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Joined: Feb 2001
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sgctxok Offline OP
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So, if there were a DB Bootcamp, or if we sorta started one here....

How would you design it?


My thought would be to pair someone who had great skills or a needed skill with the person who needed to learn the db skill.

So for me it would like this:



Betty's husband is distant, told her he loves her but isn't in love with her, they have a newborn, he's willing to stay...sorta...but not do much. She needs help from a woman who has been through this successfully or a H who has turned this around. She needs someone to show her how to attract her husband back AND get him to help her. Because if she lays down the law, he's going to rebel, or become passive. Maybe. Or maybe another scenario of help could be imagined.



But the person wanting the help should really be specific about what they want from the helper.



Maybe someone knows what they need to do, they've set their goals, but they need someone who knows DB skills to challenge them and keep them on track and keep them accountable.




Those are my thoughts -- maybe someone else has another idea.




Anyway, post your desire for help or what you can offer as help.


Or YOUR ideas of help.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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I'd like help!


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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i think that's a brilliant idea!

sort of like big brothers and sisters?

thanks !!


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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The journal on what works is really a great idea. I'm going to start that. I totally dropped the rope with my H all week and he actually called today and said that he'd felt a shift. He also called me "sweetie" when he said goodbye. Gonna put that in my journal smile

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Sorry, wrong thread.

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Sg

I get it. I think we reach some folks where they are because we have been there.

Others not so much...

I think if I reach someone it is becuase it is from what I myself have experienced.

I naturally tend to advise the husbands but not always. I see folks who stuggle with detaching and I get that part. I struggled.

I see husbands who struggle with self esteem. I get how painful it is to be hurt by your spouse and what that does to the male psyche. I struggled with that.

I think universal is the idea that when you get here you are a victim of someone's bad behavior or choices.

One of the things that is so powerful about the community here is applying DB principlas to lift yourself out of that role. Take responsibility for your own happiness and not leave it in the hands of a WAS.

To stop being the victim.

Whether you were good or bad in your M it is for you to say and for you to change.

If you let your spouse be the excuse for not doing better then you are done.

If you let your spouse decide what you want, you are done.

So how do we pick teams?


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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sgctxok Offline OP
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True-

I became a better DBer--helped my own relationships when I started giving advice, because I realized I wasn't following my own advice, which was an echo of what Michele had told me.


Picking teams---

Do what you want--post it here. It might be easier if the newbie makes a request.....but any pair up is good.

IN FACT--it would be good if 2 oldtimer paired up to keep each other accountable about their own relationship. However, I found once I started giving advice, I stopped asking for it...and tried to pay attention on my own. I'm not sure that's a great idea. WE ALL NEED HELP ALL THE TIME. Whether we seek it or not....we are all still growing, or should be.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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Seems like a very interesting idea. I'm very intrigued. Everything is so confusing. My WAH filing the divorce papers instead of just being separated first puts us in a major disadvantage and I have fairly regular contact with him because of our daughter.


Me:29; W:37
T: 6
M: 4
D: 2; SD: 14; SS: 17
H filed D: 6/13/12; H moved out: 6/14/12
H moved back in: 6/28/12
Confirmed EA: 8/12
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I like this idea... hoping there enough successful oldtimers still coming to the boards...

Perhaps a series of background questions to form better match-ups...


Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!
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i love this! like a sponsor. lord knows i need help. i really appreciate it when the vets say things to get me thinking and keep me honest about my shortcomings.

let me know what i need to do to get paired up!


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

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