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((( )))

Me too. I could not listen to the radio for months. I would listen to Buddhist/mindfulness/meditation CDs in my car...

I am still careful what music I listen to and what movies I watch but my range is increasing..

sometimes a cry is healthy, releases the hurt and cleanses us... i hope that it is that for you...


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Do you remember how "We Bought A Zoo" ended?

Matt Damon takes his kids to where he first met his wife and is excited to tell them about it.

What I got from the movie was he was holding on to the pain and not moving forward. The memories will always be there, especially if you have children together.

It was through acceptance and moving forward he was able to find happiness.

This isn't unlike any of our situations. We can choose to hold on to the memories and the pain, or we can accept our new lives and move forward and be happy.


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
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jks Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Brit45
And there I was ugly cry with snot on my chin LOL


I laughed out loud reading this... I feel for ya, girl! That was so me, except I was at home and able to leave the room.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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LostIn407, yes, I got that. And you're very right. I'm just very much still at a point where I can't let go. But still very much trying to move forward.

It's crazy to think that I've been separated from H for almost a year now. I am definitely different but my heart still belongs to H. That is something I cannot deny.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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Actually, the more I think about, I'm thinking that I'm probably having all this sadness and missing H just because I'm really not around him very much. I think things would be totally different if he were in my life more. As the saying goes... "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I just need to remember that... because when I was with H all the time, there were definitely times of not feeling an attraction to him. As perfect as I make him out to be in my head, he really wasn't. Just thinking aloud here.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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well that's exactly what I was saying yesterday I think about him and ruminate etc etc and then he shows up and I'm like "really?"

Remember that scene with the lion that they needed to put down? I think there was symbolism in that about letting go. It's funny because me and S joke about that sometimes. How we thought it was going to be happy and funny.

(I even burst into tears when he was so frustrated at the hardware store and the lady behind the counter said I used to go there...you're doing a good thing. And I thought that's all you need sometimes one person to say you're doing good...That movie...therapy right there!)

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Jks, sorry to hear the movie made you so sad. I saw the trailer a while ago but now am glad I didn't see it.

I've stopped listening to music in the car now. I just want to think my own thoughts--not somebody else's.

About missing our H's so much.....I was thinking how amazing and incredible my H was and how I'll never find anyone like him again. Ever.

Then...I started thinking how he was before we dated. (we worked together). I really didn't find him amazing and incredible before we started dating. Just a nice guy. He became this wonderful person as our love grew through the years.

When H came by the house last night I tried to look at him through different eyes. He just looked like a normal, average guy. He's just really special to me.

So...does that mean a lot of our missing them is the whole package? Or is that what love for another person really is?


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Originally Posted By: reachingHigher

So...does that mean a lot of our missing them is the whole package? Or is that what love for another person really is?


I think that's what love for another person really is. Not every person has to be amazing looking and ridiculously charismatic, but when you dig deeper and find those little things that just make someone extremely special and find yourself drawn to those things, it's hard to see them any other way but to love them. That's why detaching seems impossible (at least, to me, sometimes) because there is no one in the world like them.

It's not easy to find love. I mean true love. I will always be grateful to H for allowing me to know how it feels to be truly in love. That is a gift I will take from our R.

I know it's not impossible to find love again and I'm constantly on the fence whether I should start to put my focus towards dating. It's hard to look towards the future and feel like I could be in this limbo stage for a LONG time. However, the thing that keeps drawing me back to sticking it through is knowing that it feels right. I love myself more. I want this girl that I am now to be with the man that I fell in love with 10 years ago.

I want the opportunity to go through our mess and clean it up, so to speak. I hate the feeling of knowing that our R is broken and it may never go through the healing process it deserves.

But, no expectations, right? I swear I could wait a whole another six months and H will probably not say a word to me about our R. He's just REALLY, REALLY good at avoiding. So at this rate, it could go on forever.

He's too nice to file the papers for D but then he's too nice to tell OW that it's over and he can't see her anymore. And he's too nice to split up our family.

Oh well... at least I know what I want. I feel bad that he's so conflicted inside. Just sukks that he put himself in this position.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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"I love myself more. I want this girl that I am now to be with the man that I fell in love with 10 years ago. I want the opportunity to go through our mess and clean it up, so to speak."

I love what you said here. (I don't know how to do that quote thingy.)

It tells of major growth in you from this painful experience.

And I enjoy reading what you write about love. True love. It calls me to higher ground in my sitch. To look at my H and allow him to grow too. To hope and pray for flowers in my garden as I prepare the soil and plant the seeds of love for us.

"He's too nice to file the papers for D ... And he's too nice to split up our family."

My H is like that too. I think he would gladly D now. Follow his own path. And more likely than not, be sorry later and want to come back. I feel like it would be too much for the rest of us to go through, so I'm willing to stay in "this limbo stage for a LONG time".

Jks, everything you write resonates with me. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I really admire you being so young and holding up so well and holding on to dreams and hopes.

I hope you have a good day today!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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This discussion sparked something in me. My H is very like what you describe, what's commonly known as "nice". There's even the Mr Nice Guy book. As I've said before ask 100 people to describe my H and they would say, "He's a really nice guy."

True enough, but I don't think it's being nice.

It's avoidant. And it's controlling in its own way. He avoided conflict for years until he just couldn't take it and BAM-he's done. Yes, there were little signs along the way but, I was giving off little signs too. When you're maintaining a household, raising 2 kids, taking care of a dying mother, each working, building a house, who notices little signs?

I have to be really honest with myself about that because just as my issues contributed to the marriage breakup, his did, too. Has he worked on his issues? Does he want to be a true partner? Who knows at this point but I need to keep my eyes wide open.

He's a great person, and I do love him but if we R, I don't want to live each day thinking, "He seems happy, but I wonder what he might be keeping from me."

Another rollercoaster, I'm sure.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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