Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Quick journaling -

H came down for lunch while I was cooking my lunch. Again with comments about how good it smelled.

Then he said, "Um, I was really upset last night when you left for the gym without me because I'd asked you for one minute to finish getting ready and the reason I needed a minute was because I was cleaning up the stove after you'd made dinner." [Yeah, the timing did not work out on my part - I should have waited until he left to leave but I wanted to go and he wasn't ready.] I said "I did not know how long it was actually going to take you. I also did not know that you were cleaning the stove, nor did I ask you to." He said "I know." I said "I'm sorry you feel that way. " (now realizing I was defending the above).

Then he asked if I had a L yet (again with this).
me "Does it matter?"
He said yes, you have to sign the papers to get the divorce started and then there's the cooling off period.
I said "What papers"
He said "The actual divorce papers so that it can get started."
I said "I already have them. They brought them here last weekend while you were upstairs with (friend.)"
He had kind of a deer in the headlights look and said "What? I did not know that."
I said, "Yeah, they came to the door and brought them while you were upstairs with her."
He said, "I'm sorry, I did not ask them to do that, I'm sorry it wasn't at a more convenient time."
I said "Well, it's over now." and left it at that.

I find it so, so hard to believe factually that he didn't know (and great that his L didn't tell him the 90 days was already running) but the look on his face suggested otherwise.

Whatever.

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
Sheesh Vera, I have anxiety just reading that. I am continually amazed that you haven't "pulled off your earrings" drawn a line down the kitchen and told him that people don't go to the gym together who have just been served D papers. When you're single you do things ALONE, so get used to it. That you don't need him to tell how a freakin divorce works and that he shouldn't pressure you if he doesn't want this to get nasty. But hey you aren't "old Brit"

I LITERALLY have heart palpitations.

Looking at it through my WAW eyes, I remember when I would I talk to h about moving out, and splitting up finances and D and he would act squirmish and once he said I just feel like you're trying to get rid of me. I felt like I had to bring this stuff up because he wasn't. I felt like he was living in a bubble (god how the tables really were) and didn't understand what was happening or thought if he ignored it we could just keep going. I felt like I had started GAL and accepted the sitch but he hadn't which is why I felt like I had to say these things

I don't know if this is what your H is thinking. But I do think his head is in that sand. And he's going to have a very rude awakening when he finally sees sunlight!

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Oh Brit, take a deep breath, you'll be okay wink

Looking at this situation objectively I have to say it was probably some kind of step for him to address the feeling he had and put it in an "I" statement. I could tell when I left without him last night (mind you we did not have PLANS to go together. I was trying to get ready and leave before him) that he was annoyed because after he asked me to wait I said something like, we'll I'm just going to head out, and then paused, and then said "Do you need me to wait" and he kind of snapped back "No." Maybe part of me was trying to leave without him as a statement to him but at any rate I did not want to actually go there with him. So I could tell he was irritated then.

At the gym, he walked past me a few times on his way to/from machines and acknowledged me (offered a towel at one point) but I left without alerting him.

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
haha sorry if I made it about me. you are very very strong. You handled it very well!

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
you didn't, I was just teasing smile

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Ps now that I've finished eating lunch . . . I love that the reason he felt like he was delayed was because he was cleaning up "my" mess.

I'm pretty sure he was cleaning for at least an hour in the kitchen. Again - he cleaned occasionally (more of that more recently, pre bomb) but in the past when I asked him to help it was like I asked a 2 year old who was like "I don't wanna" but then would end up doing it and pouting the whole time. Or I'd get "Yeah, I'll do it later" and we'd have words over our different expectations about when these things would be done. Then it got to the point where I would just do it all the time and he'd be like "I was going to do it" and I'd respond "well I already did it so it's done."

So anyway, there's some sick humor in this somewhere.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
^^Oh and then he said "maybe we could go in together on some fajitas together sometime."

"Yeah, maybe."

*facepalm*

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
I'm telling you old school duct tape down the middle of the kitchen your stuff on one side and his on the other. LOL

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
you mean like "dutch"? omg. i just don't get him. WTH? i thought my h was confusing (and he is) but i almost think yours has him beat...slightly. what do they want?

anyone? bueller? (from the movie)


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
J
jks Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
Seriously. What in the world is going through his mind? You are handling yourself very well.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard