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ps. J3B's comment was in another thread on the MLC forum.. i think TSquared's thread.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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"W not happy" 7/11
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NG interesting that you posted this. I am struggling with the same thing w/r/t H wanting to sell our house. I usually directed what should go down. 180 for me is to not direct. But at some point I have to stand up for my own financial interest. It's a quandary for sure. Good for you for recognizing the pattern and waiting.

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I know that feeling verab. I have been learning to wait until I need to step in for my own interest. I had to do that several times during the settlement process.

I also had to have a friend step in and smack me up side the head when I was about to give up too much. I consider myself very savvy financially, but I learned that we all need advice when emotions are involved.

If this isn't too personal, is there any way for you to keep the house?


Me(f): 51 W: 41
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okay I should not read with one eye on the television oops! Well I think that dream needs no interpretation!

I really like Jack's statement! Thank you for posting!

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Hi NG - not to threadjack, just answering your Q - I am thinking about calling a mortgage lender to see if I could qualify for a refinance by myself. It's not likely given the mortgage balance on the house and the likely monthly payment, but rates have gone down about 1% since we last refi'd. I can't afford to buy out H and I'm not sure how I feel about having a roommate and caring for a house that's too large for 1 person by myself. Plus the house is old and it needs some work. Possibly a bit too much for me to handle. Funny, part of me hated this house - the work, and the deception by the sellers on some hidden issues. But I don't want to give it up so easily. I need to do some DB on the house, I think, to detach wink

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I need some DB advice about my response to my W's email today.

Once I got through my rush to fix and rescue, I realized something:

Her response was to an email in which I forwarded her 2010 tax file. I also told her the name of our investment property mortgage lender and assumed she was getting the statements. (The statement is mailed to her name so I assumed that it was forwarded to her as it does not come here since she did an address change.) She replied that she was not getting the statements.

Then she asked me if I was paying the mortgage company.

Now, she knows that I receive the rent every month from the tenants and have always paid it.

Why would she ask that? It feels as if she is questioning my integrity... as if I would take the rent checks and keep them myself?? Am I being too sensitive? I just don't know how she could even ask that question..

And how do I respond?? I was thinking of just saying "About your question... are you SERIOUS?"

But does that sound angry? I want to get my point across but I do not want her to think that she has any power over how I feel, just that her question was ridiculous.

On top of that, I realized that she did not even say thank you for me taking the time and trouble to send her the tax file.

What scares me though is that I did not notice any of that until much much later.


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OK, she sent another email apologizing for not thanking me for sending the info.

But she did not say anything about that silly question....


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If you are going to respond keep it all business.

Can you just send her proof that the payments are being made.

I used to be able to go online and get a print out of our mortgage with the dates that the payments are made.

Be careful because it is more likely another reason that she is asking as all is never as it seems to be.


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Quote:
Be careful because it is more likely another reason that she is asking as all is never as it seems to be.


I agree.

Quote:
Why would she ask that? It feels as if she is questioning my integrity... as if I would take the rent checks and keep them myself?? Am I being too sensitive? I just don't know how she could even ask that question..

I find when someone asks something like that..it's usually a reflection on their integrity not yours. Because you wouldn't consider doing that or questioning someone you would assume they were doing the right thing. The fact that she would be worried that her business partner and W would do this, says a lot about how she's thinking right now.

I don't know if you read The Four Agreements but they talk a lot about how everyone's interactions with us is really about what's inside them. IE I've recently lost a lot of weight. Someone at work asked me "think you'll keep it off" yes, rude, mean, insensitive, etc. But it was about their fear, because that's probably something they've told themselves that it's difficult to keep off.

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my first thought was this
1. you're making too much of the question - because it''s your sensitive area (you're over conscious of what you are doing right and have expectations that she should acknowledge them because you are so obviously doing the right thing

2. i think a lot of those things that they ask don't have much agenda behind them - she KNOWs full well that you're paying it and because she knows how to push your buttons it's probably a casual sub-conscious test on her part

for you to respond with "are you serious?" is letting her get you right where she wants you to be.

to treat and respond to that kind of question the same as coming from a stranger or acquaintance is the key i think.

just say yes i do keep up with the payments and leave it at that - anything more than that is your hidden agenda coming into play

h asks me every month whether i am paying the bills and i answer happily yes and nothing more. just asked me that yesterday as a matter of fact (and there's always a slightly accusatory tone behind the question)

don't rise to the bait - you've got better things to do


zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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