1) Just a few sentence background 2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)
1. H basically declared he was unhappy in late 2009 early 2010.( A 'friendly' R with current OW was already in place). By June 2010 he said he felt he was too far gone Sept 2010 H' s father passes away, H moves out immediately - lived with OW before finding his own place. We plodded on, I begged, pursued, etc. H continued to deny anything but friends with OW but whole time in EA.
April 2012 he says he is done. Two weeks later in PA with OW.
H basically living in another town for work. OW with him
2. Need help with solutions, detaching, being friendly but distant. Am basically in NC now except for brief contact re: kids, and other matters ( house, finances).
Thank you for this!!!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Ok--so everyone who wants to pair up with an oldtimer post:
1) Just a few sentence background 2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)
My WAH filed for divorce on 6/13 and moved out 6/14. We have a 2 year old daughter. We are in contact most days because of her. He thinks this is the best thing for us and that we are too different. No affairs.
I need help setting goals and brainstorming solutions.
Me:29; W:37 T: 6 M: 4 D: 2; SD: 14; SS: 17 H filed D: 6/13/12; H moved out: 6/14/12 H moved back in: 6/28/12 Confirmed EA: 8/12
Ok--so everyone who wants to pair up with an oldtimer post:
1) Just a few sentence background 2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)
I get this and support it. My only query or concern is when the LBSer does not know what they need.
OR thinks they do know but the "oldtimer" (um, can we get another term here???)
thinks not.
Like when we see a super co-dependent person who wants to know "the secret" to getting their WAS back but is not realizing THEY have to get their own lives back...first...
but that's not what they want to hear. OR the LBSer who has taken a lot of bad treatment, and still is--
or who has a major anger problem and still does, and just vents & vents,and stays stuck.
What then? Can we team up or alternate partners?
I'm just spitballing here so don't misunderstand. I think it's a good idea. Just tossing out others.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Veroprado: I'm sorry you find yourself here. Detaching is to help you be objective. i.e.
how would you suggest somebody else handle the situation if you were on the outside? I'm doing LRT but being very sloppy about it...
Are there things you need to change about you? I am a COMPLETELY different person since this happened. I'm WAAAAY more relaxed! Now's a good time to focus on you rather than him.
YES!!! I agree! I'm done reading up on relationships and ready to read trashy novels!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Not sure mine can be salvaged, but i can try anyhow
Got married in Jan 2010 (i think my H married me just to get a visa, but i'm not sure). got pregnant immediately, H acted as a WAH while i was pregnant and started an affair 6 months into our marriage. i found out in nov 2011 and moved out immediately. Not seen or spoken to H since, tho we've exchanged emails about DD, and he has sent me a few half-hearted emails saying we need to talk.
He provided financial support for DD for 3 out of the 7 months we've been separated. He has seen DD twice in 7 months (last time in February). Heard he chases girls and acts single. Not heard from him for a month now...
Me 33, H 34 T 15 (on and off, 7 years this stretch) M 4 DD 3 OW July 2010, IDLY - Oct 2010
1st sep 28/5/11-14/8/11 (my idea) OW confirmed 25/11/11 (H travelled with OW 26/11/11) I moved out 3/12/11
Ok--so everyone who wants to pair up with an oldtimer post:
1) Just a few sentence background 2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)
I get this and support it. My only query or concern is when the LBSer does not know what they need.
I have to echo 25 on this.
I do think there's a few solutions to this dillema, although there needs to be a commitment and accord to both the newbie and the vet, surrounding brain storming and openness to possible paths.
DBing I think is a combination of science and arcane magic. And people are prone to create many reasons. Resistance is futile, yet many, newbies and vets alike, find themselves stuck in resistance for "X" reason.
This really is a great idea and it would be nice to see this develop further.
