Nope, you're not crazy. Im beginning to think this is an epidemic or something. I don't know how they get this script in their heads but they sure do!
My Xh and I did have problems, which were the problems that every couple has when you have work, kids, financial troubles and are two ships passing in the night. XH is also a big conflict avoider which did nothing but create more conflict when he got to his boiling point. I really can't believe the change in him over the last several years.
I just don't get it. I get how couples get to the point of feeling the way they do, but what I dont get is why they don't want to work on the relationship and just want to throw it away.
AJM~ It svcks doesn't even begin to cover it! Wow two years!! I can't imagine.... almost 8 months feels like forever! Oh no worries, I have no intentions on having any R talks with him! I learned that not having those is waaay better! I'm getting my joy back slowly, and these last couple of months the anxiety has gone away, I just get super irritated sometimes still, but that will happen. He actually had a normal conversation with me this morning about putting the air conditioners in.... and then he felt the need to tell me about paying off the credit card (he said card, not cards, but there were 2) and he told me he borrowed money against his retirement (stupid for taxes, guess I'll be filing separate next year....) So strange he's talking to me like a person again....I also noticed he bought himself another gun.... ahhh the thrill of the replay purchase. lol
wishing, hoping~ It's funny how crazy people think they are perfectly ok! lol Agreed, they need to have reality smack them in the face.... hard..... and soon would be nice.... but hey, it happening at all would be good, I'm not greedy. I'm not sure what he's like in front of the people in his life, like family and co-workers.... probably the grand faker, no need to be real with them... he can't fake it with me. He won't talk to anyone from my family, or friends he was friends with too.... so deep down he knows what he is doing is wrong, why else would he run when my dad pulls into the driveway and doesn't even get out of the vehicle.... and oh the joys of being so super hot, and funny and a great friend..... but not being wanted in "that" way anymore..... again... they are having a break from reality! For sure, because nothing else explains it. Sometimes I look at other people and am like, really, they are married? She's a total B.... or he's a jerk..... you know, extreme and real reasons to actually leave a marriage, not everything's great, but I don't feel an emotional connection so bye bye.....
Kimmerz~ I stand by my statement of they are all having a break from reality.... everyone I have talked to in Normalville says, yeah, why would you want to leave that? They have it made... what do they think is going to be better? My only response is exactly, that's what I want to know. Crazy just doesn't make sense.....I'll check out the Blake thing sometime soon, thanks for the info. Yeah, thrill of the other woman, that's funny.... do they not think about what's going to happen when that thrill inevitably wears off? It's an epidemic indeed..... strange it's like that but no one really hears about it, or talks about it until their world is turned upside down by it.....
1702~ Well not a year until October, but what's a few months at this point. I'm not taking the jealousy thing the wrong way..... most of the time I am glad he is here, but sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if he wasn't and then I tell myself I shouldn't think things like that because I'm sure there are plenty of people who would like their MLCer to still be at home despite the craziness. But who knows, maybe I'm wrong, it could be fabulous with them out of the house.... I guess we all deal with the cards we are dealt.
I know this is hard, and it will be hard and hurt for a long time, I'm not going to lie, but there will be moments and days of happiness and joy through this. You really do need to listen to the people on here, they are good people and really know what they are talking about. Some stuff might seem a little crazy, but it does work.... back in October before I even new anything about midlife crisis I did all the wrong things and that made everything so much worse. Once I figured out the right things (don't be pulling out the wedding album, or forcing them to remember such and such a time cause I can guarantee you won't like the response you get, trust me been there done that, lesson learned). You really do need to back off of her. I was reading your posts and I know you are hurting, I know how much pain there is in all this, hell I even understand the family and wanting children thing. I've always wanted to be a mother, and before bomb drop we were trying to start a family, but I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) and it can mess with fertility, and well it's messed with mine. We had been at the beginning of all the super,fun, expensive, painful (for me) testing and 2 weeks before my next appointment enter speech (which was only a few weeks after he didn't get a job he had his heart set on, and told me he didn't know what he would do if he didn't get it). So trust me when I say I understand the pain of coming to terms with the having children thing.... but you can't think about that right now. The time may come when you have to mourn that, but you don't have to do that right now. I know that is going to be something extremely painful for me to mourn, and I'm not ready for it, so I'm not going to think about it, I'm going to continue to go about my life doing what I want, being nice to H and letting him work through his crazy. Yeah there will be days I'm a crying mess, but that's the beauty of venting here, and with friends, it gives you the ability to pick yourself back up and go to your happy place, or at the very least fake it till you make it around your W.
Now, legally speaking, you said W made you leave... is the house in both your names? If it is she can't make you leave.... marital property. As for the divorce papers, she can't make you sign, and if you don't want to, then don't. I know if H showed up with papers I would be like that's nice, have fun being married for 2 more years, because I wouldn't sign them. I believe in our marriage, and I took my vows seriously, I don't want a divorce and I'm not going to be bullied into something I don't want to do. Like you I want to be able to say to myself I did everything I could do to save our marriage so I can sleep at night. I realize he may take up permanent residence in Crazytown, but at least I will know I did everything I could. 1702 I know this is a lot of information, but I hope this helps. I think you need to start by taking a deep cleansing breath.... and remember as bad as it is, it could always be worse.....
