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#2253014 - 06/11/12 09:08 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
peringo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/12
Posts: 149
Loc: MN USA
So is the SIL your wifes sister? and your taking a trip with W's cousin.... hmmm think you could get her whole family to go no contact smile
_________________________
Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!

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#2253026 - 06/11/12 09:39 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: peringo]
scaredsilly Offline
Member

Registered: 01/12/12
Posts: 1219
good for you, lost! way to add mystery and let her feel the loss and see what life is like without you.
_________________________
M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing


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#2253028 - 06/11/12 09:41 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: peringo]
LostIn407 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/12
Posts: 186
W's family is 99% on my side and think the W is out of her mind. W hasn't talked to her family since this happened, except for her sister.

Only person on the W's side is her mother, who is a piece of work. Her mother did the same thing to her dad. Multiple OM, walked out on family. When her mom and dad divorced, W went with mom and all others stayed with dad. A decision my W has said she regrets to this day.

W made a comment to a friend that her mom used to choose men over her. My W is doing the same thing now.

W is confused. I am giving her time and space. And that space is getting larger and larger every day.



Just waiting for the W's response to the news of my trip. I know my W. It won't be pretty.
_________________________
M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012

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#2253030 - 06/11/12 09:53 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
peringo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/12
Posts: 149
Loc: MN USA
With that background info... I'm not sure NC will work... more like an intervention... my heart goes out to your kids...
_________________________
Me: 37 W:33
S: 2
M: 9/5/09
Suspected: 1/7/12
Confirmed: 2/10/12
Served: 3/29/12
W moved out 3/30/12
First court 5/17/12
HELP!

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#2253048 - 06/11/12 10:32 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: peringo]
LostIn407 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/12
Posts: 186
Well, finally had the no contact talk with the W.

She text me upset I didn't tell her I wanted to go on a trip, etc. I reminded her that I mentioned wanting to go a couple of weeks ago.

I then told her that I would rather go with her but the way things are with us, I know it isn't possible.

She responded she would go with me but we would need separate beds, but I'm sure that doesn't interest you on bit.

I responded that as long as there was someone else in her life, I couldn't do anything with her. As hard as it is for me, I need to give her space and time and worry about myself. I told her that doesn't mean I am giving up on us, but I have to prepare myself for what might come.

She responded "That I understand".

I let her know that I have no hard feelings toward her and I am not judging her. I told her that this is her journey and she has a lot to think about that I can't interfere in. I told her that I have a lot to think about as well. I told her when she has completed her journey, maybe we can work on us or maybe we go our separate ways.

So that's it. Now I know I have laid out my guidelines and boundaries. There is no grey area anymore. Last Resort Technique or Last Last Resort Technique. Either way, I am fine. I know that I need to see other people but refuse to do so while I know I would leave them if W came back. I think when that August date comes up, I will allow myself to date again.
_________________________
M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012

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#2253260 - 06/11/12 09:16 PM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
LostIn407 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/12
Posts: 186
Is it wrong that I am actually more concerned with my GAL than my W or is that a sign that I am getting to the right frame of mind?

So many things I want to do regarding GAL, but I have to wait. I want to go kayaking or standup paddle boarding, but I have to wait a month to do it as my first weekend without the Ds, I am taking a trip.

I want to sign up for a flag football league again but that doesn't start until the end of July.

I was too impatient with waiting on the W, now I am too impatient on GAL.

I can't win... wink
_________________________
M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012

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#2254120 - 06/14/12 09:43 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
LostIn407 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/12
Posts: 186
Journaling:

So I was expecting the W to react to finding out about my trip out of town. I guess she has done it, but it doesn't bother me.

Since the separation, she has always come to my house to get the Ds on her days. She would spend a few hours at my place catching up with the cats and dog and then go back to her apartment. I can drive by her apartment on my way to work in the morning and have always offered to save her the trip of picking up the Ds. She always refused. I knew the OM was spending nights at her apartment and I guess she respected my boundary of the OM not being around my Ds.

After my W got upset about my trip, she decided I should bring the Ds to her. Of course the OM's car is there. Is this supposed to make me upset?

My M is dead. I can accept that now. It doesn't mean I am giving up on my W, but what we had is dead and gone. If we reconcile, it will be a new R and M. There are too many issues we will have to work on.

I can honestly say I am in a good place. I don't spend all day thinking about my W. I could care less about OM.

The OM is starting to become old news. She has been with him long enough that he isn't new anymore. She knows what he is.

Me, I am a new person. I am better than I used to be. When I went swimming the the Ds at the W's apartment the other day, I caught her watching me take off my shirt. The body I have now is dramatically different than when we were together. I am wearing clothes the W has never seen me wear or I haven't worn in a long time because of the weight gain. I can see how my changes are being noticed.

I am going to continue to GAL and become someone only a fool would leave. I do it for me and noone else. I enjoy the new me. I look back at the old me sitting on the couch like a blob. Laying on the couch watching TV until late at night because I was too depressed. I didn't like myself and that affected our sex life because I was embarrassed to be naked.

It is important to learn from our mistakes. I made a ton of mistakes in our M. I might not have my W now, but the changes I have made make me happy and I will continue on my path.
_________________________
M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012

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#2254142 - 06/14/12 10:36 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
Breakdown Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 1144
It sounds like you are in a good place and doing the right things. Keep it up!
_________________________
M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13

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#2254732 - 06/16/12 09:40 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: Breakdown]
LostIn407 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/12
Posts: 186
So tomorrow (Sunday) is the trip to the amusement park with the Ds and the W. It will be our first time extended time together since I told her I didn't want to do things with her as long as she is in a relationship.

She called me last night to talk about some D items and said I should be at her place at 8:00am on Sunday. I told her that 8:00am was really early as I don't think the park opens until 10:00am. I told her that 8:00am was fine and maybe we can grab breakfast somewhere first. My W loves to go out for breakfast and was excited at that. This will be our first time dining out together as a family since April.

I am going to play it cool on Sunday and just be the new me. This day is about my Ds having fun. I will do not R talk. I will do no M talk. I will do not OM talk. I need to keep repeating this in my head.

My goal is just to be who I am and let the W see what she is missing. Going to be the man only a fool would leave.


I try to stay positive and upbeat, which I think I am 95% of the time. I have no clue what the W is thinking and I stopped trying to find out a long time ago. I just pray that one day I will get a sign. I would love to know what I am doing is working.

Wish me luck on Sunday.
_________________________
M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012

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#2254735 - 06/16/12 09:50 AM Re: LRT - Checking Progress [Re: LostIn407]
reachingHigher Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/12
Posts: 1680
Loc: Southwest US
Sounds like you're doing really well...and have a lot of fun!!
_________________________
Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway

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