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#2254674 - 06/16/12 03:48 AM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
Fightfire00 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/26/12
Posts: 83
Loc: Alabama
don't give up... you have hope... BELIEVE that you will over come and fix this and you will... positive thoughts result in positive actions... keep at it... I believe in you... we all have the same struggles... you are not alone... have faith, be good and stay safe...
_________________________
M:40 W:31
S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship)
Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me
MO: 6/1/12
T:14
M:9

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#2254683 - 06/16/12 04:47 AM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Fightfire00]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
Thanks I needed that!
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

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#2254743 - 06/16/12 02:33 PM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
This morning I had just returned from my 15 mile bike ride and was washing down my bike when my W drove by (she only lives 5 houses down) and she stopped. I went over and gave her a hug. We chatted for about 15 min. It was a good conversation she was telling me about her trip to Vegas and then she mentioned that she was going over to her friends house for a big barbaque they were doing on sunday. It kind of hit me that Sunday was Fathers day and I guess I had hoped she would want to spend time with us:-( On Mothers day I went down to her house and made a big dinner for her and her boys. I know I should not do things and expect something be done in return but it still stings.
It was a bit the same on her boys birthdays we went all out and I spent about $500 and she bought him a new computer on the 16 year old and I spent $200 and she spent prob $500 on the 10 year old but then when it was my daughters birthday 2 weeks ago. She spent maybe $25 on hair ribbions.
I should not be making these comparisons and I am sure I am trying to over compensate and when I look at it trying to buy love.
Oh well live and learn...
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

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#2254825 - 06/16/12 09:35 PM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
Advice anyone?
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

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#2254827 - 06/16/12 09:50 PM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
peringo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/12
Posts: 149
Loc: MN USA
Don't be a disneyland dad... be the stress free dad.... the fun dad
_________________________
Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!

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#2254841 - 06/16/12 11:27 PM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: peringo]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
I agree. I wanted them to feel special but I am learning that my time is worth a little more.
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

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#2254845 - 06/17/12 12:12 AM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
Fightfire00 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/26/12
Posts: 83
Loc: Alabama
I have found that my W has been trying to buy my kids happiness by getting them things all the time... this won't last... I instead only occasionally get them a treat as we used to do when all living under the same roof... I find at times because my MIL gives W money all the time, that I'm also working against their wallets and has become very discouraging at times... it's all about QUALITY, not quantity... you concentrate on making memories with the kids... not giving them gifts that will be forgotten in a year or two...
_________________________
M:40 W:31
S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship)
Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me
MO: 6/1/12
T:14
M:9

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#2254852 - 06/17/12 01:02 AM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Fightfire00]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
My W invited us down to go swimming this afternoon so we headed down and hung out with them for about 1 1/2 hours. It was fun and I tried to keep it light. Tried to let her do most of the talking. She mentioned that I was looking thinner and was giving me glimpses of her tan lines and flipping water on me with her hair:-) Kind of wonderful and painful at the same time. She gets my heart a pumping and then I have to go to my house:-( Was a nice time and we were able to spend some time with her laughing. She is off again for a girls night dinner at her friends house. She just got back from vegas with the same three yesterday so she is really making up for lost time. The other three women are married so I guess that is good. She can listen to them complain about thier husbands and think maybe she did not have it so bad:-)
Back to.....
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

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#2254908 - 06/17/12 05:41 AM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: Tinman]
strongerthanever Offline
Member

Registered: 05/26/12
Posts: 207
I'm wondering if you are so available that she isn't able to miss you? She seems to be throwing just enough crumbs your way to keep you excited. I think she takes you for granted. I also feel as if she is your source of happiness. Don't do that to yourself. I'm also betting that you looked attractive after your bide ride (party of gal), which is why she stopped.

W internal dialogue "he looks happy without me, let's see if I still have that pull". And then you reinforced that self talk.

I fall prey to the same "let down" of having to return to reality after seeing h. To overcome this, I have started planning something to do afterwards. That way I have something to look forward to, And nothing he does can take that away. Even if it's something as simple as taking my d2/3 for a cheap ice cream, it's still something.

I'm sry if I seemed harsh, I just don't see her waking up with you so active in the picture.
_________________________
Me-31 H-24
D3,D2
M 4 yrs
WAW(me) 12/2011
role reversal 03/2012
(H)PA 3-6/2012
(H)D filed 6/2012
D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012
I've moved on 9/2012


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#2254941 - 06/17/12 12:45 PM Re: My story, my progress, my hope [Re: strongerthanever]
Tinman Offline
Member

Registered: 06/07/12
Posts: 181
Hi jamiegarcia333,

You did not come across as harsh and I am grateful for comments. I look forward to getting comments from this forum almost as much as I do from my W. Thanks for the input. She has been my source of happiness. It is starting to get easier to put thoughts of her aside and get out and gal. In the last month I have stopped making any comments about the status of the M, I have stopped sending small gifts, notes or texts. I try and have it so if there is any communication between us she is the one that has to initiate it. I guess I am maybe still a little too available and eager to please. Kind of hard to know where to draw the line and it makes it even more difficult having her and my kids running back and forth between homes.
I do feel like when we do get together, maybe 2 or 3 times a week things are good. We laugh and chat and just kind of enjoy ourselves.
I think one of the biggest things I can do for myself is get myself back in shape so that I look good and have more confidence. She said something yesterday about my looking thinner so good to hear:-) again thanks for the feedback.
_________________________
M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13

Top
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