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Believe me, in the past I have been very angry. Out of control angry. My focus has been moving passed that. This is where I feel myself growing the most.

If I'm being honest, your post made me cry. I have tears streaming down my face as I type this. It's so true that these relationships we have with our H's are precious. It isn't a game... it's real.

My family is sacred to me. I have a really hard time letting that go.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


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I was afraid that would make you cry. frown

It IS real. I believe we are created with that drive to make family sacred.

I'm so glad you have been able to move past the anger. It's so healthy. You aren't captive to a destroying behavior.

Tonight, it's just dealing with the sadness of being alone. Without them.

At least we have each other here on the forum and we can say things, perhaps, in writing that might be uncomfortable to say so easily in person.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Both of you have made me cry.

Your words are exactly what I feel. And ache for. My family. The presence of my H.

And I guess these feelings are part of the journey. And by having them I guess we can know that embarking on this journey is the right path for us. Whatever the outcome, this is the journey we are meant to take.

I read the Laura Munson book. Very inspirational.


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Good morning JKS.........wow.

When it comes to the anger.. My hubby and I were apart living in separate houses for 4 months in 2007, He filed for Divorce 8 days later.and closed all our bank accounts......( I had some money tucked away....because things were getting bad really bad ) I left him but was basically kicked out of the house, we had been together since high school, going on our 24th wedding anniversary ( during this time apart )

The anger was the ONLY thing that kept me going....when I started getting lonely ( very lonely ) and there were no OP involved OM or OW thank god because that would have did me in... If I didnt stay angry i couldnt function. Where I had moved only 4 miles away the well shut down guess who came to help me..yep the same man that kicked me to the curb.....i had the hardest time when he was nice to me than when he was being ... Well to make a long story short......the Div proceedings lasted until April of 2008, right before we were getting ready to do the financial aspects of 3 business's and a long time marriage, I dropped the anger..got some wise advise from several peeps on this site and... ( of all things ) went on a beautiful camping trip together. ( MY Mom said to me This is the weirdest Div. iv'e ever seen " ) lol

It wasnt the most relaxing trip weve ever had still alot of tension and resentment on both sides Things were said that CAN never be taken back ( unfortunately )

He never agreed to MC...have been only one years ago one time and he would never go back the guy was an idiot...so once again I went to my therapists ( very pro-marriage ) and worked on myself....After all that do you know what the worst problem was??? LACK of respect for each other..................too much alcohol involved on both our parts...........and being able to just sit down and talk without starting an argument I learned to listen and keep my mouth shut..( not like a door mat ) but I learned to pick my "fights " wisely...in a calm loving manner....wow that changed about 36 years of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results ( Def. insanity ) Yes alanon helped me save my marriage also.

Well we are still together.......... married 29 years in August together for 42 yes 42 years, and I'm as happy as Ive been in a long time....working side by side in our business's and taking life on by the horns and knowing to let go when necessary. We never ever throw the big D word around because " been there and almost DID that "

We were never able to have kids but I'm soooo over that at my age of 56.....Gods will not mine.

so.... I guess im just trying to tell U things work out ( one way or the other...) and its OK to be lonely, angry, happy...They are just feeling and emotions they dont make U the good person that U are

HUGS

Cindy Lou .


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Sorry.........I guess this is for JKS and Reaching Higher and all U db's that are feeling hopeless.........

Cindy Lou


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Thanks, n.s.s., that's a real encouragement to know things worked out for you!

How are things for you today, jks?


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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Hope you're feeling better, jks!

notsosunny - what a story! Thanks for sharing!


Me:37
H:GONE

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HA NSS post made me smile because have said that to us that this is the weirdest div ever.

JKS weekends are the worst. I am trying to start new traditions. And when I feel alone I try to remember that I used to feel abandoned when we were in the same house and he didn't hang out with me so at least now I'm choosing to be alone!

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Thank you, sunny, for posting. My thought process lately has been that whatever will be, will be. I will be happy regardless.

I am having a rough one this morning, however. I had awful dreams last night about H and OW. The part that hurt the most was that he was so disrespectful to me. He wouldn't answer any of my questions in a serious manner. He just laughed in my face and beat around the bush on giving me a straight answer. Then he would say something totally off the wall to hurt me and I wouldn't know whether to believe him or not. I was pleading with him to stop his behavior and when I woke up this morning I felt like a train hit me.

I feel like I emotionally really had that conversation and I'm starting my day emotionally drained. Super annoying. So here I am venting to get out this frustration.

I'm tired of waking up alone. Going to bed at night alone doesn't really bother me because I really do value my time to read and ponder about things by myself. (plus, when I was with H, he works nights until about 1:00 in the morning so I was used to it) It's just waking up in the morning and realizing, oh, yeah... he's not here. It still affects me EVERYDAY. Especially when my kids aren't here.

Here is my dip down on this rollercoaster. Can't wait to start feeling better.

GAL activities...
-I'm going to spend the morning going through my clothes and purging a bunch of stuff.

-Later in the day I'm headed to a childhood friend's house to do a photoshoot of her and her baby in their home. I'm super excited about this because she has such amazing style. It will be inspirational for me. (Btw, fun fact, for any of you who watch Yo Gabba Gabba with your kids... my friend that I'm shooting today is Foofa, the pink one. Really. She is the voice and she wears the costume and dances around on the show. It's pretty funny to have her do the voice for my kids because they're in awe that "Foofa" is really in our home. They love it.)

-Yesterday I got my hair cut and colored. Has anyone heard of melting? Well, I've never done it before but thought I'd try it and I'm loving it.

-I just recently met another photographer friend, in person, whom I've been friends with on FB for a long time. We had such a great time with each other last week that we've decided to do playdates every Thurs. She is probably the sweetest person I have ever met and so talented too. I look forward to our playdates each week. She couldn't have come in to my life at a better time... seriously.

-I continue to work out. I did an extremely hard work out yesterday. A cross training class that truly kicked my butt.

Honestly, just talking about these things is making me feel a lot better. I have a life... my H isn't the center of the universe. Detach.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
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Sounds like your plans with friends are gong really well.

So sorry to hear you are having a rough morning. I Soooooo know what you mean. I've been having really rough nights lately. Waking up tons of times. I try to stay awake late reading just to avoid the tossing and turning.

Haven't heard of melting in regards to hair color. Glad you like it!

The working out is good for us in so many ways. I didn't want at all to ride my bike this morning (I alternate workouts at home with bike riding - 3 days a week each) but I did anyway knowing I'd be happy later.

I cried a bit while riding.

There's a beautiful farm sprawling near a riverbank that I ride by. My boys and I met the man a few years ago and he was rather rude. Now when I ride by I see his wife often working in the yard, and smile and wave but she always ignores me.

I pondered the fact I'm joyful I don't live with a rude man AND I'm not a rude wife either! It helped me get out of my funk!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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