DB Bootcamp - Vets and Newbies

[bustingout]

Me too please!

[sgctxok]

Ok--so everyone who wants to pair up with an oldtimer post:


1) Just a few sentence background
2) what you think you need most help with (staying on track, brainstorming solutions, setting goals, etc)

[heartbrokeinsd]

my wife left physically 2 months ago. i have done all the wrong things, with a little bit of good mixed in. i have 2 kids. she is having multiple EA's. acting single, etc. says there is no chance. she hasnt filed yet, so i believe there is.

i need help with staying on track and goal setting. brainstorming solutions is good. i guess i need help all around. lol

[sweetbabyred]

I've been separated for just over a year now. My H had to deal with his son moving away because his stepdad joined the army, had his work contract end, and limited contact with me while I was in India for 5 weeks.

According to the MC that we saw, he was so upset at losing me, that he decided it would be easier to let me go on his own terms than ever have to deal with the possibility in the future. In the last year we've also had depression and a possible MLC to deal with.

I definitely need help setting short term goals and being held responsible for DBing the proper way. I have a tendency to think that my M is different and I can do things my own way. I need to stay on track and follow the program.

[2chiquitos]

I'm trying to LRT. I did really good on my 180s where H is convinced I've changed but he's still confused about returning.

I need help detaching with love. HELP!!! I am a great learner!!

[AJM]

HeartBrokeinsd: Sorry to hear that. I suggest you think long and hard about the person that your W would want to come back to. For example, would she want to come back to somebody who is begging, pleading, reasoning, etc? Think about why she wanted to leave? Think about you... Is there something you want to change about you? Do you want her back for you and her, or just for the kids? Once you answer those things, think about how you want to be treated. How you want to be perceived. How she sees you.
Red: I saw your other post. I'm sorry to hear about this going on, but I suggest you make yourself open to him. His issues seem to be around availability of others, so maybe that's the place to start? Don't pursue him or date others though and be patient
Veroprado: I'm sorry you find yourself here. Detaching is to help you be objective. i.e. how would you suggest somebody else handle the situation if you were on the outside? Are there things you need to change about you? Now's a good time to focus on you rather than him.

Peace,

AJ

[heartbrokeinsd]

ajm-

thanks for the reply. i know why she wanted to leave from my viewpoint. i believe she was sick of my drinking, i wasnt emotionally there for her, and i took her for granted. she definitely isnt coming back right now. not with the pleading, reasoning, etc. i want to get back to be the confident MAN that she fell in love with. get rid of my insecurities and be fun again.

i want her back for me and her first and foremost. she is the woman i love. the woman of my dreams. i am very lucky to have had her in my life. i want that back. secondly, i want to be a family again. my kids deserve that.

just thought i should mention, im pretty dense. blunt honesty works the best with me.

[unbidden]

My H asked out a few months ago but says he still loves me. Think he is in MLC. I've been doing pretty well at detaching until I hear from him and then his inconstancy scares me into losing my cool and I become pleading etc. Need help with that.

[peringo]

Hi- my wife is latina and a walk away... her complaints were that I wasn't there for her emotionally and physically ... I agree, I was working a great many hours and neglecting my wife unintentionally. So she found what she was missing in another man and is pursuing a life with him... so my 180's/realizations/changes are hard to show or be noticed in casual passing exchanging our son.

I need help with a plan.

[sweetbabyred]

ajm--

Thanks for the advice. It's good to know that I'm possibly on the right path. I'm definitely not going to be dating anyone anytime soon. I'm doing pretty well at not inviting him to anything or trying to pursue, I think.

When he does call and want to talk or spend time with me, I'm there for him, but I do wonder if that's the right thing to do. If I were less available, maybe he would be forced to choose whether he wants me in his life instead of just having me around when he decides to. This is the part that is really confusing me.