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Hmmm, moving too fast, I think. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it, but the custody case isn't even over yet, is it? There are problems and issues that aren't going to be addressed by looking for a house to live in together. What about her boys saying that they didn't want to move back together?

Lots of things unspoken here.


Me:49 WAW H:59
T:19.5 M:19
S:13
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Yes, slow down.

What has changed? With you? With her? The problems didn't suddenly disappear.

I'm happy that she's willing to give it a chance, but at least give it a fighting chance.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Hasn't she done this a couple of times?


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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Yes i know and i did feel like that the first few days. She explained to me that she has spoken to her boys and they are both good with the situation. The older one i was most worried about even asked me to come down and work on his mini bike with him. The hesitation on there part was that when we lived together before i had all these rules and was hard on them. So yes i am sure they would still prefer it be just them and there mom but W went on to say that they would be ok with it. She also said that the oldest told her that he really did not care but he wanted her to make up her mind.

Yes custody case is still pending. We apoke about that and i am going to keep her as far away from that as possible. My W has spent some time with my oldest and they both appear to be in a much better place. They even spent last night making dinner together.

So i guess in short it feels like everything is coming together all at the same time. My W has tended not to talk to her family about our seperation and the fact that she opened up to her father and told him we were working things out so we could be a family again spoke volumes to me.

I have never stopped loving my W and to have her responding the way she is lets me know she is serious about being a family again.


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
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Why don't you give it 6 months before you jump into other life-stressors like buying a house, moving, re-blending families? Maybe the kids need a break from the roller-coaster.

You and W can have the fun of dating and clandestine sex.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Tinman, come out, come out wherever you are! Ally, ally in free!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
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Tinman Offline OP
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Hi labug! Well it has been a great week. I understand your concern. The difference this time is that i have stopped trying to control everything. I feel like i am in a different place and i am letting go. In turn she has made up her mind that we are suppose to be together and wants us to be a family again. I am certainly happy about it and also very relaxed about it. No more desperation and it feels good.

Yesterday was our anniversary and we let the kids at home and went out to celebrate. She told me some of her feelings and how glad she was that we were back together. The best thing said was "you know that i never really left you".

Yes i know i cant stop working on myself and i need to make sure she is able to be her own person and does not become consumed by our relationship and lose herself again.

I will keep you updated and thanks again for all your support!


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
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Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted By: Tinman
but i have been reading one the last few days that has rocked my perception of myself. No more mister nice guy, has opened my eyes to see how i have been doing things in order to gain approval, doing for W in hope of having it returned and how i tend to try and control and manipulte situations, and putting others needs ahead of mine hoping mine will be met in exchange.


Yup, I saw a lot of myself in that book too. It's a good book, it's really helped me to let go of a lot of my expectations regarding doing stuff for validation from others. And man, it is so on target regarding the shady side of "nice" guys. It was helpful in that regard too, it's a lot easier to fix your problems when you know what they are wink


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted By: Tinman
Hi labug! Well it has been a great week. I understand your concern. The difference this time is that i have stopped trying to control everything. I feel like i am in a different place and i am letting go. In turn she has made up her mind that we are suppose to be together and wants us to be a family again. I am certainly happy about it and also very relaxed about it. No more desperation and it feels good.

Yesterday was our anniversary and we let the kids at home and went out to celebrate. She told me some of her feelings and how glad she was that we were back together. The best thing said was "you know that i never really left you".

Yes i know i cant stop working on myself and i need to make sure she is able to be her own person and does not become consumed by our relationship and lose herself again.

I will keep you updated and thanks again for all your support!


Wow, that's really a fantastic development, congratulations!! Stick with your 180's and keep up the good work! Always be mindful of what worked to get your W back and continue that behavior. Good luck and please do keep us posted!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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