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This is really thought provoking. Maybe it's also the realisation that we did not marry perfect people but natural rally flawed human beings.
I know I put my H on a pedestal, and when he didn't live up to my expectations I went at him for it. MY expectations. I did not give him a chance to be human. I expected too much without giving in return.
Gosh- there is a lot to think about. So many layers to unpeel.
Maybe because we didn't ackowledge their flaws we were the ones to drop the first bomb on them?
TPS Me: 43 H: 41 M13 T16 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' (email) 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors began in 2010) July '14 H says he ended his affair
Busting, I did drop the first bomb. I was the one to say it wasn't working. When I look back the biggest thing should have been different is to not expect it to be perfect. We never worked on it, we didn't make us a priority. We just drifted until we weren't connected. We both had insecurities and fears and but we never talked about them.
Later much much later we talked about a big incident that hurt me really badly and he said I think in a way you were already waiting on that to happen because of things that happened with S's dad. And he was right. No he wasn't emotionally available but if I hadn't gone into that sitch with that fear/expectation then what might have happened.
I said that I always feared he would be unhappy with us and just hang out in the garage and that's what ended up happening. How much even subconciously are our fears of the OM/OW/GF/BF becoming a major part of their lives contributing to that? Or us not reconciling contributing to that not happening?
PS in odd ball family behavior of the day, I logged onto FB and his sister added me to her family list on FB as SIL. but she did this yesterday. Is that weird? I'm friendly with her. Sadly more towards the end than the beginning because I think the age gap is smaller maturity wise once you're in your 30s than when you're in your 20s.
^^^ I don't know. I really don't! A part of me thought should I approve it. Because I had to click approve this family member request. I am very very very much looking forward to my pamper day tomorrow I haven't had that in ages.
Just checking in before I head out for more BRA (Brit Related Activities!) I like the sound of that better than GAL.
Also today I seriously got checked out on the train by a very attractive man. Like I think, if people still did this sort of thing, a stranger would have asked me for my number. It was weird. I did return the smile once.
I've had a great day and only thought of H a few times...but I imagine that's part of life.I've been thinking a lot more about "my fears becoming realities" because of maybe unconciously influencing things that way....Now, I'm trying to only think of positive things, positive outcomes etc.
It sounds very superficial but going to the salon today made me feel one step closer to the woman he'd be a fool to leave.