirror yours so closely. my H isn't and hasn't had a PA, but our mindsets are so similar. (i bawled my eyes out when i read about you watching We Bought A Zoo. I just watched that for the second time last week and felt exactly the same way).

i'm pulling for you.


M:39 H:39
S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids)
M10, T13
Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary.
Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
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jks, it's Sunday. Are you alone? Are you doing okay?


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Originally Posted By: reachingHigher
jks, it's Sunday. Are you alone? Are you doing okay?


Doing good, reachinghigher. How are you?

Yes, I am alone. I had plans to go to an Art's Festival with my SIL but she cancelled last minute because she felt like it was too hot outside. Kinda bummed because it would have been nice to get out but I've also been fine staying home.

H came to pick up the kids this afternoon and it was pretty much the same as always. I actually felt very pretty and I didn't think H looked that great... awful to say huh. Its just that when he shaves his face completely there's something about it that turns me off. I've always been attracted to scruff/facial hair.

It sounds so silly but when he started the police dept that was one of the first things that had to go. I was really bummed about it. He always had it, even in High School so it was a really weird adjustment and I've never really liked him without it. (Kind of petty, I know.) So within the last year, his job has been more lax on him having to shave because he works in a different dept.

This has bugged me so much because its like now that he's NOT with me, he gets to look amazing again for OW. Perfect. But, obviously, today was a different story. Helps me remember, once again, he's not perfect and there were things that turned me off about him. Every little bit helps, I guess. LOL!

I'm trying to remember that throughout this M I have not made things easy for H. I have not been easy to live with and easy to love. But he did stick by my side for a very long time. So I intend to do the same. I need to remember this. Even though he is making bad choices and they hurt me greatly, I know he has to go through this journey in order to find himself. I cannot give up just because its hard for me right now. (Although, I want to A LOT, sometimes.)

I can do hard things.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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jks, I like you are back to your good attitude.

I posted about my sitch today (spinning my wheels). I'll probably start a new thread soon. I'm thinking of calling it, "in it for the long haul" or something along those lines.

You made me laugh about the facial hair thing. I don't think it's petty AT ALL!
I also love the scruffy & super short beard look!

I LOVE that you felt very pretty today. That is so fun for a woman! Combine feeling very pretty with a great attitude and a smile and you get POWERFUL!

I also agree with the commitment to our H's. I am ashamed often when I think of the shabby way I've treated him or rude things I've said in the past. It honestly never crossed my mind he would leave me!

I guess that's something good that will come out of this pain. We will never look at M the same way again, I guess is a way to put it.

Keep up the good work. I see the comments sometimes you put on other people's threads and they are always thought-provoking & encouraging! smile


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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You inspire me jks, I was away for the weekend with S11 and D7, W stayed home with D13. From the moment I got in the door tonight I felt like she was barely tolerating me and that's so hard to take. Its rough to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. I also sometimes feel like giving up and your words were just what I needed tonight. Thanks for that!

(I have a short beard, glad to hear that's a popular option!)

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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Originally Posted By: Accuray
You inspire me jks, I was away for the weekend with S11 and D7, W stayed home with D13. From the moment I got in the door tonight I felt like she was barely tolerating me and that's so hard to take. Its rough to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. I also sometimes feel like giving up and your words were just what I needed tonight. Thanks for that!

(I have a short beard, glad to hear that's a popular option!)

Accuray


Wow, Accuray. That means a lot coming from you. So sorry to hear about your sitch.

I think I remember your beard from your picture? Right? It was a long time ago that I saw it. smile But, yes, it definitely is a good thing on men from my POV.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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Question: So H ordered me a tail light for my car because mine was broken. My mom's H didn't have time to install it on my car before he left for his trip. My car's registration expired in May and I have to have the new tail light on in order to pass inspection to get registered.

My question is... should I ask H to do it for me? I know nothing about cars and I need to get my car registered soon. My mom and her H won't be back for two more weeks.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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Posts: 659
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I would. Men like to help at that kind of stuff.

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jks,

I would look for others to help you out. I wouldn't give your H the satisfaction of helping you.


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
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