In the case of my H he avoids his family, wants nothing to do with friends, doesn't even enjoy the same activities anymore unless OW is in the picture. I just dont get it. H even touches me every morning before he leaves for work. I don't know why but be does it like clockwork. My DB coach says it is because he is still emotionally connected to me but doesn't want to admit it. My counselor says he is running and that nothing eases emotional pain like a new relationship. He said it is better than cocaine or heroin. Scary stuff. Kind of depressing to know what we are dealing with is that addicting.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, hoping~ I don't buy the no emotional connection thing either, mainly because it makes no sense, I think it's what they need to tell themselves to make it ok in their heads to runaway. My counselor thinks my H has depression and feels like a failure I agree with him. During BD he told me he didn't know if he even enjoyed his favorite activities anymore, but it seems that he does, that's really all he's been doing is shooting.... that and going to the gym and watching a LOT of tv. There are the occasional times I have no idea where he is or what he might be doing, but luckily they are rare, unless of course he's skipping out of work. Having been depressed myself, I see how one doesn't really realize that is what is going on while in the middle of it, but if he would just entertain the idea of getting help, it's amazing how much better one can feel.
Kaffe Diem~ Nope, I looked it's no where in the vows..... of course under "for worse" there isn't an outline of what that could possibly be either.....
Alright, it's off to work for me Happy Friday all!!!
[/b]wishing, hoping: [b]Ok wow...now my XH said the same thing upon BD and departure. " nothing makes me happy anymore. Gaming doesn't even make my happy anymore. The only thing I do like is being with the kids. I have to go find my happy". Then of course I was blamed for all his unhappiness in scathing emails after he left. History was revised and issues that happened 15 years ago were as if they had happened yesterday with him. Totally bizarre. Now within 2 weeks of getting his own apartment he then acted as if he was higher than a kite....it was like a manic phase. He obsessively text everyone, including me. Lost alot of weigh and started drinking and taking sleeping pills. He started having nightmares, even text me after a bad dream once. He appeared very miserable for almost 2 months, up until OW stepped into the picture. Then stepped in the infatuated high and trying to be profusely nice to me. I've read that depression in males can manifest as anger, resentment, feeling entitled, and acting arrogant for starters.
[/b] Kaffe:[b] No.... I don't remember getting that memorandum. Just how are we supposed to feel about our spouses anyway? Im getting the idea that in their minds that if things have become routine, and the spark has died down, that it's more trouble to make an effort to re-ignite it. Hmmmmm....interesting logic. Lost the spark, feeling dull, so lets move out, disrupt our childrens lives, devastate our spouses, spend huge amounts of money on moving and having fun...oh and lets hire an attorney! Lets battle it out with our spouses, and re-ignite all the anger and resentment instead! Sparks are definately flying now, but they sure aren't out of love and passion.
OR....be honest, get some books, find a good marriage counselor, and take some time to be together.
My aunt feels that the happy my XH seemed to have after leaving is a sense of empowerment. Maybe this is what goes on with the WAS's when they turn around and start being nice and doing all these things after they leave or start in with OP in the same house. A sense of empowerment.
[/b]wishing, hoping: [b]He appeared very miserable for almost 2 months, up until OW stepped into the picture. Then stepped in the infatuated high and trying to be profusely nice to me. I've read that depression in males can manifest as anger, resentment, feeling entitled, and acting arrogant for starters.
Then H is definitely depressed. He is angry, resentful, entitled AND arrogant. And when he is with OW he is on a "high". Just like a junkie who has had their latest "fix". He is pushing this OW on my kids (which I am trying to put a stop to) and on some members of his family (which they are not happy about). He says he is just trying to "move on with his life" but at the expense of everyone else. Often I think maybe he does love her. Maybe they are perfect for each other. But then I think how can they know that when they only see each other on the weekends?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I don't buy the no emotional connection thing either, mainly because it makes no sense, I think it's what they need to tell themselves to make it ok in their heads to runaway. My counselor thinks my H has depression and feels like a failure I agree with him. During BD he told me he didn't know if he even enjoyed his favorite activities anymore, but it seems that he does, that's really all he's been doing is shooting.... that and going to the gym and watching a LOT of tv. There are the occasional times I have no idea where he is or what he might be doing, but luckily they are rare, unless of course he's skipping out of work. Having been depressed myself, I see how one doesn't really realize that is what is going on while in the middle of it, but if he would just entertain the idea of getting help, it's amazing how much better one can feel.
My counselor says H is running away as well. H tells everyone that he is fine. He doesn't need help. But whenever he is around us at home if he isn't busy talking to OW or mowing the yard he is playing "Cityville" or some other game on the company iPad. Escaping. That's what he does best anymore.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm not sure what he's like in front of the people in his life, like family and co-workers.... probably the grand faker, no need to be real with them... he can't fake it with me. He won't talk to anyone from my family, or friends he was friends with too.... so deep down he knows what he is doing is wrong, why else would he run when my dad pulls into the driveway and doesn't even get out of the vehicle.... and oh the joys of being so super hot, and funny and a great friend..... but not being wanted in "that" way anymore..... again... they are having a break from reality! For sure, because nothing else explains it. Sometimes I look at other people and am like, really, they are married? She's a total B.... or he's a jerk..... you know, extreme and real reasons to actually leave a marriage, not everything's great, but I don't feel an emotional connection so bye bye..... 
